Existential Pudding

Talkin Bout My Generation

2008-06-23T12:58:00.003Z

When I was growing up, I watched as Kid part of Live Aid til the power went out. I look back at my clothes on Easter and the neon colors, the high tops or Nike's that cost a fortune. I look back at my parents generation and watching Woodstock you wonder why people became Hippies, grew their hair long. When this was going on I grew up on Atari, Star wars toys, ghost busters, you name it, pop culture. As I grew up I thought I would be an individual and immune to my generation. Then I got a commodore 64, and through high school took a few programming classes, learned to type, thinking these were independent choices. The typing and computer courses was a well calculated gamble as they have put me where I am in my career, what has allowed me to stand out at my office, was the generation that missed the computer. It gave me a unique skill not to be intimidated by messing around with a computer, much the same way young people in the fifties would not be afraid to tinker with a car, I would be terrified to touch anything under the hood of my car.
We have great brains, but limited capacity for specialist knowledge. You can rare by a great drummer, trombone player, and guitarist, you normally only have enough skill and focus to be truly great at one. For me, my skills would be sixties music, and computers. Though not excelling at either, I am above average in these areas.
Going through the teenage years, I thought I escaped the generation of the nineties. My sister was the one who colored hair hair, listened to alternative. I though, near the end, when I came out of my hormonal funk, ended up at lollaplooza, listened to Korn, and now look back and can identify all that alternative music from the nights when I would lay at night with head phones on. Then came the Internet, I was the Internet generation, going through computers, video games, and then chatting and becoming one with the web. Me and my roommate even ran our own website that seemed silly at the time, but looking back, it was impressive getting noted or reviewed by web searches. It even led to the marriage.
I tried to be individual, I went for my dream to be an archaeologist. Then found I didn't jive well in college like I would have thought. I am a procrastinator, I hate writing, I hate too many rules, and then I learned I didn't have the money or the ability to sell my soul for A's. I got rejected from at the time my only hope a PhD program, to end up rushing to do a masters degree, there was a lot of mental pressure to just get school over with. I hated that Hunter College school, the bastion of liberalism that I despised yet studied a liberal subject, dissecting the rational truth from it, but hating the liberal orthodoxy that enveloped it, the students, and the professors.
I just felt they didn't like me, but more likely, I really didn't like them. Reading about the plight of bums or poor people who made bad decisions, for me was difficult, growing up poor and then getting graded. It seemed unfair when I got a C, but these people were given A's in life because of the color of their skin or their problems.
I thought I was not part of my generation when during the nineties boom, I remember after working in a pharmacy chain I had identified a shop lifter and was sent to the precinct to fill out a report. I found the clerk at the desk talking about Yahoo. Something was odd, why was a cop picking stocks? I was never one for economics, though I offhandedly studied the theory in school about neoconservatism, free markets, and I did OK in math, but was no whiz.
At the time I was doing Gothic and eighties clubs, again thinking I was outside of my generation by living in another, trying to recapture what I thought were happier moments watching music videos as a kid. I had a wide group of friends, but drank as though I was a frat house upstate. I also had a concept of pure love, that I wouldn't date for just sex, I was terrified of disease, and terrified of dating just to date. I thought you date for love, and after several bad experiences there, my out look is radically different now.
Still I thought I was outside my generation and then through a friend when looking for better work while doing graduate school at night, he suggested temp at an office. The first few weeks were an awkward hell. I wasn't dressing right, I was too shy, I knew nothing other than some programs and had very tough old school bosses. By the end of it I was a legend as an assistant and worked damn hard to get there. I thought though I would not be a yuppie, it was my fear, I will not be some yuppie, I will be different. But I was a yuppie, my best friend at the time was older, and taking me to clubs that now remind me of sex in the city. Cosmopolitans were flowing, yuppies were hanging out, and I was five to ten years too young to understand any of it, let a lone score with a girl. It was all just learning.
Looking back with the clubs, the Internet, working in an office at an investment bank when the economy tanked, I lived the nineties. So what of the 2000's? I find my self as we approach 2008 and I inch towards thirty that again, despite thinking I am different, I am fully part of this generation more than any other and now slowly give in these days to accept it.

I moved to the UK accepting an offer for a full time job in compliance. The driver was that I was in love with someone overseas. It all seemed magical that when asked to marry I just said yes. I thought moving to the UK was another chance to be unique, to go where as a child, a place that seemed safe, and my music came from. I found out its far from safe and suffers the same prejudices and teenage crime (fueled by hip hop and easy lives) that I was surrounded with in Brooklyn. The government is just as corrupt if not more so as they convince themselves they are not, cameras man the streets, and the prime minster isn't even elected. The police don't patrol but go after littering, drinking on trains, or your wife saying your shouting. They can't go after teenagers, law would not allow it, the jails are over crowded, and to top it off the worse criminals, such as Islamic preachers, rapists, and murderers have the new EU who says you violate their human rights! These people forget why mankind created law in the first place, to protect society, and deal out justice, but its gotten so full of itself, it now does quite the opposite in a Kafka sort of way, punishing the innocent at airport check points, and giving criminals Human Rights!
I saw September 11th and maybe that is why I wanted out of New York City. I wanted to teach history, but who knows now what would have happened? I may have ended up in compliance anyways, I may still be teaching, I may have moved to teach somewhere else?
The marriages and subsequent issues out here were hard and going through my divorce I don't want to go over that. I want to conclude with my generation, where I am in the 2000's.

First, I dress 2000's, jeans, tshirts, colored cheaper sneakers, my hair is short. I tried at a goatee, did not work out, but facial hair is a bit in. I spike up my hair, though told I need a new style, its enough to get by. I dress very London now, bright dress shirts, I have learned name brands. I am a yuppie, looking to get out of the house and back to an apartment where other yuppies live. I like to cook and I like cartoons still, particularly adult swim, which was of my generation as the jokes are a throw back to our child hood.

I want HD TV, I want DVDs, I own an IPOD and can categorize all my music at the touch of a button. I no longer wonder at wireless Internet connections, amazing how everything I do, type and say goes miles in an instance, and its not even connected anything, my thoughts, via the air instantly....maybe there is a god, we just can not sense him, god is wireless.

I work long hours, ten hour days, all year around. I only get a lot of holiday because I am in England. I have no time to enjoy my time off, too tired with work, and put all my chores to the weekend. The lack of down time, creates frustration, so I have anger problems, that I always had but fueled up by everything. Travelling is a night mare with your right violated at each check point, your bag opened up, your underwear prodded on display, and you find yourself questioning who you are to some retard with IQ lower than your dog, making you a criminal.

Global warming is real, commodities drying up is now real, and with no check on the human population we have to worry for real about things that were only talked about. The hope is that the technology will change and cars won't use gas and etc. green fuel. On top of this we live with horribly unstable places around the world, a war on outright lies yet not protested.

We have useless leaders feeding off useless systems, that are giant pyramid schemes. Our jobs, institutions, and everything are built up like pyramid schemes. Promote idiots, liars, as long as they show up on time and do no work, the fact they are always there is better than the person who works and accomplished, promote the harmless, promote the ones who did not rock the system, which are infected with very evil people who manipulate from within, that is our government, our hospitals, our everything, we are just pawns now. When we switched to salaries we sold our souls for things we don't have time for, that others can steal, that poor who live off our welfare enjoy.

We work long hours, and now with blackberries and roaming systems the lying media tells us they make our lives easier, work from home they say! This is not the truth, these systems break down our relaxation and guilt us back to work. Our managers tell us, check your black berry on holiday, be on call. Never ever stop from working. They want you guilty, why are you sitting there tired, you have NO RIGHT to be tired, you should NOT be watching that movie, get on the computer and write up that presentation! This is a strong subconscious message on the hopes we rise in the pyramid scheme. Give up your twenties to us, give up your thirties to us, then when you are forty if you are rich like them retire, but not us oh no. We will only work harder, the goal posts moving and then be told to give it all to our kids. Spoil them, you work so hard, dump it on them, so they learn the value of nothing. These vicious drones have no soul, they do not know music, only what is popular, as they only have time to watch what people tell them, only watch things they can share in elevator. They know nothing about life, they know nothing about value, because they only work, they have no time to harness any interest, and this is why their children will be the spoiled brats of tomorrow, and we will be slaving even longer for their bad work habits.

I am breaking the cycle, I got angry, I found my marriage was too forced, the wrong person and rather then let it linger I ended it for both our sakes. Its not easy, I got physically sick, I broke down, because unlike others, I studied this all, I saw myself in my nightmare, unable to escape my generation. I am now getting rid of the guilt, deprogramming.

Goodbye marriage, in this world, marriage may come later, but my generation is single, younger guys go with older girls called cougars, I may now be easy prey. My job, I will take the skills I learned and now no longer be bound. They can't bind me no more, I took the skills from them, and rather than slave away, while my job is slowly moved to Bangalore, I can fight back. They don't care about how hard I work, they don't care if I don't take time off around the holidays, with the rapid management changes these days nobody remembers or chooses too. You are forced to throw away old ethics and take for yourself, I have been too nice.

Now I will work hard, I will play harder. I will learn the acoustic guitar, I watch movies each night and catch up. I will follow sport again. I will take as much sick time as I can, like today.
I will not read my black berry on holiday, I hate the fucking thing.
And if they don't like it, they can lay me off or fire me, which they would do anyways no matter how good you are if the chips fall where they may. You work your life off they don't lay a tombstone for you saying you were worker of the year, as companies lay off, or merge, no wonder people go into shock, those that bought into the lies of the system. People, its work, you are there because they pay you, you work, they pay, that's the deal, lets not over complicate it.

Next year, I can decide, do I want to stay for another year? Am I at the top here with no room to move? Am I comfortable? Or more likely try to transfer to another area, see how that goes, if its more of the same, quit and become a journeyman. I don't fear it, I don't fear a boring cubicle, long as the hours are less, this is what nobody gets. You can make the same, and have less bounds, that is what suits me, and this is why I will not listen to others again. I am my own person now. I am free, and while I see a therapist, they tried to put me on mood changing pills, well I broke through all that, its helped me, that I been talking bout my generation, and as we head to 2010, I wonder what is in store, because I am free now, and accepting more of the good things that come to the generation and much more wary of the bad things. I have no choice now, its either that or suicide and I ain't ready to go out just yet, I have some fun things I want to try, that they tell me NOT TO DO.

.....as Les Claypool wrote in my book, Go Chuck!

Walk Me Out

2008-06-22T21:35:00.000Z

"Walk me out in the morning due my heart. Walk me out in the morning my heart. Thought I can't walk you out the in morning dew my heart. Though I can't walk you out in the morning dew my heart. Thought I heard a young girl crying. Thought I heard a young girl crying. Lord you didn't hear no young girl cryin. Lord you didn't hear no young girl cryin. Lord I heard a young girl crying. Lord I heard a young girl crying. No you didn't hear no young girl cry. No you didn't hear no young girl crying at all. Now there is no morning dew. Now there is no morning dew. What they been saying all these years has come true. What they been saying all these years has come true. Got no morning dew." As told by The Allman Brothers.

Poetry

2008-06-07T12:22:00.002Z

For to not read poetry books or say I do not like poetry is quite wrong. Whilst I can not quote Keats, Yates, Shelley, or any of the barbs that be, I can quote you Ian Anderson, Morrissey, Pete Townshend, Roger Waters, Ray Davies, Hank Williams Junior, and Leslie West/Felix Papparrotti.

"You know we're fighting every day,
It's as if somehow we've lost our way.
When we'd first begun, yeah, we lived as one,
Now as time goes on, we move our own way.

It's just no use in going on
When all the feeling now has gone.
You know we both have tried,
Yeah, we both have lied,
Now as tears subside, we move our own way.

Separation's the only way...
Separation starts today..."

Camel

My heroes have always been cowboys

2008-05-31T20:22:00.002Z

When the Pig comes...and the man...and everything is against you that is what means your a hero and you are real.

Hunter s. Thompson, Bill Murray, Lemmy... they would not be anything if the world didn't fuck and shit on them. You can't be angry, dark, and anything if the world doesn't fuck you. That is the failure of hip hop, the suburban brats and yobs of Britain, play evil and dark but have yet to earn that real hatred that real nastiness that you get out of the real life...

So today this is me:

"You only get a single chance
The rules are very plain,
The truth is well concealed inside
The details of the game,
You can hear it coming,
You can see it from afar,
It's pale and it glimmers
Like a faded movie star
And out there in the castle,
They're trying to make us scream,
By sticking thumb tags in a flash
And cancelling the dream,
Can you find the Valium,
Can you bring them soon,
Lost Johnny's out there,
Baying at the moon

The time has come for you to choose,
You'd better get it right,
Pulling girls with sharp white teeth
Are waiting in the night,
But you want to really get some,
It surely can't be hard,
There's always trouble lurking
When you leave your own backyard

Underneath the city,
The alligators sing,
Of how the fool he cannot dance,
When someone cuts the strings,
Can you find the morphine,
Try to be so brief,
Lost Johnny's out there,
Looking for relief

That laddie looks so evil,
And you know he really tries,
But every time he makes a play,
That battle compromise,
And shall I find their underwear,
From a store where no-one goes,
She makes it big in dugs,
On the strength of what she shows,

And here inside the waiting room,
The radio still screams,
And we're shooting children,
To murder all young things,
Can you find your credit card,
For god's sake make it quick,
Lost Johnny's out there,
Trying to turn a trick"

Lemmy with Hawkwind

Pigs

2008-05-31T12:56:00.002Z

Thought I would post something honest, because the truth is as it is. And let this be a reminder of what you read in the media about men in divorce, aka Bill Murray, as the other side of a Man's story.

I woke up this morning. Looking forward to Saturday. I had plans to clean my work clothes, organize, and study for my Life in the UK test. I need to take this exam to obtain permanent residency. I was fine, calm, and looking to go to an American BBQ place. As a break, as I have not a vacation since January and work is incredibly stressful and unrewarding, I thought I would go to an American BBQ place this afternoon and then a pub.

I woke up, and found Tina naked in my study, I walked out revolted. And she said it was her house she could do what she wanted. From there is told me I need to move out to a flat. Now we agreed rightly or wrongly, I started the divorce, I would buy her out. I would be giving her more of the equity, the car, and help her financially with her move, despite that she has the same in savings as me and her father has cash.

My emails were broken into, my accounts, previously. She has had her friend over several nights and they went through my entire room talking about me, while I could here everything in bed.
I thought I could hold out until the sale of the house and avoid lawyers, and instead the following happened.

After Tina left the study she started in on my moving and renting. I do not want to move, get locked into a rental contract, when I know I am buying a flat in the next month or so. And all the fees. I do not have a car and the thought of spending more of my weekends walking around looking at dump flats, and finding one I can afford and near a commute to work. The idea of losing more of my time off to move. Only to move again.
To set up new utilities, to take time off again for installation of Internet. And all the hassles in the UK of setting these things up is horrible. And to go through it twice?

I will also have to pay a monthly rent, my mortgage payment, and then half of the utilities in the house, this will cause me serious financial problems, so that by the time I do move, I can expect to be broke with savings wiped out. Meaning probably not trip to the united states or anything, as usual, Chuck will have to wait.

So that next year, when my vacation time does come around someone will die, I will get sick, or come down with cancer, and have something else go wrong, because that is the pattern of my life? Feeling sorry for myself? No. Those who know me, know this is what happens, and next blog i can log you a history of my life and show you that anytime, I try to enjoy something, something horrible always goes wrong.

Instead I was trapped.

So me and Tina argue. As usual I tell her just go way be quiet. No I will not move out, leave me a lone I say. Then the nagging. She stands outside the door, constantly saying it. I say no. Keeps going. Then my anger management snaps, and yes I guess I have a problem, so fucking what, at least I am not a back stabbing liar like the people at work, at least I do not start wars and get people killed, and in no way did I touch Tina or hurt her. I just yelled, and yes I snapped again, who wouldn't? I am under immense pressure, worked my whole life and for what? This planet is screwed up, full of idiots, and everything for me has been a tremendous let down. Yet from the outside everyone thinks i have it easy? Yet teenagers walk around with better clothes, stare you down, and can knife you, and play video games all day and I have been a sucker for trying to do the right things in the wrong world.

So she nags. Non stop. I yell, she nags, she opens the door, nags. Then it was a trapped, I through a very bad fit. So what. So i can't control it, I am a man, I have testosterone, I am under horrible stress, I yelled. I yell bad things because I am smart, cold, unemotional, and on the edge of either killing myself or taking a few deserving scum with me.

And then she set me up. I had just calmed down, when who comes into my room. A PIG. A cop.

And then I get lectured by a tough cop. The same cops who do nothing about knife crime or the scum on the streets. He tells me next time he would toss me to the ground? Tina plays the injured wife act to a Tee. Yah he would throw me, bald, uneducated, and bigger than me, how tough.

So I get lectured, talked down too, and judged by a pig. Who tells me i waste my money on therapy, and that I have problems. This is the problem with life, no context, so he can say that because he doesn't know what i have done. But a Muslim or someone in a cult, they are OK. But me, doing everything right, rational, and being fucked over by things out of my control, I am the problem in this world. I am the one.

So Tina trapped me. So now, I was told, I need to get out of the house. Tina has a place to stay, so she left. Now I am forced to move to a flat with everything going on, I can't take time out of work. I will lose vacation days now, for moving, and utilities, only to pay another rent, another set of utilities, and live out of a box for what could be weeks, if not months, if not half the year. No idea when the house will sell. i could lose the flat I wanted, and be living out of a box with nothing to hang up cause you cant decorate when you rent, and all my items in boxes, because why unpack when I will move again at some point.

So my life is ruined.

All that I have of course....OF COURSE. Is work. Sure the weather will be nice for work. Sure nothing goes wrong at work. JUST WORK. Hours of it, and for what? I get it all dumped on me, expected to work every weekend, expected to work long hours day in day out all year round no let up. Then to come home for all my WORK. To get intimidated by teenagers, by kids, and fear I could get stabbed. To fear I could be robbed with nothing to help or defend myself. And then to come home now, to a barren room, like a prison. With no friends but co workers, no one to go out, to eat on my own, but to curb eating out cause of money.

To eat bad food, sit in a room, with my life in a box and to have been lectured by a pig. To now confront my therapist and ask yah is it worth paying this, am I just a yuppie idiot who walks feels sorry for myself? I can't control my temper, I hate the world and what its done to me, but that is MY FAULT apparently.

So why shouldn't I kill myself? Why? What so great? Turning thirty? Bad liver bad lungs? Cancer in my family? For what? Move back to the US, for what? Low pay, no time off, working my ass off again? For what? A bad neighborhood?

So here I am, now moving.

But I have a bit of vengeance left, just a enough energy to do the following:

All deals are off. She gets 50-50. I will pay thousands now for a lawyer, who will call me Monday. I will find an apartment, move, and pack this week.
All utilities, mortgage and everything in the house will be 50-50.

She thinks she can make me broke? I will now force her to have a lawyer. she is now only getting 50% of the house. And with the lawyer I hope to squeeze as much out of her as possible. I got told I have to act like an adult, well in TRUTH, that is what I did, i was going to support her financially and make this split OK, but she FUCKED IT UP. So now you can all call me a bad guy, but you see SHE FUCKED IT UP, so now, I GET REVENGE. That is called rational logic something only I and 5 other people on the planet possess. And yes it makes me fucking happy to do this now, I deserve something. I am looking forward to my half of the house, which will cover my moving costs, all the money I will lose each month on rent, and all at HER EXPENSE as I was not seeing that money anyways. The longer the house takes to sell the more I lose, but not as much as her, because she will have to battle my lawyer.

The Good Dr. Thompson, Had a lawyer, now I am going for Dr. Gonzo. And Dr. Gonzo wants half.

Call me crazy, i am not killing myself just yet, I have a few years of vengeance and some scores to settle and that is what you are all afraid of. Bring on the PIGS.

"I'm for law and order, the way that it should be.
This song's about the night they spent protecting you from me.
Someone called this outlaw, in some ol' magazine.
New York sent a posse down like I ain't never seen.

Don't you think this outlaw bit has done got out of hand?
What started out to be a joke, the law don't understand.
Was it singing through my nose that got me busted by the man?
Maybe this here outlaw bit has done got out of hand.

We were wrapped up in our music, that's why we never saw,
The cars pull up, the boys get out and the room fill up with law.
They came pounding through the back door in the middle of the song.
They got me for possession of something that was gone, long gone.

Don't you think this outlaw bit has done got out of hand?
What started out to be a joke, the law don't understand.
Was it singing through my nose that got me busted by the man?
Maybe this here outlaw bit has done got out of hand.

Don't you think this outlaw bit has done got out of hand, out of hand?"

Waylon J.

I could have been a contender

2008-05-26T22:31:00.002Z

"The Old Nashville Cowboy was burdened with time. He was bent by his years and the fight with the wife. With head full of music and an ole nursery rhyme. A heart full of sadness of dark sunken nights...where are the cowboys and the home on the range. Does anyone know that they killed Jesse James, now the good guys on TV seem bad ain't it strange, and the old Nashville Cowboys' missed out on the change...and hard times are cheap at the end of the line."
Hank Jr.

I missed out on the change as well....

Why Bother?

2008-05-24T15:03:00.004Z

1. Religion: Through my study of anthropology, biology, the sciences, rationalism, history , prehistory (archaeology) and my life experiences, as I approach 30, I can calmly say there is no god or no point. The worlds religions are moral fables loosely tied to actual historical events that are embellished with unrealistic stories. The idea that a flood that one might be able to prove, is exaggerated and then given a moral purpose as the hand of a god, is just one of many examples. It is a trick employed so that when questioned they can point and say, but this battle did take place, and some flood did take place, so the rest MUST BE TRUE!
The fact that thousands or religions have existed, everywhere around the world and have very similar tenets and style, yet not one is proven, is the main proof they are not real. In the age of cameras, computers, and recordable devices, and history, it is still shocking that religion is on the rise, yet zero proof exists. The only proof offered is that of the stories of the past, that through history can be countered. So if any of the worlds big three religions, Judaism, Christianity or Islam, have an issue, I ask all three this, why does no one believe in the Greek Gods anymore? Because for a long time, people did, or the Egyptians? Because none of them are true. I have not seen any act of god, and by the irrational misery that is heaped on man, no supreme being is watching over us and as culture dictates shifting morals and norms, there seems to be no standard, meaning no point. One persons rape or murder is justified somewhere, at some time. There is always Three. One being what I will call blank White. Two being what I will called Pitch Black. Without opposites neither can exist. Existence requires two to justify the one. The Middle I will call Grey. The grey is what makes life really, its where our consciousness sits. In between the extremes its what we work in, and that is probably what you can call life on a very simple basis.
Meaning is what people have put into life since they became very conscious over million years of development. Once basic needs are met to sustain the ongoing chemical reaction that is all life, then one has time for the grey. We fill it now with brainwashing from TV, Newspapers, Institutions, Government and what other people load in our heads to make them or their vision of the world how they would want it, and it is this grey we fight over or succumb too.

On Death: There is no heaven, hell, rebirth or anything. Think back way back, to when you were born. Remember it? No. But you were alive right? So why can't one live without knowing? Like an ant for example.
For animals, we often imagine our favorite ones, dogs and cats for example, because they have a lot of that grey, that personality thing. We domesticated them, met their needs, and bred them, to show to us basic forms of personality, so we like to think if we get to heaven so do our pets, like the Egyptians. Some people take it to a farther extreme and think only humans are worthy of a soul or eternal existence. Still wrong. See we know cats, dogs, and ants, all are sustained chemical reactions, even trees, ie. Life.
It gets a little weird with virus, chemical reactions broken down so low, they are dormant, until activated...like a seed. Is a see life? Is virus life? Up for debated.
However, if you think of the millions of ants, just in your square mile, now times that by trying to figure out just how many ants, at this time are alive? How many ants have existed over the last million years? So you think each little ant, some suffered, some had good little ant lives, vice versa, would you think some god is going to make sure each and every little ant has a nice afterlife? So in this example, why dogs, why cats, and then why people? There are 8 billion or so people. That is a lot. The majority, are ignorant, just meeting needs, living more in a black or white area of pure existence, very little grey. These beings live and die, very quickly, all the time, without meaning....so what afterlife do they get? Or are we saying only artists, Americans, Europeans, or the rich are worthy of life after death? So its all selective? I think its just random.

The only question is why? And why is it so stable, our brains are remarkable little computers and really create the stability, question is if everything has a meaning, perhaps science is the study of the meaning, maybe the universe is a code. One can not deny that we know not what started it, what things were before, or how we can ever grasp the concept of forever.
Thus I conclude, there may not be life after death, but one can not rule out being born again, because before I was born, for infinity, I never expected to be born again, but I have absolutely no proof I lived before, without memory, living for living is pointless anyways. So if I was an ant, or will be an ant, its just as good as being dead. Seems death and infinity our the natural states of things.

Love: I often quote my anthropology professor to friends that Love is Economic. Well it is. The idea that there is this emotion that will make you happy, day in, day out, til you die, is foolish. The commitment is to prevent jealousy and those things we call feelings (Hormones) that get releases and to keep them balanced on in happy mode. Love is a bond that is economic to maintain a relationship to give people more stuff and security. The more a society has, I would gather, the more you find marriages come and go, plenty of stuff. The less, the more important that marriage is, the stronger the morals, because it means survival. Seem with families, people are more sustainable and safe in groups. This group, individual, bonding thing plays out all over again and again, in nations, sports, and between people. We form teams of friends, family, and lovers, to survive. Its not wonderful, its just something you have to do. But when it goes wrong as I know, it can hurt you very very bad. Maybe it is better not to have loved, and who cares what you lost?

Pointlessness: As I approach 30 I only have the following things in reality to look forward too.

1. I believe not in religion or love having disproved them. Because in reality neither has happened to me just disappointment and hurting others, which is not my intention so better I not have existed.

2. Happiness, is vague, rare, and not sustainable in this existence, we have floods, death, sickness, murder, and we are outnumbered, overpopulated, and killing ourselves, the rationalists can not win, so why bother? You won't impact your government, you have no control. So if you can not control things and you see a train heading for you and you have a gun in your hand, what do you do? Wait for the pain of the train or take the gun and go with the obvious rational truth, less pain same outcome.

