People On Bikes
They suck. Its about time someone did a blog rant on bikes and I am the stupid bastard to do it.
I could be talking about the pope, but he's got enough air time and I don't want to brainwash anyone more then the media has been doing. Pope? More like old man in funny clothes. People, he took a shit just like Jesus, dinosaurs, and the rest of us. Get over it.
And one more thing. Kissing his ass, is not going to get you into heaven any quicker, so just fahgetahboutit.
People on bikes
First of all. In current times we have streets and sidewalks. Unfortunately, most places do not have bike lanes, especially cities and urban areas, and that sucks. I mean hey, there are lots of things we don't have, but we have two feet for the sidewalk and cars for the streets. However, bikes, break all the rules. Usually kids and teenagers ride on the sidewalk, but I can sometimes forgive the young for living.
I'm here, in cyberspace, to talk about the yuppies, tree huggers, and urban out of towners, who try too hard to be city folk, on bikes. The helmet, bicycle pants wearing, saps, that coast slowly down the asphalt streets with the attitude that they are better than cars.
They wind slowly down roads, while you burn gas and time chugging behind them. They eat up road rules and get special privledges, you have to be afraid to beep them and god forbid you hit one.
And they affect people walking, who try to cross the road, as well. You try to cross at a crosswalk and you never know if a bike will stop. It's not like a car, they may not brake when you try to cross at a cross walk. Worst of all, you can never gauge their speed. They always go what I call a Steady Slow. So you may try to cross, but then they creep up on you. Or you wait, and then they slow down and you wait forever.
I hate them.
Its a fucking nuisance for everyone. And bike riders are never going anywhere important.
Who's going on a date in green neon shorts on a cold day? They piss me off cause of the bike attitude, they hate us car drivers, car riders, and street walkers. They hate non bike people, while we try to tolerate them.
Well no longer.
I hate bike people and I think its high time we got some fucking pay back. You only live once so let's even things out.
Ways to get back at bikers
If you are in a car here are three tips:
A) Ride their ass. If they are going to go slow and not yielding to you in a car, hogging the road at a slow speed (cars can get tickets for driving too slow on a highway, so fuck bikes on a street) then you ride their back wheel. As your going as slow as the bike, you won't kill em, most you can do if you tap the back wheel, is knock them off. Shrug and say "fuck yah", drive off, they won't catch up.
B) Honk em from a distance. If you see one up the road, that you know you will get stuck behind. Blast that horn. Loud and hard. If you get em at the right distance it may scare the shit out of em and knock em off the bike. However, this could back fire, with the dirty look. That dirty arrogant look of a putz on a bike. Some eco-warrior who thinks they are saving the planet by riding a fucking bicycle. At this point, you'll have to pull an A (see above).
C) The fuck with their heads method. While I don't advocate hurting innocents, you could screw with their heads inflicting psychological damage that is hard to prove in a court of law.
As you finally over take em, shout out that something is dragging on their back wheel or that it looks flat, as they glance over, honk the fucking horn, flip the bird, drive off.
If anyone can think of other cool, non-lethal methods to piss of bikers, let me know.
PS
I don't mean motorcycles, never fuck with them. They own the rode, but they have speed so its a short tolerable annoyance, however, if they fuck up and you hit em, us drivers shouldn't be blamed.
Finally,
I apologize for all of the above. And I am ending this rant. I don't drive. But I do walk and they still piss me off.
Fucking idiots on bikes and that bike attitude of those eco friendly yuppers.
Eh off I go.
End of rant.
I could be talking about the pope, but he's got enough air time and I don't want to brainwash anyone more then the media has been doing. Pope? More like old man in funny clothes. People, he took a shit just like Jesus, dinosaurs, and the rest of us. Get over it.
And one more thing. Kissing his ass, is not going to get you into heaven any quicker, so just fahgetahboutit.
People on bikes
First of all. In current times we have streets and sidewalks. Unfortunately, most places do not have bike lanes, especially cities and urban areas, and that sucks. I mean hey, there are lots of things we don't have, but we have two feet for the sidewalk and cars for the streets. However, bikes, break all the rules. Usually kids and teenagers ride on the sidewalk, but I can sometimes forgive the young for living.
I'm here, in cyberspace, to talk about the yuppies, tree huggers, and urban out of towners, who try too hard to be city folk, on bikes. The helmet, bicycle pants wearing, saps, that coast slowly down the asphalt streets with the attitude that they are better than cars.
They wind slowly down roads, while you burn gas and time chugging behind them. They eat up road rules and get special privledges, you have to be afraid to beep them and god forbid you hit one.
And they affect people walking, who try to cross the road, as well. You try to cross at a crosswalk and you never know if a bike will stop. It's not like a car, they may not brake when you try to cross at a cross walk. Worst of all, you can never gauge their speed. They always go what I call a Steady Slow. So you may try to cross, but then they creep up on you. Or you wait, and then they slow down and you wait forever.
I hate them.
Its a fucking nuisance for everyone. And bike riders are never going anywhere important.
Who's going on a date in green neon shorts on a cold day? They piss me off cause of the bike attitude, they hate us car drivers, car riders, and street walkers. They hate non bike people, while we try to tolerate them.
Well no longer.
I hate bike people and I think its high time we got some fucking pay back. You only live once so let's even things out.
Ways to get back at bikers
If you are in a car here are three tips:
A) Ride their ass. If they are going to go slow and not yielding to you in a car, hogging the road at a slow speed (cars can get tickets for driving too slow on a highway, so fuck bikes on a street) then you ride their back wheel. As your going as slow as the bike, you won't kill em, most you can do if you tap the back wheel, is knock them off. Shrug and say "fuck yah", drive off, they won't catch up.
B) Honk em from a distance. If you see one up the road, that you know you will get stuck behind. Blast that horn. Loud and hard. If you get em at the right distance it may scare the shit out of em and knock em off the bike. However, this could back fire, with the dirty look. That dirty arrogant look of a putz on a bike. Some eco-warrior who thinks they are saving the planet by riding a fucking bicycle. At this point, you'll have to pull an A (see above).
C) The fuck with their heads method. While I don't advocate hurting innocents, you could screw with their heads inflicting psychological damage that is hard to prove in a court of law.
As you finally over take em, shout out that something is dragging on their back wheel or that it looks flat, as they glance over, honk the fucking horn, flip the bird, drive off.
If anyone can think of other cool, non-lethal methods to piss of bikers, let me know.
PS
I don't mean motorcycles, never fuck with them. They own the rode, but they have speed so its a short tolerable annoyance, however, if they fuck up and you hit em, us drivers shouldn't be blamed.
Finally,
I apologize for all of the above. And I am ending this rant. I don't drive. But I do walk and they still piss me off.
Fucking idiots on bikes and that bike attitude of those eco friendly yuppers.
Eh off I go.
End of rant.
posted by Chuck Deggsy at 7:36 PM
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