Non Violent Ranting Post...Chucks Cultural Expertise

Top Ten Guitarists

1. Jimmy Page (Yard Birds, Led Zepp)
David Gilmour (Floyd)
Pete Townshend (the Who)
Mark Knopler (Dire Straits)
Eric Clapton (Yard Birds, Cream, Blind Faith playing with George Harrison and John Lennon, slow hand)
Jorma Kaukoenen (Jefferson Aiplane, Hot Tuna)
Syd Barrett (Psychedelic Master rest in peace man)
Neil Young (Solo, Grunge faithful, Buffalo SpringField, Crosby Stills Nash and Young)
Mick Ronson (David Bowie and Mott the Hoople, best solo ever on Elton Johns bonus track off tumble weed connection on Madmen Across The Water, I mean its the greatest ever and I have listened to thousands of hours of the greatest guitarists...)
Phil Manzaera (can not have just ten, Roxy Music)
Frank Zappa (wah wah master)
Keith Richards (chucka chucka underated)

Hendrix, league of his own
Dwayen Allman, the other angel in heaven
Johhny Cash, workin in hell, helping the souls, all the drugs he wants

Happy New Year 2007

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16372950/

ahh the annual how to drink guide the media publishes every new years eve for non drinkers.


Chuck Tips from his Liver which died somewhere in Cortland


1. Yes eat before you drink, duh, you need something to puke up
2. Abstinence- Unless you inherited the daddy left my mommy after he stabbed her and drove his ford into a sheriffs car gene, after only have two beers, gene. Abstinence for non genetic alcoholics is pussy, sit at home and whack your self, for women, get in a bath with a brush as Dave Attel would say.

3. Never mix- More bullshit. I say, Mix Smartly if thou shalt mix. A true general will stick with one drink, easier when you reach 20. Before 20, mix with brains. The worst thing are shots, hands down. If you are going to a party to do shots, or a beer shot which I call the equivalent of funnels, then expect to have a great time, not remember it, and barf the next day. If you are avoiding a heavy hangover, can not stick to one drink, and know you might mix at a party then think of the following.

a) The beer before liquor rhyme is bullshit, trust me, i mix every night of the week. The trick is similar to shots, drink slow. If you want barfs, then consume beers, whiskey, jell-ow shots or gummy bears, and whiskey, all within two hours. Same effect as regular shots. Put it this way, three beers over two hours, you are fine, you can drink white Russians after that and be OK. Drink three beers in a half hour cause some girl in fish nets might have looked at you, your as fucked as doing a shot. Pace and you rule the party. Beer, whiskey, one shot, vodka, fine but space em out over an estimated party length of four hours. That means at midnight you get to a party, three beers, then a shot, and jack and coke all after in three hours, your fucked. The same amount...say two beers first hour. One Am you do a shot, then nurse a jack and coke til two thirty, eg. enjoy the buzz. You are ok. Two thirty you go for a beer, test how you feel. Still good at three am? Do anything, martini or a shot, last call. Now that will fuck you up til the end, by lights on, if you are still to sober, just at any point do a beer and you are drunk.

B) stick with the beer first. Some truth in doing a single whiskey, vodka or gin straight. Yah you start off two martini's and a shot, you are fucked but pure. Switch to beer after that, you are asking for a lot of piss and burps. Instead, hard as it is, start with beer. Now the before liquor poem, if you stay to Two beers to start off . Two beers are OK to warm you up then stay on liquor, no beer again. If you do more then two beers then switch to something else, expect the pisses, belching. If you do liquor first, and plow beers, i am sorry you are still getting wrecked, instead remember drink slow and see how the hard stuff is affecting you, then do the beer. For example, look at a fat ugly chick when you arrive. Always an ugly or taken but ugly chick. Stare, if she is drinking. Cause she will not remember. Now as you get drunk and feel a buzz, wander and to find her, when you do, is she prettier, if yes, go to beer.

3. Take Dick Cheney on Hunting trip, cept this time he is the hunt.

4.OK you are drunk, having a good time, you have your choice jello shot from goth girl, Budweiser, rolling rock, one vodka or two cats.
First take the jello shot from the girl if she is good looking.
Next take the rolling rock flush it down the toilet or throw it out the window. Only lame yuppies drink that piss and I would rather get high off toilet water wine.
Now take the Budweiser, see how you feel in forty minutes, time your watch or ugly girl, see point B, mingle.
Now get your head out of the goth girls tits and try the vodka, boom, you are done for the night let the vodka leave a shot taste in your mouth, will dry your taste in the mouth. Your passion is to try a sweet drink which in five hours tastes far worse than the shot after you do a shot. Do not be tempted after a shot to go after something sweet or comforting, unless it is your stable drink, say black label whiskey. No, take the shot, and iff you have probs get plain tonic or soda water (no coke too sweet).
OK, now take the two cats to Mikey and go Mikey two cats, whats with that?
And happy near year, hope my cats eye gets better, two cats but married, but Mikey still rules except if he has two turtles, then that is Uncalled for.