3. As I age the family and friends I have, will not be added too. I will not make more true friends, I will not have anymore family you get family at the beginning of the game of life. Now you just watch them age, suffer and die. I have seen a few close relatives die, it was not wonderful, not the type of thing to put a bounce in your step.

4. Me: My mistakes in life, my attempt to be rational in an irrational world where evil does win (there are no referees) has only brought me being used and losses. I am not happy, nor does my money or career give me a sense of reward its just a mark of the mental and physical torture I been too and only looks good compared to the billions who starve. I can only look at dying young from the smoking I took up from stress, my bad eating habits from being picky and stressed, and from my horrendous drinking. So even if things did work out, I will die just like my uncle and aunt did when their lives started to go well again. Cancer and Diabetes run in my family, so when I do get a nice apartment and maybe get to relax, I am sure I will die, because that is what I seen. I didn't see angles, Mohamed or pretty fairies, I saw suffering, and death.

5. What is the point? Millions suffer and starve in North Korea and Zimbabwe because of one man or corrupt few. Yet thousands die quickly in earth quakes or Hunter S. blows his brains out. Yet nobody bats an eye, yet we spend all our time trying to protect dictators, deal with them, or feed and house rapists, murderers and burglars. Why not kill them, let more good live and help the millions? I think its ironic these people live til old age and are protected in life, but innocent people die by the hand of nature, maybe there is a god and maybe hes a fucking bastard like me.

I grew up in a rough area of Brooklyn. At each step I saw originally classes of people and the smart float to the top, the somewhat smart like me go up and down and struggle with a hard work ethic at times or a too smart for my own good self punishment in failure by not doing homework for example, and the majority act like animals, only to somewhat mature and drive buses, work in factories, or end up in jail most likely. After the complete torture of school, herded in away from your family, picked on by the larger more aggressive hominids, and then brain washed into the fairytale land of institutions and to come home to your TV that brainwashed you, you come out of that completely fucked up and ready to be shit on now by the world. Those kids you went to school with are just bigger, more aggressive and all over now in a giant free for all we call life.

I don't see anything good, we are running out of original things in the arts. Its all done, and now we will over populate, our climate is out of control, governments are now fully corrupt, and we sit here waiting for the next great war, plague, or disaster to hit any of us anytime, whether its terrorism or floods, it will happen, its just like waiting for it. I am sure on a ground floor apartment I will get robbed. my apartment was robbed twice as a kid, so yes it does actually happen. Or when I drive, I will run someone over or get crippled in an accident, read the news, it does actually happen every day. These things are Real. Reality is death or pain, with no justice. Expect rapists in the UK to be let out early, expect my manager who does no work but has tactics to kiss ass and look busy to rise to the top, and expect at no point to ever win. Unfortunately I see all this, I have lived all this, and now as I am about to turn 30, my maybe half way point, I think do I want another 30 years of this? I am bored, unemotional, hurt, beat down, and I have given up.

The only problem with all my brains I can find neither Pot to calm me or a gun to blow my brains out, so for now, I chug on, to hurt others, fail, be disappointed anytime I scrounge up some remaining energy to try and just wait for the next horrible thing to happen, I am sure its there, around the corner, when not waiting for a train or trudging at work, it happens on the days when I am off, want to have fun on a vacation, or randomly....its just over there, a death, an accident, another terrorist attack..the question is I can only hope I die, rather than get horrible hurt, in a vegetable state, made deaf or blinded, only to watch the criminal laugh, get away with it, and win. Because read the papers, in reality they do win, and finally, as I summarized above don't expect a shred of justice in the next life or later on, that is a trick to keep you going, keep you sedate and keep you working, so the few evil ones, like the Dick Cheney's and child like Gordon Brown's can keep on laughing, keep on eating and living the life while the billions of us nobodies, suffer, and die. I am only extra work and luck away from being like a child in India building a run down shack in the street with cement blocks, at least they don't know what I know, so i am jealous, jealous they are the ants, and I am the dog beat for pissing on the floor.

The only solace is death, because if this is what I would have to deal with for another hundred years then I really would crazy, which apparently I am anyways to boot.

I leave this blog to say, I have failed, I tried, I am sorry to all....

Dark Days of Fear And Loathing

2008-05-19T21:00:00.000Z

"Standing at the crossroads, trying to read the signs
To tell me which way I should go to find the answer..."
Eric Clapton

Life happens to you. You do not happen to life.

2008-04-27T21:20:00.001Z

Living is easy with eyes closed
Misunderstanding all you see
Its getting hard to be someone, but it all works out
It doesnt matter much to me
Beatles

Existentialism

2008-03-30T14:22:00.003Z

And today I found existentialism. There is much reading to be done, but immediately it seems to be something I have been looking for or rather sensed. For years I have clung to rationalism, and gone mad, probably having very close to a nervous break down in November, that led to physical illness, and depression.
I constantly questioned how can one remain rational, yet survive in a world or irrationalists? Only to slowly get frustrated with what I perceived as irrational people or to look back my own irrational decisions. If I was not rational, then how can I get frustrated with others perceived irrationality?
The depression emerged from a sense of hopelessness, was I rational? If I am mainly rational, how to cope being outnumbered, hence my rants against teenage yobs, and politicans, or heads of institutions.
To further confuse matters, I struggle with atheism, and very clearly settle on the agnostic. As a precaution, I became very interested in hinduism, its philosophical aspects. Coupled with a few experimentations with mushrooms, rationality starts to fall apart. The rules of science, and conscientious begin to change. While modern physics may be coming close to explaining multiple dimensions, there is still a lot left in terms of big bang theory, what preceded it, why are things so stable, and if light has a particular speed, sound a different one, and quantum theory says that things are in a cloud, how is our minds construct a stable time and how is it we are all able to opearate in a stable time, yet we are all processing at different speeds?

This was my dilemna. Then my wife reccomended I looked up a French philosopher Sartre, and then remarkably I found that word that I often heard but never looked into, existentialism. With a brief through wikipedia it seems to address many of my problems. One that yes, we all know, especially myself through anthropology people do not act rational. We are emotional, we are human, we are not computers or robots. Which explains my own failures at being rational and frees me from an endless Ayn Randian struggle.

The most important point existentalists make, and this to me is the crux right now for me in thinking, is that they accept and acknowledge that we are thrown into this world, this world has a past, and why if things start with our own consciousness or some rational world created by a god or some harmony of natural forces, why then are we thrust in, only to be thrown out.
In science this is acceptable as they will often say its silly to questions why you exist and why the laws of physics are sound, because you are questioning something that is a stable system, you are a part of it, and the fact you are a part of it is the reason it is stable. In other words, you can not interpret other systems, they don't exist, you must live within the laws of this one.
But existenstialism asks if there is a god, where is he, and if there are these laws and this preexisting past, we can not escape it, so what the hell are we suppossed to do?

When you combine this sense of what am I doing here? Why should I live? And then look at what people do it fits in with what I have learned. After we get past our basic needs, survival, food, shelter, sex, what next?

To be a neantherthal or early hominid meant that one did not have to worry about being bored? There was no anxiety, there were real fears, real lions, real snakes, a broken leg often meant death, life was shorter, there was not much think time.

However, my existence some would say is a lucky one. All my needs are met, food, shelter, relative safety, so why am I so anxious? Why is memory not perfect, we only remember clumps, and why do colors, and life seem to change? People change, and why do we continue to move on?

I question everyday recently what the hell is the point? Having studied culture, seen irrational mankind, and experienced bad times, good times, health, sickness, good food, travel....to me....what is left? I could quite frankly think about the fact I am about to turn 30, I will only grow old, the environment will only get worse, man will never learn from its mistakes, evil does win most of the time, and being nice doesn't get you anywhere, but a trip down the vulgar routes in life will bite you as well. Its impossible to be culturally good, or bad, then what to do?

Experience then. Fun for funs sake, while not harming others, and to just ride it out....there however may be a point and this is where I must delve more into existentialism, perhaps while there may be no god per se, maybe there is a reason. I think we have always lived, always been, some us that is, and wouldn't that be weird?

Style over Substance and Old Men

2008-03-21T14:02:00.003Z

My manager yesterday brought me into a room. I manage a small team and young, diverse people, with one older guy in his forties. I have been doing this for the past six months given that the previous team manager went on maternity leave, after dumping all her work on me, and screwing me over for a promotion.
She was hired about a year ago, from a Scottish Bank, she thinks she is well and intelligent, but knows as they say in England fuck all.
When I asked my manager what my role will be when I come back, I was told something like a deputy, in other words, more responsibility, opportunity for this returning manager to dump work on me, but no pay or respect.
When I said, well she doesn't know anything about how the systems work or the job, I was told 'She has a way of walking into a room and getting people on board, she may not understand but will go back and learn'. In other words, style over substance, let me translate into truth: "She is a phony, she smiles, tells people what they want to hear, knows nothing, will lie, and then dump the work on others to take credit so she can rise up on a complete lack of knowledge"
This is what has infected this decade.
Why are governments failing? Why are institutions failing? Because we put smiling liars into positions where they know nothing. This is like asking a mathematician working with NASA to calculate the risk of Foam, smile and tell everyone its OK no problem, and wait oops the shuttle has blown up.
Or politicians with no psychology, sociology or knowledge of history, ethics, right and wrong. Just having money, connections, smiles, lies, and belief and then acting on things that are not only wrong, but proven wrong. My friends 1+1 equals 2. I can show that to you with two oranges. But people like my soon to be manager and George Bush will tell you 1 +1 equals 3, and that is why the world is fucked and we live in a nightmare. God damn then all....but hey heh heh heh...I am still here and there are others like me, beware because my vengeance is going to be painfully real. This is a warning to my returning manager, I am going to finally apply all my thoughts, all my knowledge, not god or belief, but rational, realistic, truth and vicious painful calculated vengeance to make her life, and her families life, a living....real....fucking hell.

Old Men

This leads me to old men. At work I refused to allow a trade to go through because of the Regulators concept of suitability. I was excluded the next day from a series of meetings, our lawyers worked out a way to get the trade done because the person doing this trade, was doing it through his wifes account. However, the client was good friends with the number three man at the company.

The second failure of our decade and of history in fact is that humans can not help doing things for friends and relatives. I won't write out the fancy word for this as I am anti-University, which is another post on ivory towers at some point. I digress...
They got the trade done because this guy was friends with the client, even though it put the firm and all of us at risk which is not what they preach to us or the masses.
This fact that we can not trust institutions with their lies, is something the masses fail to grasp.
The public is kept dumb on lies, religion and non stop commercialism, we have no idea who to trust.
I trust Jack Daniels, because for all their advertising I was there and saw it.
I do not trust my bank, because of what I have seen on the inside...
The problem with doing things for friends is that without strong ethics you can make rash decisions. What is worse is that as I mentioned above when we infect our institutions with morons, smiling phonies, with no knowledge, they tend to pick bad friends.
For example, George Bush would say yah know I met Putin, great guy funny, he is my friend. But Putin is a heartless corrupt nut case.
Or Dick Cheney goes, yup that guy is my friend, good times with him when we go hunting, but this guy may head up a Nuclear Waste disposal company that dumps its left overs into our rivers and streams.
Let us not forget that my bank and others think those gooks in china are their friends...as they crack down on Buddhists and attempt to censor us and take over the world, the more they put their ass on that country, the more we will be under the control of that country.
In Summary, Friendship, is multiplied into the American nightmare, because we put style of substance, and their friends are very bad, which makes bad decisions even worse.
I learned something yesterday, I don't need their fucking money or their shit. No matter how hard I work it is a number and I have the same stuff the middle class has. And if you think the rich got it so much better, they don't, they are just fools. A Big Mac sometimes is tastier than the garbage pork and tart I had at this over priced shit hole near work that sells itself as fancy. They are being conned, again too stupid, but they got every teenager wanting to be like that ghetto fool Stephan Marburry. We both went to the same high school, he thinks dog torturing is fine, because he made it rich by dribbling a basketball, but yah know, he will always be a moron, and will always have spit in his food, and his phonyism will never hid the fact his relatives and himself are failures in thought and in life, money is number, sneakers all look the same, and basketball right now is boring and sucks, cause of lazy cunts like him.

Style over substance, and old men...
And close to the anniversary of Iraq, THAT is how we got into the war and nothing some talking head on TV or my ex professors will tell you.

"....By the Uzi machine gun, does the recoil remind you of sex, Old man what the hell you gonna kill next. I looked over Jordan and what did I see. Saw a U.S. Marine in a pile of debris. I swam in your pools and lay under your palm trees. I looked in the eyes of the Indian who lay on the Federal Building steps. And through the ranger finder over the hill. I saw the front line boys popping their pills. sick of the mess they find, On their desert stage, and the bravery of being out of range. Yeah the question is vexed. Old man what the hell you gonna kill next. Old timer who you gonna Kill Next..."

Spitzer

2008-03-15T17:13:00.004Z

The market goes up, the market goes down. When the market is about to go up, the media begins publishing loud, ranting articles from talking heads, like that on CNBC saying can the recession get any worse. At this point, expect the market to turn around.
As the market improves, the articles begin to change. You start reading about fancy cars, what the rich are doing, and how the wall street types are getting into whatever it celebrities are doing, maybe california wines are big, or the new generation is now drinking gin martinnis again.
As the market continues its upwards climb the media will then shift gears, asking how long can it last, recession just around the corner. This will continue for the next few years, until a recession begins again. As the signs are obvious the drumbeat about Americans spending less and new laws being proposed to control something that already happened, ie. the 90's IPO boom, Enron scandal, and today Mortgage/Liquidity crisis. Only to wash and repeat.
Spitzer came to power at the height of enron and at the top of a rising market. He lambashed what everyone knew was the entire capitalist corruption and wagged his finger. But those in power would only let so much regulation come in, because they rant and rave that a perfect market lacks any law. This is bannanas, the lack of any law means that there is no good or bad way to do business. Look at Russia, when will we admit that all levels of our lives and jobs are pyramid schemes. Those at the top work less than those at the bottom, most are fools who are too dumb and take risks that smart people would not. Look at the type who run for presidency, only to let these very fools make the worst kind of decisions that affect millions.
This is propped up by an increasing ignorant population, the fact that most humans are unintelligent is epitomized by anyones memory of school, to think these people change when they become adults is wrong. Its the same idiots. Few smart people, few corrupt, and the bulk of the class is stupid. That is how the business world is, the govt is, and how all of history has been.
The world will never be wonderful, fair, or decent, because the majority is doomed to be uneducated, uncaring, and unable to control anything.
One rotten apple will always ruin it, just as one hero can make things better, over time they cancel each other out and we are left the with the dumb masses. We live irrationally, look at our population on this planet, you just can not keep having kids forever, you will run out of space and resources, but we plug away with religious people having 12 kids. Or look at arabs who live in desserts, they got there because somewhere their ancestors were so dumb they set up and camp and though yup, inhabitable dessert, great spot to live. Or Vegas, great spot for a city, no water, but of course we can pump that in from somewhere else, until they turn that very place into a dessert.
The problem is of good and evil. However, the very definitions are always changing and cultural. Illicit sex is not a big deal for the French, but very evil for a Muslim nation or the US and its protestant back ground. So for Spitzer, sex with a prostitute is very evil. Sending soldiers on a needless war, to die and ruin millions of lives, that seems acceptable. In other words, gay people only hurt the ass of the one they love. Spitzer only hurt his wife, family and the state of New York. George Bush, he made all our lives worse, but the majority of red necks and brainwashed Americans will defend him to the last.
One of things I have seen in the UK is football culture. Sure as a Yankee fan I hate boston, its like acting, its fun, but I would never act on it. In the UK though, these fans really do hate each other and fight, just because one person wheres a red jersey and the other a blue jersey. People will always fight, because we are animals, we shit, fart, piss, eat and have sexual urges.
Each day is the same. You wake up, and act out the same thing over and over with minor changes. Those changes impact your next day. Work hard Monday, pay check on Friday. Wander from your marriage Tuesday, and end up divorced next Thursday. Its a cycle.
We can not live the same day, we need change, its built into us. Conservatives deny this and we build complicated theories and explanations that become so intricate they fall right off the point.
Look at a justice system, its the only way to explain how someone who smokes pot can get more time in jail then serial house robbers. The pot head, only hurt himself, and he is punished to help Himself get off drugs, so they ruin his life to save it. The robber ruins and innocents persons life, over and over again, but fails to be reprimanded because once a real criminal is created we have no way of rehabilitating.
The fall of mankind is its denial of reality, truth, facts, and faith. Faith is the denial of truth, which is why acting on faith will never work. To believe you can walk on water, will only let you drown. To know that you will drown walking on water, will make you not walk on water and alive the next day. To act on religion which all have been clearly disproved, yet the majority of humans continue to lie.
In truth, the only way to live is pleasure, balance, and doing the best you can. Were the palestinians to be organized to build homes, paint their rooms, and harvest, they would be fine. To continue to build bombs and fight, leads them to their own poverty. Like a North Korea, where the population is ruined by one man.
To be honest, life is in our minds, no one admits this, but when I die, the truth really is, this existence, this world is no more. At no point do people consider life before being born, and that is your answer to life after death. Its nothing, but at any point, you could come back into an existence, and science is showing more and more about the world, time, space, that there are multiple realities, life does not need a creator, we always will be.
When you look at a colony of ants, they look quite the same, some die, to think they go on to a happy ant heaven is ridicoulous, the same can be said of people.
There is no happiness, there is only existence. A perfect heaven would get very boring after a while, but is there infinite experience? Probably not, its just very very vast, and that by forgetting can allow us to go on experiencing as much as we want forever.
This is why if you take shrooms, things melt, change and your mind transports you elsewhere, same with dreams, because our minds shape this reality.
The Yin Yang is correct, you have to have Three.
One is you, One has to be the outside world and you can call that god, though it acts not like what people thing of as god, it just is, your opposite. And Three is the merging of the two.
Everything can be broken down to this. You can not have evil, without good, and on a normal day we are all in the middle.
You can not have cold without hot, life without death, start without finish, and in the middle is existence.
So maybe there is nothing to fear, maybe we can take comfort in knowing that the journey happens all the time, we just need to live with it, and try to make the best happen for all. Until that is realized, existences will be less pleasurable, until at some point, we will reach happiness and accept that all is possible and for the taking, but I can not be sure until I finally die, which of course must happen, the worst is nothing, the best is the next thing, but maybe we end up somewhere else with some memory.
I can not say I remember 1978, being born, I know I was there, same as last Monday. I have memories, and I know who I am, but each day is new. That is what death will be, you may not remember it all, but maybe a few bits and pieces remain, or maybe the point is completely starting fresh, like a new day.

The Truth About Baseball

2007-12-19T17:20:00.000Z

I was going to write, to ask Muslims to take a minute, and think about why a bunch of people would walk into the dessert, throw a bunch of rocks at a wall, and think that anything productive could come from that, and then I remember, wait, your all a bunch of stupid fucking assholes and even chimps don't toss rocks for some made up story. How dumb, sand niggers.

Now anyways. Speaking of throwing rocks, baseball! Which has a point, because its a game based on the reality of physics, its not based on a story, and it actually happens, in fact, I seen baseball live, have you seen god? Asshole sand niggers.

I digress...oops one more sand nigger coming, stupid fucking Islamic twats, sorry. I meant, you stupid fucking Islamic cunts. That is right, its a made up story, you are wrong, HA HA I AM RIGHT. Why? I can prove I am right, ha ha, you can't prove or have evidence of a single thing in your book, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAH Damn it feels soooo good to be smarter and better than Muslims, yup. Sure do hate the truth, too bad people don't write the truth on CNN or the news, you will only find the truth here, I am your god.

Now onto baseball.

Why should baseball players NOT BE FORGIVEN as a large number of stupid fans and mainly black commentators keep writing on new sites like CNN and such. Its funny how the media propagates a culture of forgive, but only when its for rich people, forgive CEO's, forgive Dick Cheney, forgive Conrad Black and awww forgive baseball players. NEVER, burn fuckers and I will tell you all why, and who the guilty are!

This story starts with ball players themselves. Drugs from what I have read, have always been part of the game, whether we learned that Mickey Mantle was an alcoholic or that in the seventies players were most likely popping reds/speed. We also know and accept limited forms of cheating in baseball, scuffed balls, corked bats, but always when discovered we treat them as minor infractions. So why should steroids not be similar, what is different?

Cheating of any kind in professional sports should not be treated lightly. When you think of how much money they make, for so little work, and the fact that us poor schmucks pay stupid prices for tickets and cable TV rights, you realise that it is no laughing matter when these guys cheat. Hands down, corked bats should be punished just as severely as any other types of cheating.

If it were not for people like Condoleeza Rice, Dick Cheney, Jerry Falwell, and Henry Kissinger, these are true liars, and cheaters in life. They cheat in the game of academia and I can tell you though that up against my pure mind, they would all get whammed down. But these people are the ones who control the media and institutions in their own sick, sad, stupid little ways, and they want you to forgive ball players, because the ball players turned out to be liars (did Jesus give you roids Pettite?) and cheats just like our politicians, CEO's and so called leaders, quite Frankly no CEO is leader to me, nor is Rupert Murdoch or his pussy failures that he calls sons.. puke.

The ball players greed was beyond big contracts and money, it was too perform well, break stats, and as we headed into the doping era, to stay on top of other doped up players. Barry Bonds wanted his home run record, like Mcguire and Sosa. Giambi just wanted to keep his spot on the team when battling slumps and others just wanted to tweak their stats, the drive to win and be the best allowed them to make the mistake of doping. In the end, it is their own health that all the money in the world will not fix, that will suffer. Good luck with the Tiny nuts. The real losers and why their may be punishment in the next consciousness is the fact that teenagers, little league obsessed loser dads, etc. will now take steroids and do far more harm at a younger age to themselves, in order to cheat.

Perhaps though all of the above is obvious and what we lack here is the perspective of how bad this doping really was, what drove it beyond players desires for money and stats, and actually look at the Union, the owners, and Bud Selig.

The Union. Why do baseball players need a union? They are millionaires, they should not have to strike, this ain't the 1940's, its not a job, its a fucking well paid sport. They make their main money outside the sport via their agents who act like union reps anyways and get them promo deals. Come on, factory workers, police, firemen need a union, not baseball players, they make a mockery of the working class that truly needs to be unionized and they give unions a bad name. Break up this baseball player union, because they are the ones who fought tooth and nail not allow testing, to protect the guilty on the sheer basis that they didn't give a fuck if their members were hurting themselves and ultimately costing players money in the long run, who needs that type of help?

The owners. Old and stupid, and that's not even counting when George Bush Jr was a fucking baseball president, shows that if you inherited money, you can end up owning a baseball team, in fact, I bet a chimp with a broken leg, severe mental retardedness, and bad gas could be a better owner than any that have owned before. You rich bastards have tons of pay back coming in hell, but for the way you dole out money to these jock heads its disgusting. And then complain when fans don't fill the stadium? Why, because you fucking took our tax money to build it then call it yours, that is stealing? Why, because you OVER CHARGE US, to pay dumb amounts to dumb players and yell at us for not attending the game? How about we make baseball games ten dollars, beer is two dollars a cup, and a souvenir bat is 5 bucks with a free hot dog for your kid. Let me tell you, the fucking stadiums would be packed every day buddy like in the forties when it cost a dime, and let me tell you, you can make just as much money, just pay these over priced drug heads less, they won't be able to even afford the steroids anymore and they will play a lot harder when they know that they need to meet their electric bill like the rest of us working slobs.

Finally, Bud Selig, if ever there was an inept asshole, who no matter how unqualified, stupid, inept, and moronic continues to keep his job? Again its like how the fuck is George Bush president, there must be about a hundred other idiots who keep this dick head propped up. He is a failure as a man and as a person, let a lone commissioner, he should be fired and sent to work in a pig farm. What a schmuck and I hope I didn't insult any pig farmers, god, Selig you blow.

You are all cheats, Barry Bonds is a shit head of a person, I can only hope the steroids fuck you up bad and you die slow, same to your kid, asshole.

And they deserve it, I apologize for nothing. Judge and be judged, I didn't take steroids, I am smart, hard working, honest, so yup, that is right I am better than you cheating ball players and rich owners, cause I earned my way, and I can just say what I want, unlike you people, because you got nothing on me. Steroid taking cheaters, let us hope, that baseball drug tests and cleans up its act, I know I ain't paying to see a game of cheats any time soon, and neither should you. Have some real MORALS America and boycott baseball this year and don't forgive, because the media tells you too.

Something Must Have Happened Over Manhattan

2007-12-16T11:46:00.001Z

The words conjure images of two planes smacking into the World Trade Center, a violent act that the Arabs still have yet to sow, very bad Karma indeed.

Most people who know me, know my passion is listening to music, mainly rock in all its forms, except rap, because RAP aint rock, nor is pop and neither deserve to be in the hall of fame which is hunk of shit, I plan to create my own some day to correct that crap.

What though is my favorite song? If you think of the thousands stuck in my head, and from my club days I had a knack of picking up songs off the first two beats.

I do have a favorite though and thought I would share this here on the ole blog and the reasons why.

The New York Dolls- Frankenstein

The New York Dolls in my opinion are THE first punk band. They were so punk, they didn't invent the fucking word yet to describe them. They essentially tore down classic rock and progressive rock at the time back into a raw 1950's sound that would be emulated even today. To gain attention though they dressed as women, which may have distracted from what they were doing musically, still though, they even were trend setters in this regard as they were all straight, right at the time the gay movement and new wave would make gender bending the norm.

On Frankenstein what we have is not only progressive, original, first time musical achievements. The first punk sound, the throw back to fifties rauch guitar with duel guitarists, but we also have an amazingly awesome new wave synth sound. So they pioneered new wave and punk, again, never credited as most of this lays later with the Ramones and Sex Pistols.

They also came out of CBGB's and New York, so suck it London.

They year was 1973, let us put that in perspective. Most people would not come to know punk or the roots until 1977 or later. If you think about the time period, 1973 was only 5 years after wood stock. The times were moving fast, music in my life time has not changed in 20 years.

