Thick as Brick

Tull dances over my ears as I board the train. My thirty minute train ride into london is quiet, trains are only full of workers, seats are cushoioned though uncomfortable. Train can smell too, especially the cars with the bathroom but it fades as you sit there.
I often stare out at the same scenery each and every day. Memorizing every little house, every detail, following the ravensbourne creek as it swirls near the tracks.
I look out for birds, spotting sparrows, robins, and wood pigeons.
There is a casio keyboard, stuck in this over grown grass hill at a stop prior to new cross gate.
There is a rusting paint can under the platform at clock house.
There are gardens, football pitches, rugby goal posts, and five a side hard courts a long the way.
It doesn't change much, some mornings its raining, others its over cast, and a few times you have the sun flashing its morning brilliance out.
Of course I often ride it at night in the winter, and I look out for the lights of my home to see if Tina arrived earlier than me.
I've spent most of the last few months thinking.
And thinking.
And now that I am married, house is done, and my job keeps me occupied the time seems to zoom. Hours are minutes, minutes are seconds.
I can't really find my purpose anymore or goals or interests.
I plod on with my music and the occasional video game.
I need to maybe find the energy to begin learning that taunting guitar.
If this is it in life, despite the constant threat of death or horrible outcomes due to idiots, then I can't help but think life is some game. The more I live the less I feel a god or purpose as much as I know that death is not the end....not at all. Its all in the mind really...we just have to think of it.