The synth track while not the first, I have to give that to Roxy Music, but Roxy only layed that down a few years earlier, Bowie was not even in his Berlin period yet. Iggy and the Stooges, while clearly also the other early grandfathers of punk, could not muster a synth track.

What makes Frankenstein unique though, is the fact that with all these elements that actually duplicated a Wall of Sound technique similar to that nutcase Phil Spector.

It is Johnny Thunders though that is amazing. If not for his tragic heroine abuse, move over Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse you ain't got drug problems compared to him and Dee Dee Ramone. Thunders slams down some of the most awesome fucking rifts that you have to listen too, hard, to appreciate over the screaming vocals.

The Lyrics suggest a mounting doom, until David Johansen is litterally screaming in a very whiney new york accent Frankenstein, litterally Screaming. This song is pure rock because its yelling, angy, and unleashed. No song ever that I have heard has become so unhinged, so loud, so in your face, but holds itself together without having to curse or turn into mindless noise. That to me is music. Its litterally falling apart rage but they maintain the song, all throughout this wonderful synth beat is fighting over the guitars. The song is one giant Battle of sound.

I can listen to it over and over again. If you want to know anything there is about music, this is a song to analyze and you won't read that anywhere else.

So as the rock and roll hall of fame looks at Run DMC and Madonna, you remember the true rock legends the New York Dolls, and if that song doesn't make George Bush's daughters tear off their clothes and fuck each other, than I don't know what will.

Rock Lives.

Proof Against Religion Number One

2007-12-15T18:02:00.000Z

The first in a series to dispel religion for the few with a brain, by god. I must be god, as I am more intelligent then the billions of animals that believe this crap, hence this really is my consciousness, when I go, you all go.

Multiple Religions

If religion was true and this goes for all of them, then why so many? A person born on an island, without exposure to let us say the three Big religions, Islam, Christanity, Judaism would not know of these potentially, if there was a true religion, would it not appear everywhere at once?
Why when we look at prehistory did the major religions often begin in times of political struggle? Jews fighting egyptians, christians fighting romans, Mohammed that sorry ass political hack trying to fight everyone with his left hand covered in his own poop!

While these occurred, Native Americans, Inuit, Africans, South Americans, all developed their own religions that in most cases lasted far longer than any of the major religions we actually see today. This is hard to grasp for most arabs and middle americans, because it requires thought and numbers.

If for example, Islam was the one true religion, why do we not see it appear on its own completely separate? Should not the Mayans have seen jesus? Why are the languages different, does god not speak in one tounge, and don't give me that tower of babylon shit.

Let us go back though, because most Americans and Arabs fail to read history. They would not understand if I started talking about Nuer Tribesman beliefs, even Eygyptian beliefs. Let us talk about two religions that some people are familiar with through movies. The Greeks and the Romans. Now the Greeks came first, with Zeus and their mulitple gods. People believed in them for thousands of years til it all fell by the wayside. It was brought back though by the Romans, but under different names for the gods.

Now, why then for people who lived a full life, were they deprived christianity or Islam? Was not their fault, why would the true god, not reveal himself to those people? Makes no fucking sense.

The obvious answer is that people make up their own religions, based on their own culture, their own ideas, and then their own languages so that for each unique culture, time period, and geographical area, we find each groups made up story. Which also explains why Neanderthals and early man may have buried their dead or in the case of Neanderthals possible antler cults. We often find in early man fertility mother figures which hints at early religion. This mother figure is not Jesus or Satan, just man's fear or maybe for these people, man's inner sense of something.

I don't think there is NOT something more to earth, I just think, like physics, its fairly out of our reach unless one thinks. I tend to lean towards hindu philosophy myself, based on shrooming, that its all consciousness and our own choices.

For example, two years ago I painted my room blue. When I woke up this morning, the room was blue and I liked it. God did not do that, I did that, in the past for myself. My life is good, not because I am white, but because I worked hard while others were stealing or being lazy, so that today I have money. See this is what liberals and everyone fails to grasp, they blame others, rather than themselves. It is always your life, not someone elses. This is why YOU do not go to fight others wars. See Dick Cheney and George Bush should fight, rather than steal your food and your life. That is why politicians use religion, it is a tool to scare people with the threat of some magical thing, to get people to do things for them. When you die, life ticks on.

So remember that you are god. You do what you want and you get what you do throughout your whole life until it stops. Before I was born, I have no memory for infinity, there was no problem with that. In fact, death infinity would be fine, I never worried about Jesus or the Romans or Attila the hun or hitler, until I was born. I do not apply those old problems to myself now though. Life is experience, treat the world ok, because just like before you were born, when you die, you never know if you will be awakened again, and what you will inherit. Treat people well, do right, punish the evil, make the world a better place, because you never know when you will COME BACK HERE. And that my friends, is the secret to life and religion.

Finally some good news on the holidays!

2007-12-11T16:37:00.000Z

"It seemed like it was me, the gunman and God," she said, her hands trembling as she recounted the shooting during a news conference.

Hey stupid. Your ten commandent say THOU SHALL NOT KILL. YOUR GOING TO HELL BITCH.

Also, once again to prove religion stupid. If it was her and god shooting the guy who shot those useless religious idiots, why didn't god stop the first killings? You ask me the only sane one was the guy who decided to take out religious people. Assholes.

Once again I am the only person out of billions who found the faulty logic in this. I am going to keep tearing apart quotes and news articles about religion, revealing the way the media lies and manipulates you animals.

The Christmas Cancer and Torture List (Through Pain Begets Knowledge into the Ignorant and Evil)

2007-12-10T13:48:00.001Z

As chuck sits here, being driven crazy, embarrassed in front of his family, friends, and good coworkers, while lingering due to very painful shingles, he looks back on 2007. For him personally, he knows he was right, good, and everything that you don't find in the nearly 8 billion animals wandering about, prentending they did not evolve from primates. As children continue to get cancer, as my Uncle and Aunt died unexpectedly in prime of their lives for no reason, and when I read an article about an Iraqi woman, who had a child. She helped the US soldiers, despite the risks, she liked 80's rock, maybe Journey like me, the sweet sound of Steve Perry ringing through your ears.....and then she was kidnapped by a group of iraqi, muslims no doubt or christians, i dunno all religion is madness and evil, grabbed her. They raped her, and finally tortured her with a power drill (documented on msnbc news blog article). So if you don't understand the below, then I am your god and you will pay. Happy Holidays

2007 List O'Wishes

Its been a tough year for our boys in Iraq, what with George Bush who is an acknowledged moron, backed by belief and bigger morons, destroys my one chance at consciousness, I look back to Al Sadr. The fat Muslim cleric, who like Bush, is also remarkably unintelligent, I mean being a muslim or believing in religion makes you stupid anyways, but I digress. Al Sadr, we know where he is, but our pussy US govt won't do anything to him. Why let one man ruin millions of lives, is it not more logical to kill him instead?
I read a lil story from the ole War Nerd on the Exile, General Patton, once went down to Mexico, and that Patton knew this Mexican chief was leading these rebels. Ole Patton went on down there and found this leader, shot him, then strapped his bullet ridden body to the car and drove it through town. Guess what? The little morons didn't peep much after El Leader got fucked up the goats ass (All borrowed from the War Nerd, check out the exile).
So what does Al Sadr get from Chuck the God At christmas this year? I wish a general who thinks rational like me to take control of his own rogue force. I want them to drive down to Al Sadrs hole, and don't tell me the govt does not know where he is hiding, because how else does Donald Rumsfield still have intense anal sex with Al Sadr, he knows where his ass is!
This rogue squadron, grabs fat Al Sadr, and puts him onto a car, something those oily arabs like, and drives his bullet ridden body through town, here's the catch, he is stuffed with the finest imported PORK italian sausage, and then his body is dumped along with any close relatives into a pit of sewage. Merry christmas, you bearded ignorant fat prick AL SADR.

Next up is the last of the dictators Robert Mugabe. What can I say? How can one man destroy the only African nation that had an economy, then blame us Europeans and the US? No no, Robert, you are the old moron, and you like to send thugs out to be tough? How about Robert comes down to my job as client, we would take anyone really, and I grab that old man and take his eyes out, flame thrower the holes to keep him uninfected and alive, then feed them to him. Finally I take a good ole American hammer, and begin breaking every old bone in his body.
WAIT!!!! Is that the liberal professors from my old college I hear? Like Garbrielle blowing Christ's horn, the liberal professors say it's wrong to pick on an old man? I think it's fair, he sends out thugs, I take him on one to one?
Maybe we should move all the liberal professors to the Marlborough projects, so they can live among the scum that does not work hard, with opportunity in the city and public schools (I attended them all, was poor, and picked on cause of being white, but look at me, its called hard work, no religion, and not being a moron assholes) The liberals like to say I am successful not cause of my sacrifice or hard work, but apparently because I am white. No.... this christmas all my liberal professors get an apartment in the projects ,so their kids can be raped, bullied, and tortured, by crack heads. Maybe the liberals can take a few bums in to sleep with their wives, not the bums fault for being a disgusting waste of life and in my way? When the homeless bums used to rob or taunt us at work or harass my mother, the do gooders would come down and defend the bums? I can only wish those liberals have their children raped by those bums then the bums are forced to live in the kids rooms, cause the liberals need to take them in, lets see their hearts bleed this christmas!

My manager who is on maternity. Ahhh the Scottish Cunt. Who single handely brought down my marriage, my career, my promotion, and ruined all the work I did, for her own gain, only to never do any work and take six months off pregnant, could not even come in to face me on her review. Of course, the manager she reported quit, then it took two years to get a new head manager, so when they came in and found the place, they blamed me instead of her, cause she is Chinese, likes my younger colleague over me, even though I do more and am more mature, and the ole VM gets treated like she is great for taking credit from my work and not managing my work load.
For her, this christmas, I plan to wish that an Angry mystical Anti Santa, finds her two kids, a boy and lil girl, and put them in an oven, in front of her, slowly roasts em with a lil christmas card. Merry christmas from chuck thanks to the Evil Santa Spirit. (Note I won't do this, I only hope it happens figuratively, the law will not allow it, if it was legal, I would consider...) And Muslims and Christians, and Kazhakistanians, Syrians, Lebanese, etc. Its Called FREEDOM OF FUCKING SPEECH BEARDED MORONS. The very idea you can control anothers thoughts shows you how DUMB THEY ARE! YOu dont like this existence go find your false consciouness.

Rupert Murdoch, Scrooge himself.....the man who secretly lobbies politicians overriding the will of the people who are more rational then these phoney old men who sit on top of others work and pyramid schemes pretending they are smart. This jack ass is trying to cut out a measely extra holiday for workers, not everyone is a cold, evil, money obsessed, twisted old shallow ignorant fool like him. His sky is shit, I switched to virgin. I can only hope three spirits visit him, each one with a different form of torture that he never wakes up from this christmas eve. Also, may his kids end up in jail and bankrupt! Do not watch FOX News or read the wall street journal!

Finally what christmas list is complete with out teenage yobs, dick cheney, and george bush. What do they have in common? They are above the law. So we can only hope that they all do get an after life. Where as Dante once said, may they be frozen up to their necks and knaw on the back of each others heads for infinity....

Happy Holidays. Cancer on all who deserve it, especially the guy i got in an argument on the bus once, and the faggot on welfare checks who argued with me in walbaums. Maybe its time starting next year, that we stop religion and lie of PC from now on, you show me a republic, anyone who practices full on religion, not an agnostic, or you show introduce me or show me any yob or poor criminal, and I will say what they actually are, Ignorant, Lazy, VIle, and we need a rationalist revolution. Not torture and body burning on good fun, smart, hard working people, but all the crud, and not on race, but on rational criteria. All rapists should be gased, why not? All three time theives hung, why not, they going to grow up at 30 with no degree to be a doctor? To contribute? All teens who threaten me or my house should learn not to play with fire, may I rip their eye balls out. THe right to self defense must be honored, something england does not get. If someone breaks into your house, why should you obey the law when the other person already broke the law and you could die because of their actions? You must be able to kill, because you can not risk anything, why the govt fails to see this i dont know, the justice system seems designed to help criminals, rather than why it was invented in the first place, to punish, destroy evil, and protect the good. If that fails, then I know how to stop crime, just wipe em out, we know who the yobs are. Maybe all hip hop cds should be laced with poison, that would drop the crime rate by hundreds, well its only a wish....Free Speech!

Cancer on the pricks, cancer on the pricks, ho ho ho....

(Note, this is a joke post, i do not incite, any coinincidence to those living or dead is conincidence, except dick cheney, he really is a moron. Merry christmas!)

Chuck For President

2007-12-01T23:40:00.000Z

My original Speech...or part of it.

My fellow Americans. I am chuck, and I would like to be your president. The problem of the world is simple and you all understand it. Man woman child. It is not our sex, race or history. It is religion. My friends, we believe in too much and focus on belief. We create and live in an imaginary world and create imaginary things, ignoring reality. We are all in Reality. Reality has some rules and physical laws, that despite what TV shows you, we know are untrue, and unproven.

Here me out America. One more sentence, at least. You see the world is plagued by man hurting man because of mythical beings. People are hurting each other and the planet because of things in their heads or other peoples heads. They are running away from reality and hurting those of use who are trying to live. If you seek another world, than kill yourself, not us, JUST Yourself and see your allah, jesus, or whatever name to the place or thing you dream.

We have not seen any proof of god in our life time, of all the hundreds of beliefs, none are proven,a nd we fight over storied negelecting reality, ignoring the real problems, and being swindled by liars who please us on TV.

We are lazy, we are ignorant, and we are not making the most of our lives. There is no heaven or hell, there is just here and now.

Vote for me, and I will fix the now.

Thank you and good night America.

Chuck

The Power of October and Correcting the Last Post

2007-10-20T22:11:00.000Z

Halloween is my favorite holiday. I was born October 13th, 1978, which I checked while running a basic program back in high school over ten years ago.

October, when the leaves change, nights get longer, weather cold and brisk, has always been my favorite time period.

I love the leaves changing, the cold crisp air, the holidays about to happen, the end of the year. The start of football, and of course Halloween. My birthday, my birth signs, its always been what I call my power month.

So why have a nervous breakdown last thursday?

Because it woke me the fuck up. I am realizing what I have to do to win Tina's love back. I have stocked a fridge full of food. When the satellite failed yet again and I could not watch the game, I just fucking went looney and replaced my phone, internet, and tv provide right to cable. Why? Cause I am an american and I know cable rules! fuck it. I did it, cause its October.

God I love October, even though I broke down, I will win. A break down like this in February, and well I may not be here folks.

folks? Uber American.

Anyways, i will save my rant on how americans talk in the midwest or on cnn for another night.
This weird seriousness, this over point blankness, that irritates the fuck out of me. Sheriffs and fat women use it. Pisses me off FOLKS.

The second post is about my last post within this post or whatever...

I wanted to make a major statement but I was drunk.

Pre History should be taugh to children. We neglect the biggest portion of time and history and focus on trivial things. We all know that when we are forty the date when the battle of waterloo started is not important. We should teach our children eras. Like as long as they got chronology right, so knowing that Napoleon follows Aristotle and is before WWII is enough.

I think Pre HIstory would teach kids about the earth, its development, their point in life, the shortness of life and our missing in life. Its the ultimate wake up factor, and it will also show that we created civilization very slowly, it did not just appear.

The lack of pre history gives children the idea that barbarians existed until the Egyptians, Romans, and Greeks came along. Then it fast forwards to the dark ages, where apparent nothing happend, so they leave out middle eastern science, math, and the fact that Dante was a brilliant writer. Only to end up focusing on the last five hundred years or so. No wonder kids find history boring.

History should be like Quantum Physics. Large, encompassing, and Interesting.

"I am the son and the heir of a shyness that criminally bogus. I am the son and the heir of nothing in particular. You shut your mouth, how can you say, I go about things the wrong way. I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does..." The Smiths and covered by Love Spit Love

Nervous Breakdown Reveals My Most Serious Post Yet

2007-10-19T21:51:00.000Z

This is very serious and if anything I have ever written was useless and unoriginal I can firmly say that what I am about to type is actually a good idea for once.

Why don't we focus and teach more about pre history? Because it smacks religion, and mans ignorance in the face and it makes all the quiet lil sheep that do the bidding of the masters, so that the masters can satisfy their ID's, greed, money, power, sex, food, water.

Pre history. That's right. Man as we know it is roughly One million years old. Great civilizations as we know it, are 10,000 years old at most, in fact the major civilizations are more like 8,000 bc or earlier like 3500.

So let me give you this tidbit. You have geological time periods that stretch 250 millions years.

You have tribolite fossils. That you can see in museums or find yourself in the woods cause New Jersey used to be a sea bed!

Now...ask someone on the street what a tribolite is? They won't know. Ask them who Jesus or Mohammed is? They won't know. But I can show you a tribolite, can you show me Jesus or Mohammed fossil? NO, well guess whos the fucking crazy animal pig headed fucking moron? Thats right, YOU the RELIGIOUS PERSON. I shit on your religion, your insanity, and you people would cry if ever challenged by someone as rational and factual as me. I despise you, wallow in your ignorance, and count the bodies coming home from iraq, trailor trash fucking animals. A bunch of people who don't like being compared to monkeys, you sure act like them you lying, hypocritical, wife cheating, child molesting evangelicals, mormons, and muslims. You fools, you may out number me here, but i know the truth you hijack, and that means you will suffer.

My heaven, is your pain, for all the pain you cause me and true honest people who wanted to make life enjoyable. Just you wait fuckers, i can't wait to die.

Balance

2007-10-13T14:32:00.000Z

One of the more interesting geopolitical events I believe will take place, in our generation, in fact, over the next ten to twenty years, will be the decline of the USA, that began as soon as Joseph Mccarthy started a witch hunt on communisim, ushering in all those hicks that we didn't educate after the corrupt rebuilding following the civil war.

The final nail in the coffin, despite ineffective govt like Katrina, sub prime mortgages, trade imbalances with China, denial of global warming, dependence on oil....no the biggest nail, and the very last nail in that ole red white and blue coffin was of course Iraq.

Iraq has drained us militarily, its exposed too much weakness, and its left us incapable of offensive or defense. Think in September 11th, they bombed us (even took out the fucking pentagon!), what if a country, like Mexico even or Venezuela actually did an organized attack? I think they would walk right up the white house and pull a quivering, half nude, sweaty Dick Cheney out of a bunker and slide bannannas up his ass til he choked to death.

The balance though and point of my blog is not about all these obvious theories and observations, also sweeping generalizations I noted above, many of which are just taken from political news headlines, what I am saying is that if the above is true. If American is declining, but more importantly has spent its military and exposed military weakness, then American may final be set to topple as world number one. Its not just economic strength, it has always been size, nationalism, and military strength that runs this planet. Sorry god, sorry for forces of good, but this planet is quite uncaring, unfair, and brutal.

Now, that being said, the good news.

Being Number One is the worst. An Athlete who wins gold in the Olympics has triumphed, most of all its four years so they only have to deal with being on top maybe two olympics in a row? They win, enjoy the win, and can retire on top.
Now sports teams have much harder problems, you win the superbowl once, well the expectation is you better at least make it to the playoffs the next year, except that the season after you win, you get treated differently. Everyone plays harder, wants to prove something, against a winner, against whoever is on top.
If you want to be number one, you need to take out number, your focus is not on number three or two, its on number one. And if you can get allies, you can combine to take on number one. The focus is on the winner. Now being a winner feels good, it looks good, but in politics, you got the burden of the world as well as the blame.
Do good and its well thats easy for them to do, like Amerian aid through out the world in terms of providing food.
Do bad, like denying global warming and everyone blames you, even though China is the worst polluter.

As America loses power, it will be in a happier better position, instead of being burdened with the worlds pressure and striving for perfection, American can let its hair loose and be itself. The pressure is starting to come off. Let Russia and China talk tough, but we can team up with others and just berate them. In fact, its time the UN and third world countries started blaming them more for the worlds powers, why if they become the strongest, we can easily pick at them.

The other advantage is you don't have to go out and beat number one, you know its tough, instead you taunt and pick at it. Number one won't strike because now its just holding onto its position. I would envisage this happening to China or Russia, but more likely China. Once they become number one, they will find their hands are tied more than they think.

Whelp USA you did a good job here and there, lot of mistakes though, time for a new crooked power, but hey, have a beer, watch the sunset, and take time to enjoy, the pressure is not on.

Things

2007-10-11T21:03:00.000Z

Well I turn 29 this weekend, still alive. Somehow I am co-managing though it does not feel like it, then there is a possibility I manage the team. So first I avoided being a yuppie, ended up at an investment bank, then I wanted to just do a job not work long hours, now I work ten hour days all year around and do not take all my vacation time. Then I said I would never work from home, but now look forward to getting stuff done on weekends from my study.

Then the people I didn't like at the job went one by one, so why do I want to quit? Cause its driving me fucking crazy to work, and store all this information, always be behind, rarely get thanked, and then get in trouble for others mistakes, every day, constantly! All while telling people and helping people who rarely pay you back....with a wage tied more to luck and politics then real work. Only to come home from your commute to groups of roaming teenagers with attitude, dressed better than you, and ruling your neighborhood. Yes we are slaves. Because for all our worry and money, the underclass gets everything free or steals it from us like we are fools, cause our politicians craft laws that has put so much focus on criminals.

For example, today I read an article about a 37 year old woman with cancer, who is struggling to pay medical bills. I think of the fact she is only 37 and suffering cancer for no reason. So point one, no god, what good nice smart lovely god would do that to a person, i have seen my relatives die of cancer, I have yet to see god to spit in his face.

So this poor woman, is suffering, yet nobody helps her. However, get yourself a criminal that has 153 arrests over twenty years, has robbed peoples homes, and then rapes a woman, and we agonize over the case. Ok its very hard proving things because time is elusive, but when we do find the person, we spend so much time agonizing over punishment? Well if innocent people suffer and can die of cancer without a care, why focus so much on the poor animals that never developed higher cognitive abilities? You know why? Cause the system is inept. Let me put it to you this way, a 37 year old woman suffers and dies in Iowa of cancer nobody does anything. Kim Jon Ill, Stalin, Pol Pot, Papa Doc Duvalier....Gee can't kill them. Or misolivic, oh how we dragged out that trial. Who cares, kill them, painfully and quickly, because when they die, others live...but when a nobody dies for no reason, nobody cares...why care though for somebodies who cause misery millions of time over, it just beats the shit out of me?

Because life is not about god or purpose or meaning. Life is not about love, its about sensing things and experience, pre programed sensing and experiencing.....so maybe life is an illusion. Never happy, never content, always afraid....and creating immaterial bonds like family and marriage.

Often times people can not rectify the simple and obvious, because we are all obscured by clouds as pink floyd would say, but those are the clouds of immaterial complications that blur our view.

So the next time you think global warming, george bush in the white house, or why people so young get cancer, remember we are outnumbered by ignorance, and most things are as easy as you think and observable. You know most of the drug use and problems I see with people with everything. Like Britney Spears or Victoria Beckham these side show freaks they haul out and tell us we should be.

Its interesting though that they all seem to be trying to be something as well. We all our acting our way cause the truth is none of us KNOWS anything. That's why I fear the preacher who talks to god and the ignorant teenage thug. Both share something in common, not knowing a fucking thing, but acting out anyways. The man of god ignores rational, observable evidence and common sense, the ignorant teen lacks common sense and rationalism, both destroy, and both are stupid, and the degree of human stupidity is shocking.

Each day is the same, we just go on different paths and do some different things to make it all seem random. I have travelled though, and I can tell you, the media focuses on ignorance and hell holes, but pot is legalized and amsterdamn is one of the nicest cities I been too.

At 29 you get so tired of the lies, so tired of seeing things unfold, its endless frustration, day after day. Like living in a society of children where you are the only adult but they control everything, that's what this is like. Yet I got whiskey and motorhead and halloween, go figure. There are such wonderful things in life, I just hope some dumb teenager decides not to prevent me from them, or god help him, i will pull out eyes and feed them to him, thats another thing i want to do to some ignorant sixteen year old hip hopper, but mayber when i turn 99.

Oh and I would like to give a shout out to the fact that Religion, mainly islam, but christianity, evangelicals and even judaism is a load of crap, bunch of lies, you want to apply morality, apply common sense you lying little nut cases. Belief is another word for unreal lie.

Ritual

2007-10-06T00:13:00.000Z

We are human.

Ritual is important. Whether you are agnostic, atheist, or religious. Ritual is a repeated sequence of actions, carried out on a routine, set in time, basis. Rituals help us remember. Without separating things out, we can not categorize, and basically record, more importantly interpret, chunks of time.
Rituals divide these chunks and make life meaningful.

The problem of our generation is that computers, ease of travel, instant communication, black berries, lap tops, flexible working hours, global warming...George Bush in the white house...

Well of that stuff up there it blurs time. Political correctness attacks holidays, attacks religion way over the top and irrationally (they pick on the good tenets of religion). Global warming destroys weather patterns and interrupts our seasons, I had no summer here in England.

So in this time of Time Strife, I say Ritual. It is Halloween, for me. Hot or cold, rain or shine.
I break out black sabbath, goth, and remember the clubs. I remember. I sit down and relive that point in my life that was magical, emotional, and painful.

I live though. Ask me about work I can not tell you, its all my time though, put a painful stale blur.

But around October, as I turn 29. I remember candles, candy corn, and most of all my Dad. I remember Halloween and all that is good, not evil. I remember pop corn and horror movies, Bela, and Karloff.

It is these things that we live and miss, that we can recall. If only we turn off our computers, call a friend, or remember with a song, that time when things were OK or not OK, just to feel, to be, to be human, to make ritual.

Vegas

2007-09-29T15:04:00.001Z

"I just want a lot of good whiskey, a pack of camel cigarettes, a nice cigar, few hands of black jack, a good cheeseburger with a whole pickle on the side, several joints, and an eighth of shrooms , all over the course of three days not in one shot!"Chuck

Chuck is dead again...

2007-09-13T20:20:00.000Z

Maybe this time for real. I can't put up much longer with this world of being outnumbered by stupid ignorant animals and clearly no god or higher purpose or anything. Nothing quite matters and being cut off its no good. Everyday something else goes wrong, more work comes in, and more problems arise and I am just supposed to smile and go that is life? Well you can have life, take your Muslims, take your money, that your ignorant lying businessmen, take your phony stupid politicians, take your liberals, take your conservatives, and take all teenagers and that fucking shit HIP HOP and shove up your fucking ANIMAL ASSES. Rot in hell, to this crummy world except for probably a handful of friends, my parents, siblings, wife and cats, but when you got billions of other assholes, I am giving up the fight.

Once last chance, apparently I am being passed over for promotion and despite all I do, am being labelled a moaner by mgmt when I left the office in NYC a hero. Well now I am forced to find another job, start fresh, and hope i get sponsored on a work permit, hope my commute is OK, hope my salary is OK, in other words, I tried and lost at this game called life. I learned a lot a long the way its a shame its of no use and only makes you feel worse to be honest and right.
Doing the right thing gets you fucked and ignored, the cynics are right, why bother when a ten year old with a knife on the street has the law on their side and controls you.

Legalize shrooms, legalize pot, and blast classic rock, they were all I loved and a good whiskey, is that all I leave behind? I can't even get a gun to put in my mouth and end it all, I am not a writer, not an archaeologist, I am now not even good at office work. My marriage is spotty, my house is never finished, and I am worn out, burnt out, and miserable at 28. What the hell do I have to look forward to? Growing old, watching close relatives age and die, cancer at 35 because I smoke cigarettes now? I go sometimes a day without eating. Yes I have lots of dvds, but i live in paranoid fear cause I work so much of my belongings.
I never watch them, i never have the time or i am too tired or nobody who shares my interests.
You go through life being unique but i would rather join the masses but can't.
At least others like me became artists or contributed, i sold out, and even blew that. My thesis was rejected, I never even re read it out of the shere crap it was, i never made any point.

So that's me, the biggest odd nothing to ever happen. If I go remember the few good times unless my friends have things to say behind my back, my own parents don't even like me cause of the way their holiday was blown, even though i tried very hard, they hardly speak with me now after that, and that was months ago.

I can't even drive, i failed that. If you notch up my life its a failure that every violent 15 year old hip hop kid can laugh at me and know that they won in the game of life too.

So everyone take your planet, I can't wait til I am not in it anymore. I guess I will now start interviews and job hunt, set myself up for another let down, another failure, more unhappiness and maybe worse entrapment, banking it all. I bet most of my interviews will fail, I wont find a job i like with a tolerable commute or the hours i want, and i will end up taking a cut in pay and experience. Lets face it, i am a minority now.

Nobody likes Americans, i know nothing about English regulation, i have no certifications with England, why should I bother? They probably have some quiet cubicle just waiting for me to slowly crawl and retire too, then when they finally break me, i will try teaching and get heckled by animals for a penny a day salary, talking about history that I am not even sure about or trying to tell kids that anything at all actually matters, why set someone else up for disenchantment and failure, stay ignorant, love money, and stab backs, that is what wins, and people like me, we'll take the fall, but you all can keep you shitty existence.
My marriage was a nightmare, my honey moon was a nightmare, and I am tired of traveling, you see one mcdonalds you see them all, i broke out at the beach, and scuba will probably kill me. I never have time for anything i enjoy, i cant smoke weed, i cant play video games, and i have no time for much these days. So why live, its clear I am not wanted so it will be best when I step aside, I guess most memories of me will be making a fool out of myself drunk, a fitting end then, maybe i wanted to escape all this time, just too scared to do it.

Hell last night i even saw a shity monty python not sure why i like them. whats the point.
last album i thought was good is called Baron von tollbooth and the chrome nun. Probably me and 10 other hippies on the planet think the songs are good. Only thing i like on tv is metoclpyse or whatever that metal cartoon, but is that a reason to drag my ass out of bed everyday?

Thugs rule the streets whether your in england where its teenagers and yobs, or zimbawe where its militant negroes, or in the south where ignorant mullets and religious phonies squeeze enjoyment out of living.

I have nothing to contribute, so why should I fucking keep plodding on, even reading sucks. I am sorry crime and punishment has a crap ending.

Fuck Jesus and Mohammed, two made up stories no better than pinnochio.

Next time they try to say dinosaurs and humans are not evolved from monkeys, how do you explain petried wood and fossils of leaves...eh again....

whats the point of being me?

Chuck Lives

2007-07-21T23:16:00.000Z

Chuck is back.
Through the fall out, chaos, evil, break downs....
The bathroom rip off, the work stress...

I forgot about chuck. I forgot about my wife, except to shout at her, my parents who visited, Jeff, Cousin sean, mikey who lives with two cats, and even James o Leary, not to mention the great one who is hard to contact, but lives none the less.

In these past three years, i forgot who chuck was.

It was not Chucks fault you know. Too much pressure and horrible events that well, who can blame him for dying. His liver was shit anyways, he smokes, cancer, i mean, The guy is dooomed!

But here he is....

Chuck.

Vegas was the seed, the throw back to a mentor who blew his brains out.
Who lived a life I dreamed of, even mr garcia was suicidal all that coke and heroine....with diabetes...
Well..

Chuck lives.

You know...at work on Friday my manager was honest. That was all I was asking for at work and I got it, she confessed she almost quit, but her honesty...well.

On Saturday, some gods, somewhere, found me. The old lady at home base reccomending the paint that would hide my rust stain. The PC world guy who actually helepd me pick the right card, and he was black like me electrician and hes cool and do not accuse this blog or racism...the word nigger is like white trash, remember I hate everyone... regardless of color.

Oh and then there was the parking spaces in front of the dry cleaners on a busy road. The new coffee maker that had me wrecked on caffeine ohhh those organic chemicals, thoughts of my best high flash by from a chemisty class at Brooklyn College.

Yah and then there was my vanilla fudge cd, nice pyschedelic covers album...

Lets not forget about Tina finally driving through beckenham, the country roads, instead of our trips to the ghetoo.

The restaurant for lunch, with butterfly shrimp and the best fucking burger i had sinc Mchales.

Dammit, let us not forget about my sister on line, my friend jeffs wedding and Vegas.

Well chuck on his own is a sad fellow.

With my friends and Family, you fill the holes in his liver and put off his cancer for another year, hold on yeee diabetes genectic torture....

Chuck Lives.

God Help Vegas, I will find Cousin Seans Soul.

Chuck Quote

2007-07-12T23:32:00.001Z

In the game of life, wikipedia is the instruction manual.

From Darkness Emerges Light

2007-06-29T20:47:00.000Z

A world that gives us Lemmy is not evil. For all the ignorance, suffering and evil, there are still bursts of laughter and sparks of light. Evil without good, would not be evil and sometimes the light shows true. Be damned ignorance, for you will not win.

War of the Mosques, Music Bashing, The Bathroom

2007-06-20T21:21:00.000Z

I was reading msnbc today and I got two things to talk about. First, there was a music article that seemed interesting. It was written by a guy claiming to have worked in three different music shops, where the owners are snobby, like that movie I burned, but have not watched yet, High Fidelity.
The article had a good premise, over rated rock and roll inductees. The problem as usual were that it was a few random bands where the criticism was never on the music really, but on the glam and being famous?
This is a classic assault on rock and classic rock and I am getting sick of this shit.
In main stream media the rules of ripping apart music seems to be the following, always pick on classic rock and legends, always attack not on music, but by the morons they become because of the wealth and fame. The other rule is NEVER EVER criticize a black artist, cause apparently bb king, muddy waters, and parliament funkadelic are just okey dokey....
Another interesting thing is that classic rock still can not escape the bashing, even while it ages and dies. The real criticism should be blamed on POP music and HIp Hop.
Say what you want about Dylan, The rolling stones, the clash, metallica, pink floyd, or progressive rock like Yes, whatever you want to say, these guys followed the trends of their times and moved on. At least floyd albums actually are not all alike, the stones had hits and misses, yada yada. However, look at rap and hip hop. I am sorry that is TWENTY Years or more of the same fucking thing. HOw has rap or hip hop evolved since grand master flash and run dmc?
Well its definitely sold out. Drug message, yah. I mean weed does nothing despite government lies, same with psychedelics. But crack, cocaine? Not good my niggas. But hey nothing wrong with downin a forty for shorty, the real problem is the violence, but even that is not the worst thing about hip hop. The worst thing about hip hop is that while the Stones, Rod Stewart, Sting, while they all sold out, they usually kept most of it out of their music. I can't say the same for rap who basically preach consumerism, branding, selfishness, ignorance and stupidity as a way of life. You can not call them hypocrits, but that does not mean they are not untalented, non musical fools.
YOu want to hear interesting structures, sounds, complex instrument playing and melodies, then pick up the sex pistols, early punk, or any classic rock band. That is right, PUNK is not as simple as people talk about, the ramones wrote some catchy fucking songs. Last time a hip hop song got stuck in my head, i dunno, maybe it was when they ripped off led zeppelin.

Mosque War- I found this phrase in another miserable Iraq article, you know the ones everyone ignores? Anyways, because life is so full of billions of ignorants, and I am so intelligent and honest (I can say this cause its true and proveable unlike preachers who molest hookers and kids), I think the Iraq war has entered a star war like phase. These are not the crazy dirty backwards muslims you seek, young conservative christian order follower....

Quick, A Jew, A Muslim, A Baptist, A Catholic, A Protestant, and a Nuer tribes man walk into a bar. The Jew starts talking about his god, then the baptist and so on. Whose religion is right? NONE OF YOU FUCKING MORONS WITH YOUR PHONEY STORIES THAT ARE UNPROVEABLE AND ILLOGICAL. DENY THE FACTS TIL DEATH FUCKERS CAUSE THATS WHEN I TAKE OVER. YOU GOT SEVENTY YEARS OF MY LIFE. I GOT ETERNITY FOR VENGEANCE.

My bathroom is fucking wreck, my house is a fucking wreck, and my parents are coming over. I got no weed, I can't drunk, i got too much stress at work, whats the fucking point, I just am not happy anymore. Chuck's dead...

chucks dead...

chucks dead...

Life Nazis

2007-06-12T21:44:00.000Z

The next time some liberal political correct prick tells you not to let your kid sit on a swing, play with an army toy, use a toy gun, put barbie in her porsche...you call them a Life Nazis, and I hate Illinoise Life Nazis. Fuck political correctness, drink, fuck, and smoke, cause we are all going to die, you want to die a bore? You want to live to seventy? Its bullshit, you want to live for today, and when that is done, you want to live for tomorrow....

We Robot

2007-06-10T19:54:00.000Z

Watching the film Memento, reminded of that condition I had already known from the days when I studied Psychology in highschool and college. The loss of short term memory is not the cause, short term memory functions fine, it's the ability of the brain to process and store to long term memory that is destroyed. This renders the person in a constant state that one can not imagine.
What we sadly see is how robotic we truly are, just functioning machines. We are not magical spirits andlife is not pure thought, apparently. That lack of control and reliance on our bodies is revealing. If one is to believe there is a soul or something more to consciouness then we can only think of people in this condition as being in a coma.
What is interesting is that if you take away parts of the body you see we are only as good as our whole. Take off limbs, world is restricted but the mind is fine, however, leave just a head alive and a person may go mad from lack of being able to move to seek out new stimulus.
We have basic drives and these needs, the search for the satisfaction of urges, is actually what we call life.

Food-The main mover of anything a live. In order to function, one must consume to get engergy. Whether it is a plant growing to get more light, an elephant marching to find leaves, or a hip hop loving teenage violent ignorant thug of a person chomping on some fried chicken. We move to get energy to move more, its a viscious cycle.
Water-Same as food, just a different physical form. We need air to breath, food to eat, liquid to drink, we need the three states of matter. Interesting how much of life comes in three's. Three dimensions, three states of matter....
Shelter-Shelter for larger animals is a house, cave, somewhere safe. For microbes its finding the right conditions. Again, another reason we have to move. In the case of most violent criminals, the govt provides them with food and shelter. When they have met this, they now how the energy to not only produce more offspring, but run around and do as they like, no matter how illogical, because they can. To stop crime, cut these ones off immediately.
Mates-Sex. The drive to go out and fuck something or to basically sneeze into a hole in another persons body. In a way sperm are viruses...
Bonds-Bonds, no not fixed income, I am talking friends, family, that guy who nods when he hands you a free newspaper every evening after work. People need people, a person a lone is madness, its like if a tree falls in the forest does anyone hear it. For other animals its safety in numbers or the ability to have other needs met by living in group, like an ant colony.
Stimulus-Everything above you know about and it is obvious to the thinking person. Remember not all people think much, so this is obvious to a very small percent of the actual population of human beings. Anyways, Stimulus. Stimulus is the fact that our brains need shit going on, if your head was placed in a white room with no sound, you would be alive, but you would go crazy. In other words to be consciously aware, awake, systems switched on to receive things, and you receive nothing, you might as well be dead. Even without language then, where a mind can talk to itself, you would be dead, in other words, all white, all black, nothingness is death. We need stuff, we do not like being bed ridden, we do not like sleeping weeks straight, we get bored doing the same thing, etc.

The Senses:
Feeling- Feeling is very much tied to the needs for mating and bonds. You want to touch people, hug friends, kiss lovers, as well as determining what is going on in your enviornement. Is it too cold, too hot, pain, pleause, etc. Without all of the other senses, if you have feeling of something, you know you are alive. Again if just a human head is around with numbness, if you lack any other senses, you are basically dead.
Sight- Sight is one of those bonus senses. You could live without site, like my man Stevie. However, sight is that sense that is an essense of life, and we would expect no less in the afterlife.
Hearing-This is my favorite sense because music is wonderful. Sound is wonderful.
Taste and Smell-These are also bonus senses, but more important for other species, one could imagine smelling in color, but I do not have access to LSD here.

And where am I going with all of the basics. To show that we are not just one thing, we are two, three, binary, yin yang, equal opposite. To exist is to be many things, and these things are finely tuned to exist here. The real puzzle is how does such wonder, happiness, and complexity, create our consciouness yet at the same time such ignorance and disorder reigns supreme. One can only think that without good there can be no evil, but why is there so much ignorance and evil?
We will never know, but I still think things are ok, though there is always that fear and that knowledge that not everything is ok. Again though no matter how bad it gets, death, the ultimate release is around, so maybe things are ok.

So the man with no ability to create new memories, is not functioning because he misses some critical parts. It is sad, but thanks to death, he will be released and maybe reunited to a place where everything is stored and made whole...

Drinkin

2007-06-01T21:22:00.000Z

I been thinking about drinking and who would be some cool people to drink with. Hopefully I do not cover the standards.

1. Humphrey Bogart- A lot of people are big on John Wayne, I never got into him. He probably would be fun to drink with, but I don't know how (in Gary's words) REAL he would be? Now Bogey, he's real. The characters he played seemed to be an extension of himself, a laid back quiet man, who knew how to yell and fight with his women and knock a few back, like me. Yes, me and Bogey would have got a long just fine, and would love to share a bourbon with him.

2. Ringo- I dunno, I just want to have a drink with Ringo.

3. Ernest Borgnine- In 1975 I would have loved to have had a drink with Ernest Borgnine, the guy reeked of seventies and shit he must have been a blast at a bar.

4. Socrates- Long as he didn't try to put his hand on my dick, I could argue with the guy all night.

5. Jim Leyritz- This guy was my favorite fucking baseball player. He would twirl his bat after every pitch. The guy was a monster during the playoffs, used to slam out home runs that won fucking games. This scotch is for you.

Heaven

2007-06-01T20:48:00.000Z

Heaven is for idiots. First off, let us think of death. Freddie Mercury sang who Wants to Live Forever. He was right. You ever stop and think about the great things death does? Look at people, they are born blank slate, and still you get all sorts of ignorant, lazy, stupid slobs. You get assholes like nazis, liberals, and religious assholes. You get work a holic slicked back dick head business yupps. I mean can you imagine the world if people from the twelth century were still around? Not fun.

In fact, I think most people are filler. Look at China, name one personality in the crowd?

Death is purely around for motivation, its the kick in the ass to do stuff for the few who have a real life and a future. Death is also like a reset button, when you play a role playing game or an action game and your sucking big time, you sometimes gotta hit reset or you need to start over. That is also what death is, imagine if you could live forever and some nutcase like hitler sealed you in an iron box, that you might be stuck in forever?
So of course, you need a fucking reset button. In fact, I think life is a game. You start with binary conditions, ones zeroes, left right, yin yang, then you build in some rules. Two hydrogens and oxygen bond to form something useful, etc.
Now you start with very very simple rules and out of that grows amazing complexity, this has been demonstrated time and again now by modern mathmaticians.

Some of us are gods, others are filler in a program that has no point but to live, but live with a reset button, which brings me to heaven and hell. Heaven would be boring, at some point, you are gonna sick of it. Again, its a video game with the cheat code. I remember shrooming once by myself and I swear I went to some holding area, like outside of the game of life. And you know its always there and that a lone was comforting, a break for myself, otherwise, I gotta keep at this game, but its nice to know, it has an ending.

Because I really fucking hate most people....especially anyone islamic or pushy christian.

Also can I make myself clear. I fucking hate relgious people and unlike race, which to be purely predjudiced is wrong, i find that being totally predjudiced against religious people IS FUCKING RIGHT. That's correct, anyone who believes in a religion seriously enough, is a fucking dope.
Now i like my hinduism on the side, but that is purely for the philosophy, ask me if there is a god and i say possibly, in fact lately i am leaning to multiple gods. But ask me if I practice and lean on faith, well that is stupidity. What comes, comes, at least I know the rules of the game.

When death comes, whatever it is, can not be too bad, cause I had no complaints before being born.

Thy Hell is My Heaven

2007-05-31T22:58:00.000Z

And the religious people gathered in great masses. They had died and with souls ressurrected back to human flesh they came. They gathered in tears, and formed a mass of people in the open field. Sun shinning, grass beneath their feet, the believers waited for Jesus, Mohammed, and two people for Osiris.

The pain was not only intense but sudden. Men, women, children, filthy arabs, all fell. Onto their hands and knees the believers were hit with rational, physical, reality. The laws of physics were unkind as their colons and bile poured out of their mouths. Writhing in burning pain, the ingorant were left like this for thousands of years.
That is...

Until Chuck cameth down from his bar with the real rational gods. And told his friends, after a thousand years I pity the moronic apes I had to deal with in the existence called earth. And Chuck walketh down, and seeth the pain and stress of the ignorant believers, for belief means to lie to oneself and make misery of others.

Chuck looketh and them and said hear me you fucking assholes, I am gonna turn it up a notch and in the words of the great Spinal Tap. Chuck turned it up to eleven, because everyone elses amps only go up to ten.

Amen, fuck off religious morons every single one of you.

The Knight Draws Near

2007-05-20T22:53:00.001Z

inchucknito13: joker looks like the bastard child of bob geldof and pauly shore.

Gay People Are Not Paedophiles

2007-04-27T23:40:00.000Z

The conservative elements and religious elements in society have traditionally attacked gay men and women. A common argument that is often being proposed in more and more academic styles, and believe me it is an old argument, is that gay men are natural pedophiles and that most pedophilia between men and boys is caused by gay men.
The flaw in the argument is two fold. From the conservative view the harping of gays causing pedophilia is often neglecting lesbians. Why then do we hardly read about nuns or women raping or taking in young girls? In fact most articles today are about older women teachers going after fifteen year olds!
The problem is pedophilia is wrong, lesbian, gay or straight. But conservatives and reglious people try to confuse people by saying pedophilia is caused by gays, not lesbians or straights.

Interesting enough you never read in articles against gays that another sin in religion or conservative america is that a father should not screw his daughter and that the male soccer coach should not get a hummer from a 10 year old female player. It is never combined the focus is well we all know that gays of course love young boys and caused pedophilia. But they never and also older women like six year old girls, and there is a man down the road at fifty five who porks thirteen year old girls. No, they high light gays, in other words, gays are not just pedophiles, peophiles are lesbians, straight people, and trannies!

The religious argument is floored, because in the case of the catholic priest, the most very evil sin is being Gay and child raping, but somohow the priests manage to do just that! I will be damned, tis priests that are pedophiles, not gays, jewish politicians, or your mother!

PS
chuck is not gay, but he hates fucking relgion and conservative assholes!

Remniscing

2007-04-24T23:19:00.000Z

I am Chuck. Chuck is Derek. And Derek...he is ok.

OOH Jeff: glad i can help you out

inchucknito13: you make me hate myself and it pushes me on

inchucknito13: HAAAAAA

OOH Jeff: thats what friends are for

inchucknito13: i like my lemmy rant though

OOH Jeff: damn, i registered groan in july of 2002

inchucknito13: that was good.

inchucknito13: i like groan

inchucknito13: i liked the good times

inchucknito13: that hot summer when i got stoned

OOH Jeff: yah, reminders of good times

inchucknito13: and was on the grass

inchucknito13: i got a patch in the dresser.

inchucknito13: what the fuck

inchucknito13: made us put that down

inchucknito13: its like for Fruit Stands

inchucknito13: LOL

inchucknito13: in the summer!

inchucknito13: like sitting here, honestly what the fuck

inchucknito13: we were gods

OOH Jeff: yah that place was a kingdom

inchucknito13: shit

inchucknito13: the turtle wine

inchucknito13: i would kill for that back then

inchucknito13: why you kill that kid

inchucknito13: fuckin turtle wine,ok your free to go

inchucknito13: the chinese liquor store

inchucknito13: i was on so much pot, it was like a hallucination

inchucknito13: the guy quoted a different price and the smiling girl

inchucknito13: even the dog quoted a different price

inchucknito13: for those years i knew not the price of scotch, it prepared me for switching to the pound.

The Truth

2007-04-11T21:13:00.000Z

Ever have one of those days where you are sick of human beings, the lies, and crap they spew. The irrationality ever get to you? Time to vent with five FACTS. FIVE BITS O TRUTH.

1. Jesus and Mohammed were people, who politically rallied idiots, to overthrow their idiotic governements at the time, based on stories they spoke with god and yada yada. Enough, the evidence is heavily in the favor atheists, you are all in denial of the truth. I can prove my arguments against religion, the media, and everyone else tries to suppress it. But you can show someone a neanderthal mousterian tool kit, radio carbon date fossils, and see evolution with your own eyes, doing experiments on fruit flies. Jesus and Mohammed are LIARS, and DUMB PHONIES, with some of the worst philosophy ever fucking writeen. The morons that support them read one book, their own religious text, and are in denial about how stupid they are. Show me someone who believes in religion and I will show you a failed, lying, hypocritic, uneducated, fucking moron.

2. Rap sucks. HIP hop is shit, and unlike satanism, heavy metal, punk rock and gothic rock. HIP hop DOES HAVE A BAD INFLUENCE on kids, teens, and worst of all promotes more consumerism than classic rock ever did. Yet classic rock was stimatized, and put down, and destroyed, but hip hop has been around twenty years now, can not be performed live well, but still escapes all forms of criticism.

3. Most black teenagers are violent and ignorant. Sorry its a damn fact. I am not saying all blacks are bad, far from it, but from what I seen, I don't like groups of hip hop clothes wearing niggers. Sorry i do't fucking like your ignorant kind and believe me if the law allowed rational good people like me to carry guns, i would know which teenage thugs to shoot, unfortunately, statistically most of em would be black, sorry its just fucking true.

4. Torture works. You want to deter child crime in england? WHy let the innocent child get cancer or be born blind. Pull out some eyeballs on UTube to any teenager that bullies, happy slaps, or harms another individual, I gurantee the blindness makes them defenseless, but alive, teaches them to appreciate things, could be a cure for ignorance, and will make them contributing members of society, the live eye pulling on you tube, will teach a generation of children not to act like fucking animals, and i am sorry their parents will not care, and i work all day, but will gladly take the time to yank out some thirteen year olds eyeballs if it means me and my wife can safely walk to our home after a hard days work.

5. Finally, money can't buy happiness. And my rant on shooting was a bit illed time so I edited this post.

Shiva Praise Lemmy: Why England Needs Lemmy Now More Than Ever

2007-03-10T21:45:00.000Z

The thugs of today are younger than 18, sometimes as young as eight or ten. Mere children, fed a pop culture of Hip Hop, that is more damaging than anything fun satanism could have dreamt up; with Black Sabbath being a dark joke, compared to what that two bit nigger 50 cent inspires. Oops did I say Nigger? I forgot NYC banned it!
Funny, they ban the word nigger only when blacks started using it (remember it takes these liberal good doers ten fucking years to catch onto any trend). In one of the most racist things I have seen a liberal do in a while, this takes the cake.
Blacks were called nigger historically in what we know to be a derogatory way. Sometime in the eighties blacks, like most oppressed sub cultures, realized that to combat ignorant white trash fucking assholes (who by the way YOU LOST THE CIVIL WAR STOP HANGING THAT GODDAM FLAG OF FAILURE, NORTHERNERS WAVE YOUR BLUE FLAG YOU WON BABY), the black subculture adopted the word nigger as a positive thing. This was true rational genius. Unlike praying to god for slavery or for racism to go way, they did something realistic. They co opted the word as theirs and took the power away. Much like shaving off a red necks mullet, they left their racist oppressors immobile.
So New York City, land of the liberal decides, that to help the conservatives out, they will stop smart average blacks from using nigger. This was driven by educated, protected, white blacks, who shudder at jokes, just like white liberals. So they cower, and will give their enemies the very thing they have been missing, a tag word. A word that used to denote hatred and inferiorism, that was turned into a term of inside endearment, will now be reversed. The banning of nigger, will not work. But let us pretend it does, in a way, they are striking at music and pop culture. Black hip hop stars are phoney, and when their records do not get awards, or songs are banned, then they will sell out and stop saying nigger to make sure they get their bling. The word nigger will stop being used by blacks, so once again it can become a linguistic power tool to be used by whites.

Good job assholes at banning words. Fucking white niggers.

So how the hell does Lemmy fit into this shit?
God dammit England needs Lemmy now.
Eight YearOld Child terrors? http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2007110052,00.html
The law arresting citizens who stand up to them?
I am being intimidated and talked down to by suburban teens, cause the cops will arrest ME if I do anything!!!

Lemmy.

Wear the black, put on the swastika necklace, and kick the fucking shit out of them. Drink Jack Daniels, and smoke. Yah they are going to ban smoking in July, Lemmy Smoked, lots of people smoke, hell my wifes Uncle, smoked unfiltereds and is in his seventies. My grandmother died of alzheimers not lung disease. And everyone over sixty, you can't eat, can't smoke, can't drink, for what? To live to see twice removed baby monkeys you call children? Oh fuck off. You want to see babies, go to a maternity ward.
Hell these latin american or third world bores, that live to one hundred and fifty, they have so many goddamn great grandchildren at their age they probably call them all lopo or margaritta, who the fuck knows, are you my kid, I name you senor uno now me leave me a lone, I have to eat my bannannas.
Smoking is like all other bans, to take away your experience. Your government and liberals want you to be happy smiling bland, un individuals little numbers, that are kept in fear of the poor and ignorant, but kept working to support them. They want you to work all the time, give your money to ignorants, and smile as they rape and stab you. FUCK THEM and fuck religion while I am at it, except hindu philosophy, not the religion, but shit they got the philosopohy right. I swear if the Greeks had acid, this world would be an amazing place to live, but the hindus had some shit, but not the rationalism...

Back to Lemme.

Lemmy is ugly (in the press sense, media, consumerism sense), Lemmy is real. These phonies like Kate Moss and that untalented Junkie boyfriend of hers from the baby shambles, who has no musical talent. Bad as Iggy Pop was when he was a Junkie (two was was in a sentence equal WAS UP!!), the bastard could belt out a hit to keep the junk a flowin, this baby shambles hack couldn't make good music if you were dangling the crack in front of him for it.

I will not be terrorized by teens. I will break the law to defend myself. I will wear black to work. I will smoke dope and I will fucking drink Jack Daniels, and if I die, you can all see me in fucking hell with Lemmy. I will not listen to crap music, I will not like Hip Hop EVER, I will not fucking be afraid of defending my house, my wife, or anything against someone five years old. I hate conservatives, conferences, committees, people, culture, liberals, old grannies, and the rebel flag.

England where is your fucking balls?

God Dammit, England Needs Lemmy!

Death: Life creator, destroyer, and kicker in the asser

2007-02-27T21:26:00.000Z

I read today that a suicide bomb, in the near vicinity of a base in Afghanistan, was quite to close to a certain Mr. Bigglesworth Dickeyboy Cheneeroo. Alas, the bomb blew it, literally... and missed. One is reminded of that sense of disappointment, those in the know felt, when poor old Adolf was almost blown to bits giving a speech to moronic German southern white trash, better known as Nazis.
Except Dick, and I do mean, Fucking DICK, is supposed to be on our side! Oh well, just goes to show that evil never seems to die, or check that....those doing evil things in a manipulative way, not random violence like suicide bombers, but the guys who stir them up and the politicians that make war, dictators as well...never seem to die!

That brings me to....drum roll please......DEATH.

I have lately come to terms with said Death. It took past experiences on magic mushrooms basically to get me thinking of consciousness, how programmed we are through language, culture and everything you are fed as a child, that are very conceptions of things like planets and matter are stuck in your head. Just think, most of use see the world as that globe in cartoons, pictures from space, round map globes in the classroom, or styrofoam globes on sesame street. In truth, there is nothing but some air making an atmosphere, a hunk of rock, with some water on it, think of it physically as a meteroite with lakes.
On the evolutionary side, much is asked of why cells age and we seem programmed to die?

My first theory is that old age signals that this guy who is about to lay you, won't be able to support your offspring when his heart kicks the ticker, think Anna Nicole Smith. On the flip side, a guy who sees an old woman, and doesn't have one of those MILF fetishes, would realize that she is barren, no potential offspring. Better luck getting your belly button pregnant on a Thursday night with nothing to do.

My second theory is that in evolutionary terms it fosters diversity. If an animal succeeds and lives forever, well why should it procreate? Or it becomes so dominant it over procreates, limiting diversity. That means that it does not continue to develop new traits in an ever changing world or environment. This means that sure it could be successful and not age for a hundred, maybe thousand years. If it is lucky enough to avoid natural disaster or murder, well then something eventually may happen in its environment. Imagine a population that lives very long lives, based on the fact their bodies do not age. But say the climate changes, think Global Warming, without being interested in fostering offspring and being so successful, a rapid change could wipe them all out, not just a few individuals but the whole species!
Point being, a successful organism, without a self destruct method, could dominate, but only in a geological time sense, short term, and then it would be quite susceptible to wipe out. Also, it may not have a drive to produce more offspring, and thus more genetic mixing and matching. If it lives forever and was conscious, or have certain behavior, it could decide it has plenty of time to decide to mate. Evolution has made the sex drive, very mandatory, and short and sweet. In a world without Viagra, you had to get your rocks off, not wait a hundred years, to decide to finally get laid.
A modern day example would be some species of tortoise. Who live to ripe old ages, so ripe, that a few individuals outlast their damn populations and can not mate, of course at their slow speed, mating was always optional. They thought they had time, just ask one of those last of their species tortoises that live in some island, and have to stare at dirty liberal, rich kiss ass, ivory tower professors who cream their pants every time the thing looks like it might hump a species close enough to it, but that runs away from the old bugger.

How does that apply to me? Well I thought, death is obviously the kick in the ass for me to do shit. Without it, we all would procrastinate. Not buy that Moby Grape CD? Shit with my life, I might not be alive tomorrow! Best to buy that puppy now.
Also, who wants to live forever. I am bored now, I could not imagine how I would feel at eight hundred. There are only so many variations of food, sex, and things in this world. Think of a video game with the cheat code...BUT think of a mushroom trip and your mind is open to all sorts of things outside of this particular conscious, who needs a soul when its all in YOUR fucking head, not mine buddy!

We would be spiteful little gods if we lived forever, not cool calm vampires. And sorry Anne Rice, not GAY vampires, living forever, would not turn us into queers, quite the opposite, it would turn us into a bunch of stay at home, lazy, miserable masturbators.

Also, next time you worry about death, think if Ol Dicko Cheney was going to live forever, what a horrible existence it would be!

Non Violent Ranting Post...Chucks Cultural Expertise

2007-01-06T01:10:00.000Z

Top Ten Guitarists

1. Jimmy Page (Yard Birds, Led Zepp)
David Gilmour (Floyd)
Pete Townshend (the Who)
Mark Knopler (Dire Straits)
Eric Clapton (Yard Birds, Cream, Blind Faith playing with George Harrison and John Lennon, slow hand)
Jorma Kaukoenen (Jefferson Aiplane, Hot Tuna)
Syd Barrett (Psychedelic Master rest in peace man)
Neil Young (Solo, Grunge faithful, Buffalo SpringField, Crosby Stills Nash and Young)
Mick Ronson (David Bowie and Mott the Hoople, best solo ever on Elton Johns bonus track off tumble weed connection on Madmen Across The Water, I mean its the greatest ever and I have listened to thousands of hours of the greatest guitarists...)
Phil Manzaera (can not have just ten, Roxy Music)
Frank Zappa (wah wah master)
Keith Richards (chucka chucka underated)

Hendrix, league of his own
Dwayen Allman, the other angel in heaven
Johhny Cash, workin in hell, helping the souls, all the drugs he wants

Happy New Year 2007

2006-12-31T18:30:00.000Z

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16372950/

ahh the annual how to drink guide the media publishes every new years eve for non drinkers.

Chuck Tips from his Liver which died somewhere in Cortland

1. Yes eat before you drink, duh, you need something to puke up
2. Abstinence- Unless you inherited the daddy left my mommy after he stabbed her and drove his ford into a sheriffs car gene, after only have two beers, gene. Abstinence for non genetic alcoholics is pussy, sit at home and whack your self, for women, get in a bath with a brush as Dave Attel would say.

3. Never mix- More bullshit. I say, Mix Smartly if thou shalt mix. A true general will stick with one drink, easier when you reach 20. Before 20, mix with brains. The worst thing are shots, hands down. If you are going to a party to do shots, or a beer shot which I call the equivalent of funnels, then expect to have a great time, not remember it, and barf the next day. If you are avoiding a heavy hangover, can not stick to one drink, and know you might mix at a party then think of the following.

a) The beer before liquor rhyme is bullshit, trust me, i mix every night of the week. The trick is similar to shots, drink slow. If you want barfs, then consume beers, whiskey, jell-ow shots or gummy bears, and whiskey, all within two hours. Same effect as regular shots. Put it this way, three beers over two hours, you are fine, you can drink white Russians after that and be OK. Drink three beers in a half hour cause some girl in fish nets might have looked at you, your as fucked as doing a shot. Pace and you rule the party. Beer, whiskey, one shot, vodka, fine but space em out over an estimated party length of four hours. That means at midnight you get to a party, three beers, then a shot, and jack and coke all after in three hours, your fucked. The same amount...say two beers first hour. One Am you do a shot, then nurse a jack and coke til two thirty, eg. enjoy the buzz. You are ok. Two thirty you go for a beer, test how you feel. Still good at three am? Do anything, martini or a shot, last call. Now that will fuck you up til the end, by lights on, if you are still to sober, just at any point do a beer and you are drunk.

B) stick with the beer first. Some truth in doing a single whiskey, vodka or gin straight. Yah you start off two martini's and a shot, you are fucked but pure. Switch to beer after that, you are asking for a lot of piss and burps. Instead, hard as it is, start with beer. Now the before liquor poem, if you stay to Two beers to start off . Two beers are OK to warm you up then stay on liquor, no beer again. If you do more then two beers then switch to something else, expect the pisses, belching. If you do liquor first, and plow beers, i am sorry you are still getting wrecked, instead remember drink slow and see how the hard stuff is affecting you, then do the beer. For example, look at a fat ugly chick when you arrive. Always an ugly or taken but ugly chick. Stare, if she is drinking. Cause she will not remember. Now as you get drunk and feel a buzz, wander and to find her, when you do, is she prettier, if yes, go to beer.

3. Take Dick Cheney on Hunting trip, cept this time he is the hunt.

4.OK you are drunk, having a good time, you have your choice jello shot from goth girl, Budweiser, rolling rock, one vodka or two cats.
First take the jello shot from the girl if she is good looking.
Next take the rolling rock flush it down the toilet or throw it out the window. Only lame yuppies drink that piss and I would rather get high off toilet water wine.
Now take the Budweiser, see how you feel in forty minutes, time your watch or ugly girl, see point B, mingle.
Now get your head out of the goth girls tits and try the vodka, boom, you are done for the night let the vodka leave a shot taste in your mouth, will dry your taste in the mouth. Your passion is to try a sweet drink which in five hours tastes far worse than the shot after you do a shot. Do not be tempted after a shot to go after something sweet or comforting, unless it is your stable drink, say black label whiskey. No, take the shot, and iff you have probs get plain tonic or soda water (no coke too sweet).
OK, now take the two cats to Mikey and go Mikey two cats, whats with that?
And happy near year, hope my cats eye gets better, two cats but married, but Mikey still rules except if he has two turtles, then that is Uncalled for.

Happy Halloween

2006-10-21T22:16:00.000Z

This is my real life Halloween story, it happened today, and I ran (rant) it past Unk who thought it was strange too...
More I think about it, its very very weird, though I might have some rational theories at the end.

Saturday, October 21st: Between 5:30-7:00PM Its Dark and about to rain briefly.

Chuck is out front in his house putting up Halloween Decorations. Outside my front door I have a very small glass enclosed little porch thing. I should provide a picture, but it's really just a second glass door, with some cheap red outside carpeting. Its a perfect place for holiday decorations. You got glass, its right out front, and all your decorations are safely locked inside. Plus, at night I have a light outside, so you can switch that on to display anything.

Its a bit weird to decorate here as the English are not Americans, and they don't know why we bother to put up displays and things. Halloween is still only just beginning to take root in a city that is famous for its ghosts, murder, and macabre, oddly enough.

As I finished hanging my lame attempt at spider webbing, hanging skeletons, witches, and my cloaked demon, I began picking up the tape, scissors and scraps of things left over when one decorates the dark arts.
When I started the sun was setting and some clouds rolled in. As I was done decorating it was finally dark and in a minute or two a small rain shower would begin.

When I had picked up the last of the stuff off the floor, I brought it into the house and I needed to pick up soda and beer from the store up the road. I decided I would go back out and take one good look at the work I had done. As I opened my front door, the small glass enclosure was bathed in light, outside was black so I couldn't immediately see that someone was standing right outside my door.
However, I remember this very weird feeling of sort of knowing someone was there, but on the other hand quickly forgetting and not knowing. Either way, I saw someone there suddenly, and that person was a short, grey haired, very very old lady. And it was soo funny, I jumped back scared out of my fucking pants.
Well, here is this man in a Bauhaus shirt, hanging demons, skulls and spiders, scaring his wife all month with fake spiders, and I jump back scared shit from a little old lady. I felt I was in a comic strip. Then I felt really bad cause this woman obviously saw me jump and yah know her being old had something to do with it honestly.
Well I slid open the glass front door and apologized. She let out a laugh, it was unspoken about the decorations, how silly it was for me to be scared by her, meanwhile I got a demon of the night hanging above my head.
She asked if I had seen a cat roaming around. Now its dark and about to rain, what a weird question. She was dressed well, blue sort of rain coat, and yet it was weird. She seemed to have all the time in the day. I am very non social, but I said well I have not seen any cat. Now I come home late most nights, me and Tina are about to get two cats, I would then know of any cats out on the street, the neighborhood cats, I would think I would have seen them. The only cat I know is two or three doors down and they have a white and brown cat, that I have seen in my garden, as well as on the front road many a time, mainly at night.
Which is why I sort of continued to talk to this old woman, because I thought at first she was looking for a cat that got away from her. I said "well can you tell me what the cat looks like."
This is the haunting part, she couldn't describe the fucking cat!
Now here is this very old lady, knocking on a strangers door, about some cat that she can not describe. She stuttered a bit and put out her hands to say well its about this big (not necessary as cats are all about the same relative size, only Tina's fathers cat Felix is the biggest most dog like cat I ever seen, other wise your general street cat is cat sized). She then said "well its grey..."But did not seem confident about that. Grey? I seen tabby cats, black cats, mixed colors but grey?
Weird.
Now I felt uneasy and I thought ok she's senile, should I be calling the cops? What if she wandered out? She composed herself though and got back on track by sort of doing a typical old lady story, by saying "oh yah know cat is about so big...erm....Grey....And well yah know I feed this cat and its just something I do, keeps me happy and just a little thing...Well its ok if you have not seen it...I have not in a while oh well..."
With that she thanked me and said "I was a nice young man" and walked off. I sort of went in to tell Tina who I had been talking too, but I failed to watch her walk off to see if she was knocking on other doors or where she lived.

So now the theories:
Ghost? I doubt it, though its Halloween so this is my top choice.
Witch? She kind of foreshadowed that I was going to own two cats in a very Melville way, hmmm...
General Old Lady: Possibly the most rational theory. She was dressed well, was groomed, spoke fine English and seemed ok. I think she may actually live across the street, I know I saw a woman helping an old lady walk in one weekend, maybe that was her. Maybe she just saw the light on and thought she would ask... what the hell. The lingering proble is that I have never seen this stray?
The most sad theory is that maybe she is a bit senile and wandering and I can only hope she doesn't knock on the wrong door or end up lost. I don't think this was the case though cause she was dressed ok. But just a funny scary story at the same....
Too many coincidences:
1. Halloween decoration
2. Arrived JUST as I stepped out to over look them
3. Never seen this stray cat
4. Had a very very hard time describing the cat, though it should be easy to say the color, why finally say Grey?
5. What if I did see the stray cat, I guess she was just worried it left or got run over, but still why was she walking around in the dark before a rain storm? Maybe she thought I was out front most of the day and I was the only person around in the neighborhood just asking if I saw it...
Would like to hear what people think?

I would like to add, I hope that cat does come back and lets her feed it, at least one last time....

Halloween is Approaching

2006-10-10T21:41:00.000Z

Really read these lyrics, absolutely disturbing and unbecoming a good christian or muslim, cause well, they don't do dead bodies, they just take it up the pooper!
One thing I miss is Cold Ethyl and her skeleton kiss
We met last night making love by the refrigerator light
Ethyl Ethyl let me squeeze you in my arms
Ethyl Ethyl come and freeze me with your charms

One thing
No lie
Ethyl's frigid as an eskimo pie
She's cool in bed
Well she oughta be 'cuz Ethyl's dead

Ethyl Ethyl let me squeeze you in my arms
Ethyl Ethyl come and freeze me with your charms
Come on Cold Ethyl
Freeze me babe

One thing - it's true
Cold Ethyl I am stuck on you
And everything is my way
Ethyl don't have much to say

Ethyl Ethyl let me squeeze you in my arms
Ethyl Ethyl come and freeze me with your charms
Come here Cold Ethyl
What makes you so cold? Ooh so cold

Cold Ethyl
Cold Cold Ethyl
If I live 'til ninety-seven
You'll still be waiting in refrigerator heaven
'cuz you're cool
You're ice
Cold Ethyl
You're my paradise

Alice Cooper

This just in!

2006-10-10T20:58:00.000Z

The dust coming out of the sahara was the answer. We created wind turbines, machinery, and generated huge clouds of swirling dust. It was easy, the people were poor, governments corrupt and we paid them well, those individuals that owned land and counted that is. We built our fans, we created dust storms, and we prevented hurricanes. It was science and it worked…until something went wrong.

Hi and howdy doody, I poop a lot, call me azerbejann!

On Being Human

2006-10-01T21:02:00.000Z

First off, I plan to post soon some or all of what I wrote in my journal during Zurich. While it may not be interesting or significant, I do have a few points buried in there. Zurich was like Strawberry Fields for the Beatles. A lot of potential with a ton of disappointment. Zurich, that monotonous exile that I so blanked in my mind, it taught me nothing other than I am a tool to the world. Its done nothing, but bite me in the ass work wise, hurt my wife, and delayed a lot of my deserved relaxation time. In terms of keeping the journal, I had my heart in it and the fact I kept writing at times, shows how fucking bored I was. Meaning, when there was nothing to even write about, occasionally I would sit in star bucks or my hotel room and crank out a few lines.

Todays post is on some recent thoughts I had. I know that most of what I am talking about probably has a name in philosophy and has been thought of before. In all my years studing anthropology, psychology, working in business, and busting my ass off, I have thought what makes us human.
It's a classic question and at the heart of any person who thinks. I thought a lot about language, particularly the fact I am not fluent in any, besides English. Words, representations, are sounds and we constantly talk in our heads. This may be mistaken for consciousness, and when you think that the common ant, without thinking, can build an ant hill, you can conceive words are probably not so imporant. Thinking does not make us human, because without it, with the right genes, senses, and behavior we could build a city, without thought.
No. What I think makes us human is creativity. An ant, can build an ant hill, but it does not put gargoyles on the sides. Oh yes, gargoyles are primedieval ways of scaring off our psychological demons, but they at touch of creativity we have. Now, we all know people are creative and artististic and many a mind has said art is what makes us human.
This depends on your definitioin art, modern art plays with our perceptions, for those who take the time to look at it. Good modern art goes one step further and takes the mundane or catalogued and displays it to our focus. Yesterdays stones at a construction site, are tomorrows, focus point. What we walk by or pass and just glance it, we just say oh yah thats normal or ignore it, is if focused on interesting. However, my point is that art just focuses you on what is around, creativity in art is different.
Creativity is our ability to take all that we sense in real time and then think, more importantly, imagine. For example, you see two oranges and a tooth pick. On sheer behavior like an ant, we would charge and consume the orange. In modern art, the tooth pick would be aranged in a dry out orange. Focusing on the passing of time, the mundane objects, and maybe making a joke on death or time. In creativity though, you take that tooth pick, attach it between the two oranges, and make wheel on an axle, roll it forward, now imagine a wagon pulling your grain.
We as humans make one extra step, that is connecting what is around and imagining a nonexistent, potential future.
We imagine, we can conjure up words, images, past, and make an idea, a dream, of the future or what we want or just random combinations. Be these combinations sounds, sights, numbers, anything, we create!
Now take god. If all things are possible we have infinite creation, but some things are limited, colors sometimes, useful numbers, but you know if we make something that works with our physical universes set of constants and rules, we can conclude that there are limitations.
In other words, what if creativity was not unlimited to due physical rules, such as fire is hot and gravity...
If there is limited creativity then either a god created the rules, closing the infinite, creating the binary, and thus life and our false conciousness. If there is a god then, all things have already been created and if they may not exist physically the mere thought is drawn upon an unrealized creative bank. The fact there is not infinity, that there is binary or something, the natural laws, glue together the infinite. This binded material has to bind by rules or physical natural laws, and thus what is the infinite is no longer, it is confined to rules, to space, to time etc.
Thus this constriction limits the unelimited, creating a Finite set of properties or items. Once ideas are contricted to a space, the limited numbers, puts a set figure on what can be created.
Either humans pull from this box and for our purposes may be unique, what if others pull, what if though this box of ideas and limited creativity is god. What if the Hindus are right that the ininite beyond the box is a god itself but the all knowning thing that infinity is? However, none of this will answer the next important question, are we unique and therefore, death is either another consciousness or a hallucination? However, it could still be permanent infinite nothing where sleep must yield our clues...though our saviour in this future debate is life itself.

Pink Fairies, Music in this Generation, and why whiney liberal ethnomusicoligists should be forced to live in the projects

2006-07-21T23:08:00.000Z

Pink Fairies:
We have the drummer from Pretty Things, who played on several tracks of SF Sorrow, went on to play with Keith West and Steve Howe(of Yes) with Tomorrow. We have influences of Hawkwind and the roots of garage rock, punk, and Motorhead. A psychedelic power rock album that is all balls. Remember this was all released in 1971.

Do It: Which was a B Side on the single off the album, is a great song if your guilty about having that last beer.
War Girl: Subtle rock song, a classic.
Never Never Land: Song that grows on your like jock itch.
Teenage Rebel: Power song that sounds so much like Motorhead, you would think Lemmy was screaming the vocals.
Uncle Harry's last Freak Out: Ten minute psychedelic rock anthem that was pure 70's rock at its best.
The Snake: Power chord rifts that would define Punk.

Shame that all this music is lost in the past. All things are a product of their times and arguments can be made to forget old music. But the beauty of CD's and writing is that we preserve the material and why not listen to the best? We can consume classical, blues, jazz, rock, new wave, punk all from a vantage point of selecting the best.
This is all lost though, for commercialism plunges a head with the theory to buy new crap now and shit on the past.
What annoys me most is that Hip Hop lingers on. Its crap. Yet jazz, blues, 50's rock, classic country, psychedelic, etc. These artists were all quickly labeled has beens, sell outs, and torn apart, never given a second chance on radio.
However, hip hop is around now 20 years or more, it sold out immediately, they can't perform well live, and they sip champagne with elites no more than the Stones may have done in the later seventies. So why does it escape criticism?
I will say its because of the violent message in Hip Hop that attracts teenage angst, in an unhealthy outlet misused at the power of corporations and Madison Ave. That Hip Hop is not healthy political rebellion, but down and out consumerism. Its shielded by blacks, who are defended by the liberals, because they claim to sing about the struggles in the ghetto. This is not the blues, talking about real racism and hard ship, this is a description of violent fantasies, enjoying the crime, and hoping not to work hard or improve their environments, but to get rich, take the money for themselves, wear Tommy Hilfiger, fly in a helicopter, and sip champagne in a yacht. Its unintelligent and base, and what hip hop artist has given back to their neighbors or helped solve any of the problems they claim to be pointing out?
The elite liberals spurned classic rock in the eighties, as a way to rebel against their parent liberal professors who lived the protest classic rock movement. They attacked classic rock on the basis it stole from black blues players. These professors of the eighties were given the globalism movement in the eighties as further current evidence of this problem.
When groups like Talking Heads and Paul Simon went on to perform Brazilian, third world, or African music, they said it was further evidence of cultural stealing in a global power relationship.
They neglected that this propelled African and third world music into the consciousness of the world, giving it access to the radio and global media. Much like classic rock did for blues, it inspired a look into blues that was largely prevented from being played on radios, because of the racism against blacks. Without the Who or Stones covering early blues, it would not have brought as much attention to John Mayall or others.
Music is tradition, building, and borrowing, the racism was over played on elite campuses or at my alma almamada Hunter College.
To prove they are wrong I offer the following argument. In describing the Pink Fairies I can tell you that we see the roots of punk. I can tell you, that one song sounds just like motorhead, which occurs ten years ago. So why is Lemmy not evil for adopting a sound? Why did the Sex Pistols cover The Who in their early days? This is all what music is about, its not that anyone was picking on the blacks or stealing their guitar rifts. Quite frankly they loved the music and built on it.
Led Zeppelin for all its blues influenced rifts and covers, developed its own sound. Same as Pink Floyd and I can't say that all of it sounded like stealing. It was adopting sounds and pushing forward to something new. Often over looked is how closely Miles Davis sounded psychedelic on Bitches Brew, and I can't say he stole from Floyd or that Floyd stole from him. My point being that even new wave stole from Roxy Music, so this is white on white borrowing.
Its easy then to pick out examples where whites borrow from blacks and assume its a power relationship, in fact its a story, and a bad observation. Music is a good thing and it is not stealing for hits, its an artist hearing a sound and adopting it as his own. If that artist makes a hit, that's the nature of the business. If the Pink Fairies sold less albums than Motorhead or the Sex Pistols, its just nature of what people enjoyed. Maybe we often prefer the final extent of a sound where some people appreciate the roots more. The difference between enjoying a flowering rose bush as to learning to appreciate the thorns and greenness of the plant, then the anticipation as the buds appears, til we have the final product our flowers. Without the whole plant though, there is nothing but dirt.
Because they neglect all the evidence contrary to this, as white on white music borrowing occurs.
In Hip Hop, the blacks began to borrow rifts from classic rock behind their songs. The glaring difference was they simply did a bad cover of the rift, made no changes, or plain just played the song in the background. They never gave their own style to the sound, just sang over a catchy track. This to me is horrendous, yet you will not read anywhere in an elite journal that this is lousy outright stealing. Instead, they would argue its the blacks reversing the power struggle, I say because no style was added, this was actually commercialism at its worst.
In essence, at least maybe some hip hop kids may go out and try to find out where that led zeppelin track came from when heard in a hip hop song, however there is no blending or forward momentum of musical style.
The land scape in music today is a treacherous one. With radio completely eliminated over the years, even with satellite radio emerging, we can only witness the influence of the net. There is a lot of discussion now about the fact there is no shared cultural media.
We all do not sit down to watch the same TV shows, as cable offers variety. As TV shows move to DVD, as we work longer hours, as radio dies and satellite offers infinite choice, and the net offers random downloads to be carried on mp3 players, there will be no mass music movements. We are left with bland skater punk (Sorry unk you do know the good stuff though) and blaring metal (I know some of the good stuff on this) and branded hip hop or bubble gum Mariah Carey pop.
It will be packaged and sold but they may find it harder getting those big global hits.
The club scene will still dominate dance, gothic, and underground music, but this will splinter as well.
What the next musical movement will be is hard to say. I think the renaissance is over once people put down instruments, took meaning out of their lyrics, and allowed themselves to be commodities.
Teenagers in England have everything and have a serial killer aspect to them, that makes them bury themselves under hoodies, get wrecked, but then use that energy in mindless violence, that they transfer to their cell phones to perhaps, commodify and make it unreal. Even though the happy slapping may have hurt or killed someone, by transfering it to their cell phones, its a way of saying that did not really happen look its just a movie. The lines have blurred for a new generation of what is real or not. The world will catch up with them as they grow up, but what music or ideas have they left behind?
When life is as easy as George Jetson pushing buttons, there is no need to understand how a moog sythesizer works, how to play a drum beat, or pick up a violin or guitar.
We will be left with trading snippets of the past and merging them into new sounds, where the actual skill shall be lost.
As the new world order approaches, we will soon be restricted to bland beeps and bops, while Dick Cheney turns an entire generation into bullies losing fights.
Music is a wonderful thing, and classic rock artists borrowed from who they loved and changed it to new levels. There was no power struggle or racism, when we look at every musical genre having founding roots, whether is whites borrowing from white sounds, Americans borrowing English sounds, or Whites using Third World sounds, its all about the music man.

On War

2006-07-21T21:00:00.000Z

I always found myself, via reading history and being a political junkie, on the side of Israel. I thought the Palestinian crisis was always over played, and that the Arabs suffered from plain antisemitism that was often whipped up by corrupt regimes, world powers, and dictators to steal oil from the region.
I then read more and more about the way Palestinians lived and while their own leaders, Arafat, were equally corrupt, I often felt if they spent less time making bombs and building schools, they would have carved out a decent life and realized their country. The worst human vice is blame, and when entire generation blames all their problems on others, while not just handling their own business, then society falls apart.
However Israel has never helped that situation and its become a spiteful worn out beast over the years. When thinking of America after the Iraq war and Israel in this decade, I can not help but remember how in War and Peace, Napoleons army was described as a wounded animal that would bleed to death.
Under the watch of Bush, when the fool entered the hen house, the foxes and weasels got their chance to stir up the farm.
I always felt though, that the suicide bombing was awful and I could not back a Hamas political party taking over the situation. Of course none of these things are my problem and I don't live there and rely on third party news sources, however we all have to have an opinion on something when writing about reality. However, since my home country plays politics in the region I think I can still comment.
But despite all this I still felt Israel should hold its own, and eventually broker the peace deal.

This all changes with Lebanon.

The all out war is no different than suicide bombing. Same as Iraq. We claim to be helping or defending ourselves, yet we commit the same atrocities on the innocents. The criminals, war lords and crooks remain armed and protected. The bombs fall not on them, but on families, the sick, elderly, young, the poor.

It reminds me of the western criminal justice system. It makes victims of serial killers, and rapists protected at the expense of the people they hurt for no good reason. We spend money, time and hours, trying to get appeals for the obviously guilty. Yet justice is swift for the pot smoker or poor guy who is barely tied to a crime.
Its ironic that repeat offenders are let out easily, but we make a point on people who may be rehabitable.
In essence, institutions and governments cringe at attacking the truly guilty, because the leaders of all governments are the same as the criminals. They can not bring themselves to hurt their own reflections.
Until the mirrors of society are broken, the bombs will fall, the people will wail, and the only nation in the middle east on the brink of Democracy will be torn apart. Its incredible that through pure govt action, the Lebanese kicked out the Syria influenced party, yet still allowed them some political representation. Is this not Democracy?

Ironic that in Ireland and the Middle East, where god is most reverred, and the people attend their religions, they do not practice any teachings.

The mess is unbearable, but history is full of this. Great civilizations rise and fall, only it happens a lot faster these days.

Prelude To Six Weeks In Zurich

2006-07-18T21:37:00.000Z

Its hot in London. We are in the middle of a draught. Forget everything you think of or have heard about London, its fucking wrong. Its hot here, dry heat at least. Its been in the eighties to low nineties for the last three months, or its sure felt like it. Maybe 8 days of clouds and less of actual rain. When it did rain, it was a little bit or a short heavy shower.
Like living in some bizarre land, the grass is still green, flowers and english gardens still growing. How the fuck anything grows with this little rain make s me think I been on a mushroom trip for the last two years.
I hated New York City Summers, the smell but most of all the humidity. England is hot, but I will be damned if we only had two humid days. No, what makes this English summer unbearable is not the dry heat, which is comfortable at night.
What makes an English summer unliveable is the constant fucking sun. Not a cloud in the sky for weeks on end. Oh wonderful you say? No, you have to realize the sun is out and bright by 5am, few weeks it was close to fucking 4am. I mean it looks like 4pm at 5am here. And that fucking sun will not set, its 10:37pm here and you can still make out a squeek of blue on the horizon. Its like living under a fucking lamp.
Sun, sun sun.

Its time to head to Zurich. Sunday the flight is scheduled. There is a new war in the middle east, Bush cursed, Blair is trying to figure out why he is still prime minister, and the democrats while doing absolutely nothing are gaining momentum in the polls. Its like Al Gore's wet dream of antartica Melting over.

You gotta love the arabs though, one thousand years of losing fucking wars. The only people the muslims kicked around were the Hindus, and even that was a struggle.
I mean seriously, we have to look back at Saddam's friend on TV, yelling on and on that America was going to lose, and compare that to Hizbollywood.
I mean they are getting whipped and their so called arab sympathizers, Iran and Syria, got their thumbs up their covered in shit.

Terrorism, ohhh scarey. No. How bout fucking stupid. A crazy doctor with some plumbing knowledge took down a whole building, unto himself, over a divorce!
September 11th, horror was unleashed because we don't put a lock on the cabin door!
And all they can do is hit soft targets, workers, children like Mcveigh hit when he blew up his bomb, and women. Never the army. And they shout and yell their god this their god that.
I mean honestly, what god fights kids or people going to fucking work. Hell it broke up half of their day and maybe a few said thank fucking god I didn't have to sit in front of my computer today.
This death thing is great, I work a one hour shift shoving pork into the mouths of these ignorant stupid poor slobs who can't think rationally about reality and believe stories.

Just cause Pinnochio was swallowed by a whale, I don't sit around sticking candles up my ass trying to make a blow hole. And that is my theory on religion.

RUMANIA

2006-07-02T23:04:00.000Z

RUMANIA is a dream me and Jeff thought of, a long time ago, in the back of PASCAL class. Jeff still has the rum dollar somewhere. See, the rum dollar was crafted and hence the physical birth of RUMANIA was born. From a deep, semi religious experience, that can only equate with Beavis pondering the automatic toilets at the hoover damn, to a physical island with a real currency.
It would be a year later or more til I actually drank, first drink was a Heinken that was awkwardly purchased with Cousin Sean before attending a small gathering. I remember a lot of pieces of that night, we had taken the old D train over to Cortelyou Road. We were going to a house party and then Sean was going to take me to the clubs. An incredible night that actually is the definining moment of my life!
Chances are maybe I would have ended up at the clubs or not, but this is everything my life is today. That one fucking night, we went on the train and I remember we get off and there is O'leary up there, waving from the station...
We join up with him on the way to someone named Milton's apartment. I knew that some people from Lincoln would be there, than me and Sean were going to meet up with his friends at a gothic club called The Bank.
Before getting to the apartment I was asked if I wanted some booze and what did I want. Unlike now, over 10 years later, I had no clue about beer. I knew my dad drank Michelob, but I had not yet come to the realization of the Bud Forty, which is another story. I selected the Heinken, and little did I know, I would get to go to the Amsterdamn factory and it tasted just as shitty last year, as it did ten years ago. From that small gathering, where awkwardly, I felt awkward. I knew these people, but never socialized. So when I was there, I was ignored, but Sean talked with me, and off we went to the club, which is another very very long series of stories.

My point on RUMANIA is that I have a new law. Hells Angels, have nothing to do. They are a mass of people, in some ways in their own as Hunter S. said, fiver perecent way, they have to be Hells Angels. I think rather than letting the group be a force for complete anti-social violence, what if we accepted they are who they are, as I think Hunter S. pointed out. We should use them, and not continue to make them go way or ignore them.

In RUMANIA, I propose, we send them out to go after child molesters and rapists. Oh sure, the odd Hells Angel, may be a gang rapist, but there are more Hells Angels who will whip you for sleeping with their momma.

Let them loose, in an organized way. We identify a hit list of wanted rapists and molesters. Equip the Hells Angels with DNA technology. Look they know how to put a chopper together from spare parts, I think they could easily use a device that will be placed on someone, and informs them this is the right bastard. Let them catch look a likes, but if the DNA tester works, then its justice. Sure its a bit pricey, but we get the various chapters to hand these puppies out.
Hells Angels ride cross country, dabble with the underworld and know who is who down there.
They are mobile, connected, and can kick ass, especially in numbers. Their weapons are inexpensive yet efficient. Sure they have the odd gun or too, but put a real Hells Angel in there with a knife and chain, or a bar with a few bottles and chairs, and that man is dead. Let alone hand to hand with a crazed angel.
Let them ride out and keep a look out in sleazy motels, run down neighborhoods and dark bars. Let them find those bastards, then let them unleash, with no retribution by the state or govt. I mean....hunt em down....kill the fucks slowly and violently.
May it be one more thing a prick criminal has to think of is not punishment from the righteous, but punishment from the very depths of hell itself.
Ride on, because, I think they wouldn't mind this idea at all. I am asking to give these guys a legal outlet for getting wasted and bashing heads.

I say Hell Angels, we give you testing, we give you pictures, facts, lists of bastards. If you should cross one, and the test is positive, unleash....

Life happens to you, you do not happen to life

2006-07-02T00:20:00.000Z

Friday, out of nowhere. I am asked to go into my managers office. Also there is my team manager. I am really worried because I thought the ultimate manager who just came in was reading my emails, a long paranoid story... Instead something far worse happens.
They want to send me to fucking zurich for six weeks!!!!!!!!

Yah fucked up. Oh I know you yuppies are drooling. How lucky, here is a guy from brooklyn, working for a big corporation. Getting sent paid, to Zurich. How exciting. How not. I like video games, music, whiskey and pancakes, you know smoke a blintz...
Yah

So I will go into, tomorrow the whole zurich thing and why it sucks.

But lets focus on some news. Jerry Falwell turns 50 and Bob Marley died of cancer at 34 I think.

Only the good die young, bill hicks, hendrix, joplin, and yet....dictators and elites live for ever. If that is not proof of a smart god, who knows.

Evil

2006-06-22T22:10:00.000Z

Congress and Senate vote to give themselves a raise.
Senate fails to increase minimum wage again.
The republicans argue, they just practice market place economics, who needs top down govt.

I say, they are right. Yup. So next year, I want to privatize congress and the senate.
You heard me right folks.
Its been soooo great they are telling us for years, so lets shake things up and apply what they do to us, to them.

1. President is now CEO. No matter how much he fucks up, in fact, the more he fucks up, the more tax money we give him to keep the USA shares up in the global economy.
2. Senate is now the board of directors, they give the president his big raises and private jets. However, as the CEO fucks up, the share prices keep plummetting, even if we are doing great. Why? Everyone knows markets are irrational, and so maybe china and lets say a hot economy like ohhh I dunno maybe people gamble on rumors of France. Senate loses as much as the the budget deficit or value of america falls. The only way out is to sell their shares to some other sucker, who is stuck with them for four years.
3. Ahhh congress. You are too big, lets downsize save some money. That's right south carolina, idaho, and fucking Texas. We have had enough. Your being layed off. Another couple of states will be given retirement packages. Now the rest of you will work for private organisations. We will put some friends of ours in, to take your pay, and drive must of you to the ground with long hours, less benefits, and a pyramid scheme structure that pays the top least productful the most and the rest of you nothing. Then we take half of you, and fire you flat, cause we realized we could do most of the voting and pork barrel stuff from India, yup, we found a bunch of great cheaper politicians with college degrees in Mumbai. So Georgia, your new congressman is dipit bhagharva.

If its so great for us, lets give it to them. Amazing how raising congress and the senates salary never causes job losses, yet eats up tax money. Yet workers, we can not get paid fair, cause apparently paying us more, costs us jobs. Go figure. How bout they go fuck themselves.
And their gods. Thats right, If i said it once i say it again.
Jesus, Mohammed, Osiris, Thor, and Zeus, made up, bullshit, fucking stories, who can lick ass.
Lickity lick.

Pricks. I mean how can they give themselves a raise and not increase minimum wage, fucking bastards! Trust fund cunts. Uneducated southern slobs.

2006-06-19T21:36:00.000Z

Sadistic Cunts

I can not believe shit like this goes on. We let criminals, rapists, thieves live in nice cells, with tvs, gyms, and cigarettes. Yet we shock disabled children, with a lawyer saying psychologists have a bias against shock. If its so great, lets shock his kid, and his balls every time he lies.

Its amazing how people in a position of power know what is good for disabled kids when it involves pain. I thought since the seventies the world evolved a bit, but I guess not. May they all come back as rats in a giant skinner box.

So True

2006-06-18T00:28:00.000Z

"Beyond your tunnel vision. Reality fades like shadows into the night. To marter yourself to causation is not gonna help at all. Cause there will be no safety in numbers, when the right one walks out of the door. Can you see you days blighted by darkness? Is it true you beat your fists on the floor? Stuck in a world of isolation; While the ivy grows under the floor. So I open my door to my enemies. And I ask if they wipe the slate clean, but they please tell me to go fuck myself, (in roger waters voice) You know you just can't win." Pink Floyd

Terry Jones

2006-06-11T22:28:00.000Z

Quoted without permission but giving credit so i am not plagarizing from the Times Online:
"Ancient Rome has been a subject of serious public discussion this year. Boris Johnson, the Conservative MP and journalist, produced a book and television series drawing parallels between the European Union and the Roman empire. Terry Jones, the former Monty Python star, meanwhile, has spoken up for the barbarians’ technological and social achievements in a television series and has written...":

Every Time I see Terry Jones, I think of him naked playing the organ like in Python. I dunno with his teeth blacked out, hair wild, naked on an organ, his ass crack showing, makes you think the world is not a nihilist dreams or a fat, bald, man who still can not enjoy life and hates happiness... the passing of pleasure is as one with the passing of pain, and yes that does mean, that life is not that horrible. Oh we can say there is shittiness in death, just as there is in the birth of life, but the good parts are just as strongly good. Conan Doyle, once had Holmes, refelect on the beutuy and scent of a rose, and this is equally true. Some deny balance, but there is balance, i have had teeth pulled, miserable as it is, love is miserable a crush, a kiss, being rejected, but is this not the opposite of marriage, or drinking with friends.

The idea that the world needs to be blown up or that the have not suck, i was a have not who worked to find things he likes, and maybe the stuff the rich have is not anything to HAVE. that is the mistake of ranting depressives.
They always point out the rich and how they are fat, bald ugly, had nothing blahh blah, yet they turn into writers, get jobs, have songs they like, but then rant on the misery of it all.
ITs like hold the presses, either you make yourself happy or not, cause what the rich have, is phoney and shit anyways, that is the whole game.
And that is why there is pain, random death, and pleasures, its a wild game and mix. It will be horrible alright, but only shows you the good, in the end, its a guaranteed restart, death at its worst, will be nothing, as time before you were, born, but maybe we shouldnt fear it....

If i could see you all again and know it, that would be great...
I was thinking, one of the problems is I though heaven, is that all my friends and family are there. But what if someone I liked, was a sinner.
Then they may appear in heaven and not really be them, its just my Heaven, the real person could be suffering in hell.
Then I though, well how does th eperson here and now, how do I know, that person is real and not here cause some god or I thought them up. So yah, there is no reality folks.

The Great One

2006-06-11T20:51:00.000Z

I present the Great One.
A hatred for Vegans and Hypocrits.
He would also recommend the new David Gilmour album I bet, that crazy as a diamond floyd fan that he is.

Back In Black

2006-06-11T20:44:00.000Z

Or for those about to rock:

Back from the cruise pictures will be available soon.
Ann Coulter has been in the news, now Republicans nut cases are picking on the victims of sept 11th who just want to ask some questions, like why is money being taken away from protecting the city, why does the homeland security dept say New York City has no icons, and I do recall not seeing a single plane in the sky to defend us til I was over the 59th street bridge, hours later.
Nor did I see Jesus, but I guess Coulter doesn't understand the religion she defends, ironically she has more in common with the islamic fundamentalists.
Perhaps the most bitter Irony, is that the Bush administration and those whackos pat robertson and falwell(or however that fat hicks name is spelt), can not grasp their own religions. Yet here I am agnostic, knowing more about their religion, hmm how powerful. I may be able to envoke their own god against them! That's right Ann, jesus would really fucking hate the fact that you were bashing women who lost their husbands in a tragedy your administration failed to stop, then covered up its mistakes, yet you spit vile in their faces for asking questions, while you make millions off of books that are downright fairy tales, it almost makes the bible look true.
You filthy whore, you would be the only woman I would ever gladly slug, and you are damn right that makes me a great person!

I would never hit Arnold Schwarznegger though, cause he could probably still kick my ass. You have to choose your battles folks.

Ok Music.
Get the best of the New York Dolls, Listen to Vietnamese Baby, and Frankenstein. Listen to the rest and understand Punk started there, look at the date of the album.
Speaking of Punk, whenever you feel down about the republicans, throw on Johnn Rotten and the boys of the Sex Pistols, and crank up Bodies. Polly or Ann Coulter, I am not an animal....just a bloody fucking mess.

A Classic Post

2006-05-10T23:11:00.000Z

I am chatting and yapping about the new barber or bar bar the elephant. Anyways, yes a new haircutter. My whole life, its been a terrifying experience. I never felt old enough or macho enough to speak up. Never did the chit chat and always went a lone.
They Gay barber tommy, in his big gay al way, gave me the best cut and confidence, but he left, and many a year passed.
Now Humphrey Bogart, here was a guy, like James, who could go in for one cut, and make family.
In ninetenen fourty six, bogey knew who cut his hair, and ladies and gentlmen, in two thousand and six, DOC, Marty, Punch IT, no yes, two thousand and six, chuck has a hair cutter, around the corner, open late, and on the way home from the train. I torture him by keeping his shop open late, its a local place, and its funny i could go in on a saturday.
But he has all new york city posters every where, giant flat screen and min screen tvs, and it plays mtv2 all day.
Then when i am there, its turned off, bitch about rap, and this is the kicker.
Two people ahead of me, and when i come in you get offered a free beer.

That is england for ya.

So hair cuts are good, food is getting better, and I am off on a cruise.

As Ozzy said,

I will see ya. See yah on the other side.

So What Were Doing You Doing Last Night?

2006-04-29T23:52:00.000Z

I was listening to Joplin, who I ain't listend too in a Long Long Time.
And the New York Dolls, the six minute screech of the first new wave glame rock mix song, in 1973 has got me musically in touch with krishna, vishnu, and anything with eight arms, like my credit card in front of my wife at the mall. Oh hey, like Rodney Dangerfield would say, doctor vinny goommbatz, my back hurts. The dr, mr dangerfield, are you having sex. Dr. No way, you seen my my wife, but oh, i been playing golf, to ease the tension. Well mr dangerfield, if its not your wife, then your golf swing is out of whack. Dr. Goombatz, i gotta practice my fore iron and putt, you know of any nurses who like clubs?
Baaa doom Cha folks

Riddle

2006-04-23T22:26:00.001Z

To solve this internet chuck Riddle. You must listen to the song, then imagine each person I list playing each instrument you hear...

Cowgirl in the Rain, played by Crazy Horse

Lead Guitar and Vocal Neil Young
David Gilmour on back up
Ron Wood acoustic back up
Billy Preston on Keyboards
Drums Charlie Watts and Jai Johanny Johanson (of the allman brothers band)
Bass none other than Sir Paul Mccarthney (drag that bastard out to prove the prick can play bass)

All star back up singers
Ringo yah baby
Rod Stewart, he was not always a sell pop fug
and...

Carly Simon, who got da lips of jagger and the squint of a stretched up kenny rogers, plastic surgery gone oh rye!

Anne Couter

2006-04-23T10:57:00.000Z

Is it me or is Anne starting to look like a young Iggy Pop?
I would like to see the stupid ignorant bitch explain why there are dinosaurs, why there is physical evidence of man's existence and civilised progress over a million years, and why physics and geology support theories such as continental drift, dating of rocks and organic materials, and genetic or evolutionary fossilized evidence that takes up not one book, but hundreds of books filled with evidence; as oppossed to ideas just thought up that turn out to be wrong.
One can think that fire is not hot, but an experiment can prove that if you stuck Anne's hands in it, she would sure say its hot. Same with religion. You can pretend that some guy named jesus waltzed around or the old testament is totally true, or you can find evidence thats its loosely based on historical events. Look at September 11th, if not for video cameras and thousands of living witnesses, the conservatives would have rushed to paint a story. Hell that big fat faggot Jerry I am an ignorant piece of shit imorral fat fuck Falwell, blew it when he tried to pin the bombings on us unbelievers. You have to laugh that these people are two books away from writing that the holocaust never happened. They paint stories like their lying religions and ask people to follow it blindly. Sorry I question and I want to know Mr Farrell where did jesus say eat and be fat and ignorant, cause that seems to be the ritual your practicing.
Anyways, these people hate the truth, and want the masses to live in a world of lives so they can feel good about themselves, have power, and take advantage and play out all the things they preach against. I am not fooled. Besides you can't argue with people who are not smart enough to understand complex ideas that are formed through logical arguments that can not be explained in one word sentences.
Its funny how they love to attack biology, but yet none of them will ever attack the formulaic solution to a logarithm problem.
For complex algebra there are people and computers, if given a formula with a known right answer, who will approach a mathematical question and solve it. We know there are steps and one one solution. Or take physics. Let's say you wanted to calculate how much energy or horsepower was required to start a certain car. We know there are engineers who can work this out given any specific question. Could I do it off my head...no. But with the proper study you can learn to solve these problems. With your answer you can then test it in the field, hence how the automobile was developed. Yet no conservative or religious person will contradict anything like this, yet they do this with biology, but that is only because the public is too uneducated to know all about chemistry and biological concepts.
There is so much real knowledge and things out there, in detail such as chemistry etc. that people do not know. Yet everyone seems able to comment on god or how the world works or history yet they can't even grasp things we know that are proveable, yet none of this comes up in public discussion.
Ignorant people read books written by ignorant fools. I hope she gets an uncruable form of reccurrent yeast infection and if there is an afterlife, it won't be her silly god, but anyways, my smart god is making sure she turns into an ugly iggy pop. Which makes Iggy look bad, but he's got a lust for real lust for life at least.

Yoko Hurt My Back

2006-04-22T23:49:00.000Z

As many of you, unfortunately know, I been seeing Russel my big red headed physio therapist. Ahem its horrendous. I feel old, this is not something a guy gets done, that shows you how much pain I was in. Well the therapy has worked, and then came Yoko.
I know the beatles, but never owned. I used my fathers collection growing up. I had Jeffs servers for two years, and then, I had to build my own.
So I am listening to the white album, the sheer beauty of what is to be the great seventies classic blues guitar rock, while my guitar gently weeps, leads into the story of bungalow bill. Ahh a brilliant Lennon song, not good enough against gently weeps, then of all things Yoko sings. She sings. Oh like a cat being stepped on, or my neighbor stomped by godzilla, deary me.
She distracts.
And I think Harvey Bird Man.
I go down to my dvd case of notrious things, and there is mr birdman...
and ouch goes my back. Fucking Yoko.

Yoko Hurt My Back

A fuckyouhaikou by Chuck

Thick as Brick

2006-04-06T23:22:00.000Z

Tull dances over my ears as I board the train. My thirty minute train ride into london is quiet, trains are only full of workers, seats are cushoioned though uncomfortable. Train can smell too, especially the cars with the bathroom but it fades as you sit there.
I often stare out at the same scenery each and every day. Memorizing every little house, every detail, following the ravensbourne creek as it swirls near the tracks.
I look out for birds, spotting sparrows, robins, and wood pigeons.
There is a casio keyboard, stuck in this over grown grass hill at a stop prior to new cross gate.
There is a rusting paint can under the platform at clock house.
There are gardens, football pitches, rugby goal posts, and five a side hard courts a long the way.
It doesn't change much, some mornings its raining, others its over cast, and a few times you have the sun flashing its morning brilliance out.
Of course I often ride it at night in the winter, and I look out for the lights of my home to see if Tina arrived earlier than me.
I've spent most of the last few months thinking.
And thinking.
And now that I am married, house is done, and my job keeps me occupied the time seems to zoom. Hours are minutes, minutes are seconds.
I can't really find my purpose anymore or goals or interests.
I plod on with my music and the occasional video game.
I need to maybe find the energy to begin learning that taunting guitar.
If this is it in life, despite the constant threat of death or horrible outcomes due to idiots, then I can't help but think life is some game. The more I live the less I feel a god or purpose as much as I know that death is not the end....not at all. Its all in the mind really...we just have to think of it.

What is the craziest thing?

2006-04-05T22:06:00.000Z

What is the craziest thing I have ever done. This is a blog so its time to get personal and honest.
This will sound lame, but its honestly all I can think of, but sometimes...you get that dumb email. That thing you know is silly but you think about it anyways and you can never on the spot come up with that thing. Well this is one of those questions cept I thought of the answer and then thought the question.
On one of my many blured trips to the gothic club called The Bank, on friday nights in manhattan during the late nineties, I went with my usual friends of the time. Unk, got quite drunk. The details are lost, but he was barfing int he mens bathroom. My friends wanted to have a good time, ignored him, i spent the whole night watching him.
We leave the bank, I remember people walking out but it was early, and they were a bit upset, said he would be fine to leave him. Then I said I will take him home, they said, whatever, and took off in a cab to another club. It was just me and drunk unk.
We got on the train, I think he was sick all the way, out of it.
We got out and some where back outside the club I said I will drive him.
Now. I dont know if i was drinking that night, probably was stopped and was not drinking for three hours, plus i know i drank less or went on water i was sober, but still buzzed at the time of the decision sober when i got back.
But i have little to none driving experience, passed a road test at sixteen.
So in i go.
Driving the unkin nut.
Now this is one of those things you dream about, a very very real nightmare. An odd feeling of not knowing how to drive, yet driving unk in the unkin one.
Yah so there I am. Driving this shit. I think now, what the FUCK was I doing.
Take a car, or walk. How broke was I, not to get car service.
OK.
So me and Unk, driving. Unk knocked out.
He lived off an odd road in south east Brooklyn. Near Gerrittsen. I knew the area quite well, but lived there only a few years.
Its all Angles, and I missed his avenue, went past, but south.
See north, if you travel, takes you onto a straight route near the mall I know great.
But if you are south, it veers you south to this small little community, well i stayed on the main road and it dead ends at a beach. i knew i was lost, awoke unk.
And he was not much help.
Made a u turn and went back.
By magic, found his road.
Now i remember being fucked on how to park.
But damn near i got a spot by his house.
Walked him to his basement home, sent him.
Walked back fifteen minutes in the cold drizzle, dressed in my hoody, cold in goth make up and chains rattling. Stomped my way home.
A true creature of the night.

I believe in a Thing Called Love

2006-02-14T23:39:00.000Z

I oft remember times when my parents spoke of their cheap trix concert. I remember my black and white cheap tricks shirt my mom wore. When I saw the Darkness I had no idea they were my generations Van Halen, and it is a good thing. I think that it was the first time I went a concert and I was with the prettiest girl there, and married to her, with no kids. And that rocked.

I belive in a thing called love.

Imagine No Heaven and No Religion Too

2006-02-09T20:26:00.000Z

Why do they burn flags over cartoons? Why do they protest violently? What upsets them? And most of all why is religion often tied to terrorism? More interestingly, why is suicide used as a weapon for religious causes? And what's the big deal about pork?

Most religions are not used for their philosophies and most individuals (who follow religion) are not intelligent enough (and plain old mentally lazy) to grasp the concepts of the philosophy of a religion. This is too deep and complicated for the masses and we can not expect the descendants of animals to think so highly. The truth is that there are a large number of uneducated, unintelligent people on this planet, probably larger than what scientists and politicians will tell you (and politicians are proven ignorant grunting human failures in terms of intelligence). Nobody wants to say that a lot of the reason human existence is miserable is because the knowledge accrued over the years of human civilization are passed down through writing and ideas, but that nobody processes or understands these ideas on a worldwide basis. Most of these ideas never make it into the minds of most humans, they are taught just the skills to survive in their culture.
For example, lets imagine that the world is wiped out and miraculously a few humans survive and slowly re-populate the earth. Thousands of years later they stumble on the New York Public library with most its works intact. The humans that could decipher these old works would have access to ideas, thoughts, memories and most of all experience on how the world works, allowing them to rapidly make inventions and change the world. Of course, they may find out the properties of fire, lets say, on their own, but at a much slower pace. Most humans on this planet, have not found the New York Public Library yet. Though I must mention that not everything you read is right either. Such as prior scientific hypotheses proved incorrect over time, like spontaneous recoumbustion or Oprah Winfrey's book list.
Ideas and experience do not serve our various institutions, its easier to keep the masses dumb and a few of us partially enlightened or shall I say rationally educated. That is why religious texts are not written deeply, often they use symbolism and basic stories to make simple points, obscuring the higher ideas for the more serious minds. It is this basic imagery and attempt to capture or appeal to the masses that makes religion the Britney Spears or Robbie Williams of life. They take away craft and knowledge and turn into silly little clowns that get moral points across.
So read the old testament and you have your imagery of fires, floods, locusts, the devil, arks, wars, love, death, etc. Read Thomas Aquinas and he's like a good early Floyd album, tight mind- opening stuff, but not played much on the Christian reading stations....
But let us delve into organized religion and trace it to suicidal bombings and demystify what Time, NY Times, and your local channel four reporter just can't understand. And No, Irma with the big fat saggy tits, white sweat shirt, American flag pins, this blog is not for you.

Religions first step is to restrict your mind. They want you to read only one book and one book only. In the modern global economy of political correctedness religious institutions will let you peak at other books, but tell you anything you see, hear or read, that's not from your religious text or preacher is bullshit anyways (this is for the poor bastard that accidentally picks up Darwin's Origin of Species at the dental office while waiting for a root canal). Even religions with multiple books can be restrictive as you only read these particular multiple books. Their books are supposed to tell you how to live, what to do, explain where you come from and where you are going. Why even live, if its all right there for you? (Hint hint: this is a subtle reason for suicide, as the religion has provided you with a reason to being born and a reason and time as to when you die, what's the ultimate sacrifice for god but murder, and if god has a wonderful heaven, why not murder as many as possible and then take yourself to collect your dues.)
Once they have got your mind closed to other ideas then the next step is to stop you thinking for yourself. Of course religions often have served a cultural purpose of establishing a societies rules and customs. Yes, religion is big on love and family in general, but they always stress that it is your personal soul. They identify the individual and the individuals' relationship with god and/or gods. It's also the individual who sins and the individual who redeems in many western religions. The family and love is often just another thing you do to avoid hell, e.g. god said have eight kids. This does not make you a good father, but a redneck with eight starving kids and two orphaned pick up trucks on your lawn, with a pile of food stamps and a meth lab in the kitchen.
With any organized unit, besides the text, and the individuals relationship with god, you have to have a leader. You need someone to keep the group cohesive, run the show, and help the idiot interpret or get the points of these books. The bible and Koran spiritually are books you should take home and help you form your relationship with a god, however, the books leave plenty of room for organizing. As I mentioned earlier, the text itself is hierarchical, simple ideas and metaphors masking more complex ideas. Low to the high is imbedded in any religion, and hence builds right into its structure. Whether it be a witch doctor, king, or pope, you have the top and the bottom.
Relgion with its focus on the individual, does make sure that the individual is not totally out there with god on their own. The religious person is not just with their own followers, but is out there converting others and making it a group thing. This is not god's work, but years and years of biological evolution. Humans beings are social animals, and we can't just draw pentagrams in our rooms while listening to Morrissey, that's for a Goth and another blog. No, humans have to share and be in groups, but groups would be disorganized and random, without purpose, unless they were hierarchal and set up. This requires leaders, and levels, hence your evangelist or priest. You join the group, you get told what to do, or you move up in the ranks to tell others what to do. The absense of self is what sociologists observe in groups, or as Durkheim looked at, not feeling a part of something makes you outside of it, hence suicide crying for help.
You are to think with others and most of all you can not understand these books, so you have a leader or preacher to tell you what's in them. This person will pick out things randomly from the book and sort of remind you, through repetition, sometimes involving ritual or singing, to help you memorize and only think of this book. Finally, the leader or priest or Inman will simply tell you what to do, like the leader of a cult. It is the very power of leaders that is the second dangerous cause of suicide bombings. Have your laws laid out in the text, shape the individual, have the individual join a group, present hierarchy, tell them what to do within all this frame work and claim this all stems from god, having ridden the persons mind of any clear thoughts, through ritual repetition and limiting other views or texts.

Governments have been sending kids off to fight for their problems for years. Religions are no different, people with agendas get into power situations and instead of waving a flag of nationalism for a president or ideal, they wave a holy text and say god wants you to kill. Of course the Osama Bin Laden's of the world never quite go out and pop themselves, they get others to do it.
Its often at random these rules and most people never quite follow the whole book, I often think secretly most religious people have neither the intelligence nor patience to read an entire book all the way through and understand it, let alone simple ones like the bible and Koran. Of course the philosophy of a religion is there and could be quite complex, like the trilogy of god in modern Catholicism, but for most they skim that part and go right to the anti-gay stuff.
Once you have your mind closed, have someone to tell you what to do, and start group thinking, you are now ready to lose your individuality. Most religions help this along by telling you how to dress and how to look, either shave your head, grow beards, bundle up in clothes, this way you can look a like relatively speaking, just enough to feel you are one with the team and lose your sense of self.
The next step is critical, this is where they get you to hate the world, hate pleasure, and hate people who are obviously not in the group. I want to look at these three points individually because it is here where you will see why terrorism exists. I will do this in Part II.

You're Still The Same

2006-01-09T22:44:00.000Z

The black label whiskey is warm and sitting in a small Heineken glass.
The incense purs out a smell I can not focus on.
Bog seger falls crystal clear out of my computer speakers, its tinny and crisp.
Outside its damp and cool, inside its hot and dry as the heating has been on all day.
I sat here all day.

We all get into our moods, I guess.
I have a harder and harder time figuring out how I got here.
Its all very clear the paths and steps. Always difficult to see what caused what though.
Like writing, each day is a blank page and we just fill it with a story.

I really pushed myself these last few years. And I am feeling horribly burnt out my friends. Horribly.
It should be that I have everything, things are groovy, but I feel I dunno.

Oh mentally I can get up and do what I have too and hey the future is so bright yah know I need shades, as the ole eighties song goes.
No.

Its feeling ahh. Yes that irrational hunk of humanity that makes me rant and whine right at this moment. I am at once devoid of emotional feelings that I somehow lost and at one with this sense of blandness that makes time fly. A week is a day. A day is an Hour. An hour is a minute to me.
It keeps flying by.

Will I die in a car accident. WIll I grow old, see kids live and not fulfill dreams.
See bombings or will my train crash.
Will I go on nice holidays or get sick or ill and watch friends and family struggle and die.

Will I get old, lose myself, become some whack job.
Bumbling obsessed out of it old man. Watching his life that he built up fall apart, rust slowly.
Will I die a lone.
Will I leave someone behind.

Whats at the end. I mean do you want to see death coming or is it better that WHAM, you go.

I tripped once. And things seemed unreal. All that was real was not.

I think sometimes that I feel utterly trapped now. I am married, I have my job. Its all just flying by now, like some coaster to the end.
I will not be a rock star, a musician.
I will not be a writer.
I will not be anything really.

You just sit around now, waiting for some crap to happen. Nothing good anymore. That sense of surprise or achivement is gone.

You just kind of struggle now to keep things clean, stop the corrosion, hold on to friends and family.

But you can not win this battle. I lost. And I wait.

Ehhh My Reality

2005-12-28T19:34:00.000Z

It seems to me that Cousin Sean might just be right. The reality we all hold dear to us might be more fragile, then most of us realize. Take a look at the following NYTimes Article. While nothing in the article is amazingly new, except the experiment, the concepts still give one something to ponder.
I been reading Hindu philosophy, as the ole battle axe is Indian. I just finished Plato and what I find interesting about Hindu philosophy is that as you get past the multiple gods you start to appreciate this well thought out philosophy on purpose, life and existence. I just never obtained anything deeper from the New or Old Testament. At least Hinduism is grounded in something thought out, and uncontrolling. As it also keeps many of its items in other realms and opens the mind, I find that the New and Old Testament fail in that these books try to mix god up with too many suppossedly real historical events. Of course Indian Hindu philosophy has its share of actual history, you find that the majority of the mythology is occurring in worlds beyond or on the border of this one. This allows the thought experiements to wander and grow to fuller more thought out ideas.
The Old and New Testament are constantly grounding themselves in tribal history of actual events. When one studies the historicaly evidence, we tend to see that these events were often described one sided. This puts much of the historical data into question and must lead us to question the actual religious arguments. The politics of the Old and New Testament are deep, its a controlling viscious text based on human suffering, waste, ignorance and unworthiness. Its so old and dare I say stupid, that even most of its followers only pluck out a few lines, most have not the education or patience to read the books or practice every single rule, they pick, choose, break their own morals, then beg oh please forgive me.
Forgive? If you all hate evolution and science, then when your lovely god entrusts your body with painful cancer, let you stay alive to the end and not be admitted to the hospital, you should live in the cold street and rot, til your lil angel comes down and saves you, fuck heads.
Once archaeology and history progressed to look back at the material evidence left, we begin to see the old testament just does not hold up to the logical physical evidence. This puts serious gaps into the believability of any philosophical underpinnings of the major western religion. In other words, the old and new testament suck, unless you compare them to pinnochio and even the brothers Grimm, who wrote better moral stories.
So where does this leave us? As we celebrate christmas, I don't think we should remove the christ at all, let others believe what they want. As long as they don't apply zany shit to the world and impose their restrictions on others. If you are going to impose ten commandments, which most of you break, then beg for forgiveness, just remember how often the poor waste gods gift with their own bad choices and ignorance. Shakespeare is Shakespeare whereever you read it, and ignoring the works of Shakespeare or banning anything you do not agree with, closes your mind and restricts to two books. Those two books, the old and new are wrong historically, logically, morally, and philosophically, yet this what you choose to follow til you have ruined as many peoples lives around you, as you have ruined your own.
Jesus built my hot rod, doo doo dang, but its New Years Eve that often makes me ponder things more. I look at christmas now for my family, friends, food, gifts, and time off. I don't give a shit about some ponce born in a barn. He did make some good, if unoriginal nice points, and if his own so called followers followed him, then Dick Cheney would not only be thin and lower middle class, but he wouldn't send young men and women off to war, while his corrupt old company fucks us and them over. Not to mention he is a draft dodging, unamerican constitutional breaking fat bastard, who allows the cia and fbi to spy on americans while destroying the ideas the founding fathers set up.
Beware fat, bald men bearing lesbian daughters, for he would have not sent three wisemen, but would have outsourced it to Halliburton. Halliburton would have taken the myrh, gold, and incense and dispersedit amongst themselves to boost profit in the last quarter of the year. They would have then sent out not three, but down sized and outsourced to India, two hungry gurus. One of these gurus was a friend of Cheney's old college buddies. This would have been a guru by birth, representing the one problem with Hinduism, the way the political elite of the day used birth rites to predetermines peoples lives on earth, a terrible system. This born to be guru, largely untrained, would be put in charge of the mission to find the baby king. Being an old friend, he brought no qualifications to the job other than the fact he was a slimey dick of a person, in a blazer.
He would have led the other guru to the wrong star, where they would have presented some US treasury bills and a credit card to the young swadling baby of a rich elite, who was plotting to over throw the king to put in a cushy senate type republic. The new Senate would have increased the spice flow back to Europe and put in a place a theocracy based on money, status, birth, and sin coupled with lies and self misery. Let each man be controlled, bought off, and put on a bland phoney persona, may he consume only what commercials and the masses expect. May he consume quietly and a lone, without disturbing thy neighbor and only when not working. Working is expected at all times and all year, except at christmas so that he may buy to increase end of the year profits. Let this man say woah unto thee and let his teenagers run wild, whilst committing morally wrong things as pill addictions, prostitution, wife beating, alcoholism, and rampan dwarfism at home. A merry christmas indeed.

2005-10-23T22:05:00.000Z

Chuck A Palooza 2004

Castles Made of Sand

2005-10-23T21:48:00.000Z

It is Sunday October 23rd. An Operation looms for an interesting individual. One hopes it goes ok.
Thoughts of life and death blend through the brain. The sadness and heaviness of life hits its toll and for a brief moment I understand why we are all mad and god does not realize how cruel...

Contradictions tsk tsk...

2005-10-09T17:34:00.000Z

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/09102005/344/david-cameron-quizzed-drug-use.html

David Cameron, a young Torrie (Deary me what a rebellious idea) has given the ultimate political contradictions on drugs. First off, why do we need 90 year olds in charge of govt anyways, shouldn't it represent a cross section of different ages. Anyways that is another topic. See quote below from link above:

"I did lots of things before I come into politics which I shouldn't have done. We all did," said Mr Cameron. "I didn't spend my early years thinking I mustn't do certain things because I might become a politician. I didn't know I was going to be a politician."

Is it that hard to say I smoked pot? I would vote for a politican that came out and said hey one night I drank too many pints and I barfed on myself. One time I couldn't find a toilet and I took a piss in public. I once went to a party and smoked some weed it was great. Hey one time we did shrooms and I totally got in touch with my inner thoughts, maybe this is all an illusion. I would further like to add that I've had numerous hummers and even did it on all fours once. Hey, I am a normal guy vote for me.
But you won't get that.
Europe and America have still not recovered from the lunacy of victorian times and the control of religious denial.

And the greatest bit of irony is that he says that he did not do those because he did not know he was a politician. How can you sit around though and pass laws and make others lives miserable for stuff you are practically admitting you did yourself.
I mean hey, I didn't know I was going to be a citizen and actually respect govt, believe politicans and have any blind faith whatsoever?

Oh Such a Perfect Day

2005-10-09T00:00:00.000Z

Woah its October and I have not written anything in the blog. Once again a self indulgent post. Its been some tough times, but I finally reached relaxation mode. The house, for the most part, is done.
Today was the first hectic but good day i've had in a long time.

Woke up slightly hungover from the previous nights festivities. Great restaurant, roast duck with berry sauce and fine red wine.

I realized that my RAM card arrived and I woke up groggy, but determined to pick it up. I got up at after 11am and I had to get to the delivery depot by 12:30. I got dressed, in desperate need of a haircut, and Tina drove. We didn't know where it was exactly, near our local Tescos in an industrial area. We missed the turnoff as usual, but calmly went back and found it.

I got there with plenty of time and picked up my package.

Next it was off for Tina to get her eye brows waxed. HA! When she was done, her brows were numb with pain and permanently in a look of shock and awe HA! She will read this post and hit me. But quite worth it.

Then we went back to the house, I had stuff to return to those over priced bastards at homebase.
We returned the paint and curtain rod and picked up a new door mat, little paw prints, and some light bulbs.

Then we drove to my usual barber in the ghetto. He was packed with some family or I dunno what, like half of turkey, so we were going to go to a more local place.

However, we stopped off to pick up my new tv for the study.

I wanted a 20 inch round flat screen type of projection tv, but it looked heavy and the box was probably too heavy for me to get in the car!

But Tina talked me into an LCD screen, which I picked up and so I got that with three years coverage. Sah Weet, can't wait to play mario and the new zelda!

So then we went to this new place to get my hair cut, guy did a good job and we talked of london and brooklyn.

Then tina threw a fit, we tried two barbars for her, but they were all booked. I told her to try beckenham high street. So we went there and sure enough this place took her. Now here is the great part.

We argued a bit about her throwing a fit over driving me every where, but she could not find a barber, this was before we went to the highstreet place. So I was quite stressed and did not feel like sitting watching her get her hair cut. Then I realized I am no longer in America. I am in England!

I went to the pub.

There I was at Ye Olde George Inn. An old ass pub as they all are, with a low ceiling. David Bowie grew up in Beckenham, and here I was trying to choose an Ale. When I spot Bass on Tap. Then i caught part of the England vs Australia on the Telly.
As Tina would tell her hair stylist "he got one look at this womens hair dressers shop and ran to the pub"

Then i came back just as tina was getting her hair dried and we had a feast of mc donalds. Two big mac meals, nine piece mcnugget and she had a hot apple pie.

I got home, installed my Ram card easy cheesy.

Replaced some light bulbs.

I sat down to watch the originalAlfie. With a right proper cockney in Michael Caine.

And here I am.

Good times.

Amsterdamn HOOOO!

And then NO SLEEP TIL BROOKLYN.

On Interviews

2005-08-31T21:28:00.000Z

inchucknito: you act phoney for a bit
inchucknito: dont over think or stuff
inchucknito: they either take you or not
inchucknito: you have to think of all the weirdos they see
inchucknito: you may appear safe
OOH Jeff: true
OOH Jeff: i did good with the tech guy. scared of the hr guy
inchucknito: hr guys are evil
inchucknito: hr is evil
OOH Jeff: yah i know
OOH Jeff: they will ask me all career questions
OOH Jeff: i don't care about a career
OOH Jeff: my dream is to sit on the couch and be 500 pounds
OOH Jeff: but they don't want to hear that
inchucknito: no
inchucknito: you leave that out
inchucknito: just say you want to be somewhere.
inchucknito: and theres light
inchucknito: and achievement
OOH Jeff: in the next 5 years i see my self taking on more responsibility and learning new technoligies
inchucknito: use buzz words
inchucknito: never telling them any real information
OOH Jeff: and being 500 pounds
OOH Jeff: do you guys have disability?
inchucknito: i talk to myself
inchucknito: can i still do that here?
OOH Jeff: ha
inchucknito: ha
OOH Jeff: i'm a twitcher
OOH Jeff: facial
OOH Jeff: anal
inchucknito: HA
inchucknito: i smoke rocks
inchucknito: i'm a shy bathroom person
inchucknito: can i get my own toilet
OOH Jeff: i have clinical pee shyness
inchucknito: ha
inchucknito: i freeze up
inchucknito: shake and fake
OOH Jeff: i need my own lavatory
OOH Jeff: with mints
inchucknito: does mgmt tolerate the finger
OOH Jeff: turrets
inchucknito: ha
OOH Jeff: extreme dranduff
inchucknito: i need a cubicle cause people look like targets to me
OOH Jeff: 4 walls, everybody is watching and judging me
inchucknito: i love guns, but i leave the ammo in my filing cabinet so its all cool
OOH Jeff: yah the saftey is always on
OOH Jeff: except when its not
inchucknito: sometimes i come to work splashed with blood
inchucknito: but thats just my hobby dont worry bout it
OOH Jeff: chronic disintery
inchucknito: HA
inchucknito: colostomy bag
inchucknito: i empty it in the recycling bin
inchucknito: i'm big on the environment
OOH Jeff: ha

About Where I Live

2005-08-29T23:50:00.000Z

England as you know has a lot of history. For example, the church which you see on Beckenham main street is very old:
"The most notable of these is the 14th century St Georges Church with its 13th century Lychgate - the oldest in England. "

Or as the same website notes, not only is this town old (I've seen a banner for an annual farmers market that dates back to 1200 and something), but some famous folk are in the area. David Bowie lived in Beckenham, Charles Darwin's house is not too far of a drive a way, but most importantly the man who invented the toilet bowl is buried locally. Can you guess his name?

Thomas Crapper (inventor of the flush toilet)

http://www.beckenham.towntalk.co.uk/about.php?Month=04&year=2005

Here is the link for the creepy Hotel and Manor left over, he used to own eden park train station, his private entrance still exists:
http://www.oakfield.co.uk/

Yeah so there is some history round these parts. Its the suburbs. And I am Yuppie scum...
I hear the calling of silence and peace, the turbulence is winding down for me, let the renaissance begin.

2005-08-28T23:59:00.000Z

After:

Before:

I'm Back

2005-08-28T23:51:00.000Z

Two months later:
I once wrote here all things Easy. I think not. My back hurts, from the two month struggle, which I could not detail on the blog; I have some pictures. What work, what trauma, what never ending projects. Its been hell, moving car load by car load. The dust, the dirt, the cracks, holes, leaks, wall paper, paint, trips to home base. I am broke, but who knew I had the money to buy all the shit I had to buy. But here I am back in my study, its wonderful, the room I have dreamed of. Most of the pictures are up, few more to go. I look out over my garden, a soccer pitch, and then the hills of crystal palace with the radio tower; It's great. I thought I would lose it, in fact I think I did with all that has gone on.
Archie was lost drunk, cause I was out of practice. I am drinking my glenlivet 12 year old, a gift for my wedding anniversary from my wife Tina who has had to deal with me being a psycho, but at least I get the work done and I do it for free. Yes the blinds, curtains, and shades are up. I know how to use a drill and paint and cork etc.

Glenlivet and Dolly Parton is on the Mp3 player.
This is the very definition of relaxing.

2005-06-19T21:00:00.001Z

As Promised: Selected Quotes From Jack Kerouac and his novel On The Road. Plus The Recommended Song of the Week/Blog Posting.

"I said, 'There must be some ideal bars in town.' 'The ideal bar doesn't exist in America. An ideal bar is something that's gone beyond our ken. In nineteen ten a bar was a place where men went to meet during or after work, and all there was was a long counter, brass rails, spittoons, player piano for music, a few mirrors, and barrels of whisky at ten cents a shot together with barrels of beer at five cents a mug. Now all you get is chromium, drunken women, fags, hostile bartenders, anxious owners who hover around the door, worried about their leather seats and the law; just a lot of screaming at the wrong time and deadly silence when a stranger walks in."

Yes that is the bar quote. There are other philosophical and deep quotes. Alas, I didn't book mark them. That may be the only quote! In no way does it capture the book though. Life is the road and what is the point of life, is the book.

And here is your song of the week:
Led Zeppelin: Carouselambra - I love how the rock plays over the synthesizer. If only there was more of that in the eighties. Rock critics, pop critics, and the cynics bashed good music and musicians as dinosaurs(during the later half of the seventies and through the eighties), especially if they were white. In a post modern, nothing is good or bad critique, the liberals still managed to hold a grudge against their perceived theivery of rock chords from the black blues musicians. Once in power, the ivory tower out of touch bastards, bashed rock bands as dinosaurs and over done drum, guitar soloing, glitter assholes. Failing to note that the better bands did not sell out as much as the ugly pop emblems that stole their sound(though in an unrespectful profit way that I think most of the band who borrowed from the blues did not do).
In its place rose a legacy of hip hop. Where no talented, urban, minority musicians, won constant praise and this coincided with a complete sell out to corporate ads and the notion of branding. Where all of life, products, the economy and the future of society revolved around some strange statistic that the only people who buy things are the unemployed 15-20 year old male sect. This rendered adults, deep thought, protestant work ethics and all things non-teenage, irrelevant.
Today we have 20 years of hip hop. Dumb rhyming, complaining of free govt, tax payer hand outs (the only humans with free housing who destroyed it themselvs and have only themselves to blame, yet still strive to blame it on white people or others, they probably even attack working blacks and spanish...let me add that i see skin color as no issue, but these people use it in their defense, we all know good people who work hard and bad people. Believe me, I hate plenty of white people like the pope and southern baptists/evangelical, jesus licking- man-whores), without any solutions or care, branding of corporate items on people who have not the mind or jobs to buy them, and old rap stars who talk about gang banging, while living in mansions, yet are not called dinosaurs. Untalented, with no literacy, original ideas, or musical skill. They copy and sample, yet escape the critism of new wave bands who did the same. They plod on, and migrate out to the suburbs, where spoiled white teens think that violence is expression and idiocy the path to wealth, while the Indians, Chinese, and most third worlders, catch up and take their jobs. Yes Led Zeppelin, the hard path in life, learning to play an instrument while drunk, on drugs, and screwing disease ridden groupies. They were fucking good.
End of Rant.

2005-06-19T21:00:00.000Z

View From Study

2005-06-19T20:58:00.000Z

New House

New House, Kerouac, All Things Are Easy

2005-06-17T22:25:00.000Z

Today I now have my own home. 26 years of waiting. It's in London, with a wonderful garden. The neighborhood is suburban, I have acheived Eighties Yuppie Hood. Seems as if dreams come true, but was it worth the journey? Is life all it seems? I don't know, but somewhere on the second floor of that house, I intend to find out.

I just drank an entire bottle of champagne. Check that. I am drinking a bottle of champagne. I am almost done with on the road by Kerouac, I will post some quotes I found interesting(at a later date).

There is so much to talk and write about. Being alone I don't get to communicate or share all my experiences. Most of it revolves around my job, but who wants to discuss that? Despite Bush and all the bad things, good things abound. CBS 101.1 died, but Cousin Brucie moved to satellite radio and can finally play what he wants. I have no radio here, but winamp comes with a wonderful radio set up, and right now procol harum whiskey train is on, I mean who plays that on a commercial radio? Makes my thesis, which sucked anyways, redundant.

What is the point of blog writing and personal expression? Nobody will listen, but is it the the intention to have people listen, to have people follow or believe what just lil ole me says? We are outnumbered by idiots. The public often reminds me of school where a few people study, do well, and graduate(a smaller few with high marks and real social potential). The rest are idiots, and they make up the voting populace, life goes on. Bad music, no art, cell phone mania, and that wonderful combination of religion and idocy that pervades today's society. Yet look back through history and we still have it lucky!!! (comparitively speaking)
What can one do?

I gave up. I am not here to influence anyone, I will not change the world, and I even gave up on defending myself. If the next wave of nazi's come along, guess what? They shall. No. I look for a wider purpose. I mean one can be killed, beat up, or anything bad by anyone. Or random accidents like car accidents, cancer, or your personal infomation being sold by a fat irish guy, who just happens to own a hut in nigeria, because he went down there to get some pussy, and all the poor bastard found was a few huts, some internet cafes, a corrupt general who likes gin, and three (count them; one, two, three.) whole chickens.
I say let's experience good things. Fear not the bad things. Plod on my friends or who ever you are. Let my thoughts sit here for my own amusement and self history. As life plods on, I see that it is all thoughts and illusion. The end is not the end and the beginning was not the beginning. Death seals nothing, ends nothing, starts nothing, but it is, and I feel more and more, NOT NOTHING!

2005-06-05T00:05:00.000Z

101.1 WCBS FM is Dead.
Web Radio.
Alive.
Join Us.
This not a fucking time to mourn.
Times are not bad, we have the technology.
"Stormy float your ass over here!"

2005-04-23T20:04:00.000Z

"As Bruce Landesman, a philosophy professor at the University of Utah, pointed out in a letter to The Times: "Those who hold 'liberal' views are not relativists. They simply disagree with the conservatives about what is right and wrong." From an editorial by Maureen Dowd of the NY Times published online, 23-April-05.

People On Bikes

2005-04-07T19:36:00.000Z

They suck. Its about time someone did a blog rant on bikes and I am the stupid bastard to do it.
I could be talking about the pope, but he's got enough air time and I don't want to brainwash anyone more then the media has been doing. Pope? More like old man in funny clothes. People, he took a shit just like Jesus, dinosaurs, and the rest of us. Get over it.
And one more thing. Kissing his ass, is not going to get you into heaven any quicker, so just fahgetahboutit.

People on bikes
First of all. In current times we have streets and sidewalks. Unfortunately, most places do not have bike lanes, especially cities and urban areas, and that sucks. I mean hey, there are lots of things we don't have, but we have two feet for the sidewalk and cars for the streets. However, bikes, break all the rules. Usually kids and teenagers ride on the sidewalk, but I can sometimes forgive the young for living.
I'm here, in cyberspace, to talk about the yuppies, tree huggers, and urban out of towners, who try too hard to be city folk, on bikes. The helmet, bicycle pants wearing, saps, that coast slowly down the asphalt streets with the attitude that they are better than cars.
They wind slowly down roads, while you burn gas and time chugging behind them. They eat up road rules and get special privledges, you have to be afraid to beep them and god forbid you hit one.
And they affect people walking, who try to cross the road, as well. You try to cross at a crosswalk and you never know if a bike will stop. It's not like a car, they may not brake when you try to cross at a cross walk. Worst of all, you can never gauge their speed. They always go what I call a Steady Slow. So you may try to cross, but then they creep up on you. Or you wait, and then they slow down and you wait forever.
I hate them.
Its a fucking nuisance for everyone. And bike riders are never going anywhere important.
Who's going on a date in green neon shorts on a cold day? They piss me off cause of the bike attitude, they hate us car drivers, car riders, and street walkers. They hate non bike people, while we try to tolerate them.
Well no longer.
I hate bike people and I think its high time we got some fucking pay back. You only live once so let's even things out.

Ways to get back at bikers

If you are in a car here are three tips:
A) Ride their ass. If they are going to go slow and not yielding to you in a car, hogging the road at a slow speed (cars can get tickets for driving too slow on a highway, so fuck bikes on a street) then you ride their back wheel. As your going as slow as the bike, you won't kill em, most you can do if you tap the back wheel, is knock them off. Shrug and say "fuck yah", drive off, they won't catch up.
B) Honk em from a distance. If you see one up the road, that you know you will get stuck behind. Blast that horn. Loud and hard. If you get em at the right distance it may scare the shit out of em and knock em off the bike. However, this could back fire, with the dirty look. That dirty arrogant look of a putz on a bike. Some eco-warrior who thinks they are saving the planet by riding a fucking bicycle. At this point, you'll have to pull an A (see above).
C) The fuck with their heads method. While I don't advocate hurting innocents, you could screw with their heads inflicting psychological damage that is hard to prove in a court of law.
As you finally over take em, shout out that something is dragging on their back wheel or that it looks flat, as they glance over, honk the fucking horn, flip the bird, drive off.

If anyone can think of other cool, non-lethal methods to piss of bikers, let me know.

PS
I don't mean motorcycles, never fuck with them. They own the rode, but they have speed so its a short tolerable annoyance, however, if they fuck up and you hit em, us drivers shouldn't be blamed.

Finally,

I apologize for all of the above. And I am ending this rant. I don't drive. But I do walk and they still piss me off.

Fucking idiots on bikes and that bike attitude of those eco friendly yuppers.

Eh off I go.

End of rant.

Addiction

2005-03-28T22:55:00.000Z

Addicted:
To Life. To Health. To being Alive. To being comfortably conscious.
To Tina.
To Routine.
To pot.
To Alcohol.
To Music.
To the guitar.
To Video Games.
To Sex.
To News aka the media.
To Individualism.
To Freedom.
To Friends.
To Family.
To Persnoality.
To America.
To England.
To Food.
To the Tube.
To chocolate.
To Masturbation.
To thoughts of god.
To thoughts of purpose.
To Right.
To Wrong.
Too Much.
To Sleep.
To Want.

Too Late.

To Death.

To Sleep.

To Now.

To Free Time.
To The Jets.
To The Yankees.
To England Rugby.
To Roddick.
To My Dad throwing spongeballs on a hot July Afternoon in July.

To Pink Floyd.

To Electric Light Orchestra.
To Tom Petty.

To Tina Again.

To Time.

To the number 13, I am done please.

Can I Help It If I Still Dream Time to Time

2005-03-07T22:20:00.000Z

My Trip this Saturday was too mellow, I have half left, but I hope they hold until Saturday. Working on getting a house, I may actually live somewhere nice and in the suburbs, I knew England had a lovely side to it, hopefully I can find my home in Beckenham...

"Excuse me if I, have some place in my mind, where I go time to time." Tom Petty

Obituary Death of My Inspiration and Literary Hero

2005-02-21T22:15:00.000Z

"I read the news today oh boy. About a lucky man who made the grade. And though the news was rather sad. Well I just had to laugh. I saw the photograph. He blew his mind out in a car. He didn't notice that the lights had changed. A crowd of people stood and stared. They'd seen his face before. Nobody was really sure if he was from the House of Lords..." Lennon/McCartney

RIP: HUNTER S. THOMPSON

How many blogs right now are typing about the Gonzo Journalist who just passed away? Some ranting. Most saying how they will miss him, how they loved his work, and how they read all his books after discovering him. Most people of a later generation found him through the Fear and Loathing movie. People I work with just think he's a drug crazed loon or couldn't understand the movie. Even Tina found the book not totally to her liking, his style was her critique.

Where does that leave me? Well, personally I saw the movie and was confused, so I read the book. It was at a time when I myself was about to try shrooms, moved out on my own, and was already a drinker and toker of the herby. I started to dress like his gonzo persona at parties. Then I read Hell's Angels and the Campaign Trail 72 and discovered his sharp brilliance. He merged fiction and fact, though I like to think most of his stories are more fact then myth...His journalism was always on the spot and he was more honest, than any writer I have read.

Suicide is a choice of the individual, but it leaves a gap for all they impact. His son, wife, fans, and the world needed him. He stood up and wielded a rational voice amongst the haze of today's political landscape. He was my rock of reason; When I thought I was crazy.

He impacted me, because he seemed honest and on the side of good. He wasn't smoozing or lying; he had sincere beliefs and it was those moments in his work ,where he shed the cowboy rebel persona and you saw someone deeply upset, scared, and hurt. I think I often feel that way; you can defend this with humor and wit, or you can deny things and challenge notions, but we all get that brief moment where you feel weary. We are outnumbered, Bush was voted in. Nixon was voted in. And Pol Pot and all the others have trampled the land and evil triumphs with ignorance.

Good failed Sunday and his enemies will cheer. They will say he is a coward, they will say how god will not take him, they will say the last of the 60's druggies have gone. However, he did more to undermine the bastards then their slow fat brains will ever know. Rugh Limbaugh, Jerry Falwell, Nixon, Bush, you dirty dirty cunt whores shall drown. Hunter once commented on those shitty dirty shacks they call churchs and (as a side note) fuck the faith based moral vote, they are the glaring IMMORAL. Let us not forget all wars, torture, corruption, child rape, and brain washing caused by all religions. The philosophy of religion while intriguing, must never be forced on others, the priest who studies and the church with open doors is fine. Its the church that imposes and meddles in government and public policy that is dangerous. A point I would like to make is if Jesus preached about the poor and not to judge before one judges oneself and if the rich would find it difficult getting into heave, then answer me this? Why in New York, when Cardinal Egan gives his mass, why do the rich sit in the front row? The politicians come up to the podium? Why are the homeless or prostitutes not allowed a front seat, or recovering drug addicts? Why does the elite represent itself in the church and why does the church spew hate and judge others as evil, yet the very same people who will rush to defend rapists, hide pedophiles and defend the mafia and rich such as Robert Chamberlin, but I digress...In the end, Hunter went down by his own hand.

Hunter loved guns, he loved freedom, he
saw the end and said ok, end of the book, Boom. I mean counter culture hero,
Morrisson, Hendrix, etc. there is something to the untimely death. If life
didn't kill Hunter, Hunter had to kill Hunter.

I mourn Hunter, I mourn Bill Hicks, and those who've yet to enlighten me.

The who was once said "...your very right to die is denied"
perhaps it was his last bit of genius to do things his way.

What the hell?

2005-01-28T21:57:00.000Z

Its Friday. I feel, well not stressed. I feel, well, relaxed. And i haven't had a drink yet! HA!
ladies and gentleman its taken precisely a year to feel this at ease. I am now in London, and pretty settled, its sucked, but tonight its all ok. Jack and coke, home made pancakes, music, my wife, its all set. Yes i am relaxed and that's all i have to write tonight. Blog is in the works, hope to put more effort into it soon.

2005-01-07T23:47:00.000Z

There was an article that appeared on MSNBC about god and the Tsunami. On the news, news websites, and news radio (the short way to type those last few words is media) the topic has often come up. Sadly, as with everything concerning society, the most unoriginal and moronic statements are made, lacking any form or depth, on the subject of a god and his Tsunami.
The link to the msnbc article is here: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6791508/
Though I do not know how long it will be around.
You are not missing much, in fact, in terms of god and a Tsunami it is probably some of the worst writing ever. If the task was handed to several classrooms of 7 year olds with brain damage, they would have produced more complex reasoning.
I was originally going to copy and paste each little person's comments and then rebutt them. Instead I think I will focus on two things so that someone or the only person reading this blog does not get bored.

Topic One: Belief

First a note about belief. The word itself is quite obvious, you don't think, you do not question, you ignore reality and sensation, you believe. One can close their eyes and believe everything and anything. Society tells you its good, its moral, its human to believe(they say that church is good, belief in Jesus or Mohammed is good, but smoking a joint, that is evil). Lies. Its fucking stupid and it is enforced because it allows you to be robbed by politicians, tortured by governments, mugged by 15 year olds who are only alive because your tax money built their projects or council house. Belief exists so that you will do things to either help others, such as making the guys who wrote the left behind series rich or allowing pedophiles to rape your children other wise known as the priesthood. The list goes on, but beware believing anything, you either experience it, find some sort of evidence be it physical or logical, or you question it.
It is easy to believe that one can not get burnt by fire, it is another thing to have someone shove a candle up your ass. I have yet to see the hand of god, miracles, or Jesus come down burninating things, much like Trogdor. I have however seen court cases, witnesses, and testimony that hundreds of priests have raped children, that Rush Limbaugh has popped pills, and that Newt Gingrich fooled around with an aide. These whores want you to believe they are good, they are moral, but if you cease to believe then the truth becomes clear. We learn from a very early age that quite frankly Shit happens. It was not the hand of god, it was just some fucking water people. Everytime some kid drowns in a bath or some fat prick falls through Ice, it is not the hand of god, but just a fat prick falling through the ice. One last thing, whilst talking about fat pricks, why is Jerry Falwell fat if he is so religious and pious? Doesn't dante have that nice lil ring of hell for piggies like him, maybe it is time to believe?

Yay my friends. There is no difference between some backwards Muslim terrorist and white trash believing in Jesus. If only they could both see all the idiocy, hypocrisy, lack of education, ignorance, poverty, and evil they share, then maybe this war stuff will end.

Topic Two: Evangelicals, Bush, Left Behind Series

Ah the end of the world is upon us. Or that is what all of the above would have you believe. We thought they would go away after 2000AD passed us and we were all still standing alive. We thought wrong (and who are We anyways?its just me ranting here). I think 9-11 brought these end of the worlders back. Now could you only imagine what shit they would come up with, if a Tsunami hit the USA. Oh wait a Tsunami did hit somewhere, well third worlders and over weight Europeans sunning themselves, and yes the religious zealots had tons of things to say. (please note its a horrible tragedy, I am not be littling the event, but the people who make comments and get rich off misery). The Left Behind folks took it as further proof that, oh shit, Jesus the loving tender wonderful good being, is coming down to fuck some souls up. We mean serious torture people for those unworthy, unholy, and did I mention not a believer? Yah, ok. So if I was the left behind writers, I wouldn't cash in all that money just yet. In fact, I would give every penny away, and live on the streets helping gay people with a heroine problem. And why? Because it is the greedy, lying, corrupting the lord's word type of person who usually gets it first. In fact, first stop on Jesus's list is going to be the Left Behind Writers doors asking for every penny back, so he can craft it to a giant dildo to shove up their asses. But I digress, of course religion, religious people, and these talking heads are hypocrites, what can you do? When you're outnumbered, nothing, except be a pain in the ass.

At the conclusion of each blog I plan to include a What I am Listening too Section. It is where I become selfish and bore people with my own personal tastes on music.
Today: The Cars-Anthology-Great stuff, classic sound. Crisp, 80's rock, with a touch of the classic rock. The Cars were classic rock when the genre was dead. Sure the songs were short, non progressive, and poppy. But they are all great albums, good romantic lyrics, and they had a way of combining tight guitar hooks with a synthesizer that made them sound non-gay and not like a lonely German in a basement with one of those casio keyboards. Best Tracks: Drive, Since You're Gone, Moving In Stereo, Candy-O, Dangerous Type, and Tonight She Comes.

Year in Review

2005-01-02T14:38:00.000Z

A Summary/timeline of Chuck's 2004

Last week of January I fly out-London Bound. The business class on American Airlines was nice. The gay flight attendant made a damn good bloody Marry, best I ever had, and I had two.

I have a week off where I get accustomed to my new flat. I start slowly learning British. Blimey, Bugger, Flat, Nick it, YOB, Franz Ferdinand, God Save the Queen, Fuck All, queue, Telly, BBC, Eggs, Fried Bread, Fish and Chips, Pints, Guiness, Carling, Pubs.

I move a lot of furniture around and put together two shoe racks that consisted of Wood Beams and 50 screws, no starter holes, lots of blisters. I Drill holes in the wall and hang a mirror. I get connected to the internet. I get surround sound.

February 2nd. I start my new job. Full time employee who's just been through a time warp. Compliance officer, confirming the world is crazy and nothing particularly matters, lends credence to my consciouness theory of life. I meet the coworkers and begin the grind of learning something entirely new. Begin worrying about the Series 7, realize that I know nothing about business, but yet here I am.

March 20th. Rushed into a car on a Saturday night after Tina is not feeling well. We end up at some Indian Engagement party. Bigger then I thought. Tina and her mother not feeling well. Tina's dad a bit shy. I end up having to put on a social face in a world of cultural activity, loud music, new and spicey food, in a room full of strangers expecting me to dance. I meet Avinash and find an ally.

Sometime in March or April I trip as shrooms are legal here. I listen to music on the couch while Tina sleeps. I realize its awkward to shroom with Tina, thoughts of being single dance in my head, but there will be a time for meditation and figuring it all out before death overcomes. Bob Dylan comes on, tangled up in blue, whilst I land on Toonami and Dragon Ball Z, originally a trick I picked up from Bubba, dragon Ball Z goes well with shrooms. Tangled up in blue, and on the screen a walrus wrestles with a blue taffy like thing. Yes the world makes sense.

I am now studying for the Series 7. A 250 multiple choice test, that requires you to answer 175 correctly. I always passed when I needed too. I always found multiple choice easy. I do the readings at work. I take a practice exam. I get in the 40's and I am worried, but my wedding approaches.

May 22nd. My sister and James arrive in England. Miss the cab. Jeff, James, Gary, arrive in England. Everything is set. We tour London have a great time.

Wednesday May 26th. A wild bachelor party ensues, with a few coworkers, and my closest friends. Tina's mother passes away. I wake up hung over, with vomit, in a strange hotel room. Phone over my head. I pick it up. Think I am in a bad movie. Think its a bad trip. I spend the day hung over, sick and staying at Tina's fathers house. Many relatives pass through. Instead of a wedding, my friends participate in a funeral. Vik flies off to Ireland. I ponder things, brain hurts, temper flares, nerves shot, I almost lose it.

Funeral ceremonies full of color and help mend some wounds. Work keeps me distracted, I plunge ahead with the test.

June 17th. Less than a month later, my grandfather dies. I can not be there for the funeral. Life hates me.

July 12th. Series 7 course. Taught by this guy from Texas, loud mouth, humorist, pilot in Vietnam, bush lover. Dumb fuck. You would think as a Viet vet, he would know he got screwed and hate them more, bush sucks cock and those evil bastards in the white house will get it along with all their supporters, hopefully next year.

July 17th. Married in London. Good time, tina's uncle Michael passes out but is ok. My parents visit. We get drunk with Tina's friends, glad its all over.

July 26th. I need to get 70 percent to pass the exam. I get 67 percent. God that sucks.

I think I tripped again sometime in July. I took too much and thought I melted into the couch. I thought my head became part of the kitchen sink, and it wasn't a good trip, though I think there was an entire three hours of good stuff, be damned if I remember it.

August 7th. Old friend of Tina has a barbecue, what a lame fucking party, me and Tina fight. I've almost had it with life.

As if Life is not ugly enough, I now have to faggots living downstairs from me, replacing the idiot students, lordy I need to move, may the gods stop fucking with me dammit.

Friday August 13th. I go to visit Windsor castle. Three day weekend, filled with wine, castles, more wine, and a bunch of assholes arguing in the room next door, disturbing my peace. I have an extreme case of deja vu in a stair case, the hotel was eerie and quiet, for some reason I was not comfortable or felt safe there. Maybe its cause they filmed the hammer horror dracula movies there?

August 26th. Yah I failed the series 7 again. 68 percent. I am waiting for shit to fall from the sky, dogs to love cats, and a giant dildo to float down and kill me. Life sucks.

September 18th. My brother flies to London. Then we all fly to India. Another wedding, I see the taj majal, Delhi, and we fly back. I get the hives. We buy vodka in Delhi at night, the air smells of incense, the people are always out, there is a fleeting moment where I enjoyed it, finally somewhere new and different...

My plants are a success! I sample some before taking the test another time.

What conservative, immoral, lying, uneducated, religious, sack of fucking shit, said pot was bad? Cause I passed my series 7 with an 82 percent, suck that Jesus. I pass exam, drink champagne, get threatened by faggot neighbors, craft theory that Jesus was random crazy person who liked anal with camels, pope should be stripped naked and left to die in the cold, all anti abortionists should be denied hospital care, and anyone who votes bush in November should watch their children die of cancer because of pollution.

November 2nd bush wins. I go into exile in Europe.

November 25th. After all that has happened I make it through. A light forms at the end of the tunnel and a series of good events occur. Culminating in Chuck A Palooza a successful house party, full of drinking, honey blunts, bush bashing, music, and I fall asleep from exhaustion.

2005: I live.

2004-12-27T22:07:00.000Z

"I got a better way, ready, set go..." David Bowie
Yes his new album, or should I say, last album, Reality is good. Maybe I will get a home in Bromley where he grew up. Yes it's house hunting time. Yes the holidays are over. No, I will not bore you with a recap. And yes this weekend I think I will write up my time line of this wild year. For now, in the holiday spirit, this blog is still in the works, I am relaxing with my four day weekend, that's right I get boxing day. Drinking champagne, due for a toke, and going to listen to a Best of the band, followed by some aqua team hunger force and sealab. Ready set go!

Year Later, Back to the Blog.

2004-12-11T22:00:00.000Z

Its been a year?
I could bore everyone with a recap of the year, but for now I shall spare thee.
This sucks. It's the first blog, so it's not going to be so great. I have to kind of do an introduction here. Let's start by saying some disclaimers.
First off, I doubt ANYONE will read this. Possible readers will be my wife, Tina, and Jeff who I should finally call my best friend, which is an insult to him, but the compliment may keep him reading for more then two weeks.
One of the problems with a blog or anything on the web for that matter (I helped co-write realscopes), is that it is interesting at first, gets stale, and people stop reading, and writer's stop writing.
I have several ideas to keep this problem to a minimum. One is that I want to keep the posting's weekly, with only important ideas coming out more than once a week.
Another point: I am doing this for myself and not looking to bore friends with reading it, or appealing to people online. It's more of a journal for myself.
Another thing I am going to do is keep the posting's logical, with good grammar, good arguments, and tone down the rant.
My previous blog was often written drunk, full of anger and depression, and I never explained my arguments or conclusions well.
On top of it, while I like to curse and love freedom of speech and thought, the web and writing is the last bastion of this, I still think cursing or being racist does nothing.
Shit, I got a masters in anthropology, no more saying white trash without some type of long paragraph with some excellent grammar to explain my position, I cost Tina some friends with my mouth.

With all of the above said, lets see how the postings go. If I like how it is, I may send out an email to some people to check it out.

Lets try a small practice, rant:

Blunkett, this English politician, I could look up his actual title(when I am less lazy I hope to include some links to back up the shit I write), but anyways, he works for Blair, is looking to pass this bill here in the UK, where one of the outcomes would be a curtailing of jokes on religion. Its more complicated then I am typing, anyone interested, do a goggle search or go to The Guardian Unlimited or something. My point is that Blunkett is blind and if we can not make fun of religion, then we must at all costs make fun of blind people! It's a terrible side effect of his bill, as many comics who have this need to make fun of the pope, will suddenly find themselves out of a job, rather then go penniless, or should I say penceless, (which is priceless!) they may have to resort to disability jokes and nobody wants to see that. My other issue is, what if my belief is this religion where I believe that my god wants me to MAKE FUN OF religion? I'm not against god or consciousness or any open thought. I am against a lot of the doctrine, the stories, and institutions, more of that later.

Well I am on my second jack and coke, its time to go. Let's hope this works out.

Chuck, deggsy, whatever the hell they call me now :OP

2004-12-11T21:59:00.000Z

This is me now, circa October 2004. Older and wiser, but still a dumbass.

2004-12-11T21:54:00.000Z

This is me and Jeff back when we shared a flat. Its kind of like Hunter S. and Dr. Gonzo, on an incredibly smaller scale. Good times.